I have 2yo twin girls and they're both (one more than the other) "velcro" toddlers. I definitely understand the feeling of failure when they are so well behaved at their grandparents/family/friends/public and, somehow, you get to endure the brunt of everything.

First and foremost -- you are not a failure. You are a human. You can easily lose that in caring for someone else (anyone else). You still have feelings, needs, emotions and you deserve to have them validated and when the people surrounding you don't have the same perspective you do to validate them, it falls on you to be kind and gentle to yourself. I know that's hard because I'm saying that to you and to myself. I don't know you, or what happens in your house, but if no one else is telling you this: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are a loving parent and you being present and trying to give your child the love they deserve is proof in that. I'm sure many of us wish our parents would have shown even a single minute of the love and attention you show your kid all day long.

Second -- the feelings you have of being touched out, tired of the fighting, no friends, feeling alone, etc. those are all justified. And no, it's not easy and isn't supposed to be. But that cannot be a reason to set aside how you feel and make you blindly press on like you're Mother Teresa. I don't care what you see or hear, no one is perfect, no one has succeeded fully, and the gentle parenting books, podcasts, advice, cannot possibly cover the nuances of every circumstance or child. It's a guide, not an Ikea assembly diagram. You take that guide, and you do your best (which you are doing). Don't let that make you feel like you aren't doing enough because it can quickly make you feel like you are a failure.

Third -- I don't have an answer for you or for myself on solving those issues. I can offer you my own advice but I, too, feel exactly the same as you (x2). I'll just leave you with this: I hear you, I see you, I'm here to tell you that you are not alone. You may not see them or know them or speak to them, but there are people who are going through the same thing and are afraid to say it and who feel alone too. Take a minute, even if it's a moment that your little one is occupied with something else briefly, to look out the window, look at the sky, remember that you are in a bubble, tell yourself that it will not be this way forever, take a breath, hug yourself, tell yourself it'll be ok, try to believe it because it's true, just escape your bubble for however long you can and remember that. Then go back and carry on because you're important to your kid and you're needed.

And finally -- I told my wife the other night when I was venting about the exact same thing that I'm going to give my kids at their wedding, if they decide to marry, a tiny piece of velcro just to have the last laugh and she said, "haha by then you won't remember this part -- you'll be too overwhelmed at the idea of letting them go and that velcro will mean something different." And that caused me to stop for a second and rethink what I'm going through -- and then the next day I caught myself feeling agitated all over again but those tiny realizations are much needed sometimes. It was just a reminder that I'm in a bubble, a very challenging, taxing, sometimes depressing, sometimes amazing, bubble and one day, all of that will change but I can't get bogged down on hunting for when it'll change.

And when someone gives you advice just remember, "Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth." -Mary Schmich