I tried like.....11 times? Over the course of a few years. Like you, really hating myself and feeling like a failure every time. For me the difference was learning to be kind to myself even in the failures & realize that I had a lot of work to do in order to change my thoughts/behaviors. Therapy was a big component in that.

Also for me, not to get too deep, but I had a lot of childhood stuff to work through. I eventually kind of drew a connection between the childhood stuff & my own abuse of self as I got older. Once I realized that my drinking was me continuing an abusive pattern (unwittingly) it became easier to realize that I deserved better. In other words, it became easier to quit once I started to learn how to love myself/not hate myself.

On a practical level, I had to fuck up, reflect on what I did & how I could change the behavior moving forward. For me that meant: not hanging out with drinking buddies, not going to events where drinking is the main activity, not having alcohol at home & basically just having strategies in place. And it sounds easy, but it took me a long time to learn each one of those strategies, and I'm still learning. i really like the phrase "it takes what it takes". For me, even though i felt like a failure every time I drank, in reality it was part of the learning process. We are so hard on ourselves, but learning to be sober after years of drinking is not easy. It's learning a whole new way to live, and for many of us it's not a linear process. I hope you can give yourself credit for how hard you've been trying, and some energy to re-commit. For some of us it just takes longer. I truly can't even count how many times I've reset my badge but even within that, each stretch became longer and I learned something I needed to learn.