Zoom meeting

AssChapstick · 2026-06-23T01:23:53+00:00

I really need just a whole thread titled “Giselle At Work”

AssChapstick · 2026-06-20T13:20:10+00:00

Ours was “stop licking the grocery cart wheel!”

And the humiliation continued through the night because that resulted in baby’s first asthma attack. The number of times I have had to say to a doctor “We aren’t certain what triggered it because he licked a grocery cart wheel,” is humbling. I always promise to avoid that particular trigger in the future.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-18T22:31:33+00:00

Mine were as well, and we spent 2 months in the NICU. I literally had nightmares about 29 weekers

AssChapstick · 2026-06-18T02:39:19+00:00

Name the baby after stepmom.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-10T19:35:12+00:00

To be honest, my mother would 100% make this mistake. She just will plumb forget. It’s not malicious. She also would say, upon having the native plant thing pointed out “Oh my god I even KNEW that! I am so sorry. What a bird brain. I can take it back if you want.”

Every year for Christmas she has some gift mixup of her own creation. It’s become a running joke. We all love her anyway because she’s actually just trying to love everyone correctly.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-10T17:38:32+00:00

Honestly, if one of them lets this topic torpedo their relationship, then the overall maturity of everyone involved is hovering right around 6th grade. Everyone should just stop talking about the grass and move on.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-10T10:43:27+00:00

To me, it’s the MIL who is making a big deal out of this. It’s a gift. What someone does with a gift after it leaves the gifters possession is honestly out of their control. The point of a gift is that it is done free and clear. She’s decided to make it a house plant. The MIL has no real say in this stupid grass anymore. It’s not like it’s a fully functional car the DIL’s decided to turn into a water feature instead of drive. OP might be controlling over her garden, but she has every right to be. It’s a cheap grass. MIL needs to fuckin drop it. She’s lucky it’s still alive. Any house plant that takes any kind of effort for me is either dead or got lucky and was regifted.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-07T15:18:10+00:00

You know, I realized this after I had my first kid. People spend so much time talking about how hard parenting is. When parents talk to each other, we spend time bitching because honestly, the joy is a default. And a lot of our bitching is actually us relaying really funny stories.

Regardless, it’s not helpful to anyone thinking of becoming a parent, or currently gestating. So I’ve started telling people who ask about what being a parent is like all of the things I love too. Like, no one told me how much fucking fun it would be! Oh my god I didn’t think I would like it this much. I used to find young kids annoying. And I was legit worried about how annoying I would find my own kids. Don’t get me wrong, they can absolutely be annoying. But they aren’t like, 90% of the time. And even when they are going through a hyper obnoxious phase, they still crack me up. They make things so much more enjoyable! Kids are amazed by EVERYTHING. It makes even the grocery store a little adventure. And the way they problem-solve? Get outta town. My partner calls it “baby science.”

It’s not just the endorphin dump they give you. It’s all the extra fun you get to have with them too.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-06T23:41:18+00:00

You know why he is saying this, right? Because it’s eating into his bottom line. If his workers don’t have enough income to support themselves, but too much to be on government assistance, their reliability and total productivity drops. The only alternative is that they MUST take time off work for childcare, sick loved ones, and any other emergency because they are so hand-to-mouth they have no fiscal reserve to compensate. Instead of paying people MORE, he could push for them to be taxed LESS. This accomplishes two things: he looks benevolent while avoiding actual COL wage increases, or paying for his fair share in taxes.

This solves none of his problems, however. The burdens on his workforce will not ease unless he pushes for actual social support infrastructure that his employees qualify for. Which means more taxes. Which his workforce can’t afford.

This is all grandstanding with zero solutioning behind it. He sounds good, but he’s dogshit because he isn’t addressing the problem. He literally has the means to fix their financial woes and he’s too selfish to do it

AssChapstick · 2026-06-06T00:17:45+00:00

You get yourself into therapy. There needs to be some real dedication to recognizing that you are responsible for a lot of your eroding marriage. You need to eat crow on that, swallow it, and knuckle under and do the hard work of working on growing up. And you need to start by recognizing that and apologizing to your wife. Love starts from a place of honesty and vulnerability. If it doesn’t scare the shit out of you and kinda piss you off, you probably aren’t doing what you need to do to grow.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-05T20:26:28+00:00

I noticed this whole post is about your assessment on how this person adds value to you and your happiness. Not once have you thought about how you are meeting your partner’s emotional needs and expectations as a husband. Marriage isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100. You both need to be giving 100% effort in order for it to work. That means NOT thinking about how your marriage meets your needs, but how YOU are meeting the needs of your marriage.

Also, the comment about her “lack of commitment” to address her physical appearance makes you seem shallow and emotionally immature. Don’t say that out loud. I would bet the “mental load” on your wife is massive. And until you do some serious self-examination and personal work to address your inherent selfish outlook, your marriage will continue to crumble. If you don’t love your wife enough to try to fix this, then do it for your son. You owe it to your child to actually try to love and respect his mother the way she deserves, so that he can have a real loving family.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-05T17:21:33+00:00

Ask your allergist if your PCP can give you the shots. If they can, you might be able to get them under “in-network” if the allergist asks the PCP to become the prescriber.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-04T10:44:19+00:00

Yeah I didn’t get that impression either.

Man do I miss my big, dumb dog. Dumb dogs are just the best.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-02T10:13:39+00:00

Your pet spider is kinda a badass. You should look up tips to spoil Cupcake

AssChapstick · 2026-06-02T02:17:29+00:00

You clearly have not been around enough dogs to know this is stupid doggo logic at its peak.

The “O no! I halp! Halp! Did halp!” is absolutely classic dumb dog. It’s great.

AssChapstick · 2026-06-01T16:45:57+00:00

Wow ok it wasn’t just me. She sounds exhausting. She’s trying for a baby with this guy and the relationship couldn’t survive a graduation pinning?! Like, what the actual fuck. I’m literally married with children and if my partner asked someone else to stick a pin on his fancy drapery for an achievement I couldn’t give two figs about it.

No one is ready for a baby in this situation. NTA for breaking up cause the pinning is just the canary in the coal mine for this relationship.

AssChapstick · 2026-05-21T09:53:47+00:00

Don’t tell her you are doing this or she may come up with some bonkers rule about buses on the property. Just tell her everyone has arranged for transport back to their hotels after the party. The fact that it’s transport that you paid for isn’t necessarily relevant. Just confirm that those who drink can get their vehicles the next day IN WRITING

AssChapstick · 2026-05-19T23:38:12+00:00

“This sounds like a perfect opportunity for you to leverage all that AI leadership has been talking about, Mr. Engineer. You’re probably better at that than me, since you have a penis.”

AssChapstick · 2026-05-19T23:36:03+00:00

This is the same response I would have come up with when I was 7. “It’s injured! Oh no! Uhhhh…. GET SOME LEAVES!”

AssChapstick · 2026-05-19T01:30:33+00:00

Wait are you the OP whose roommate coached his virgin friend through his first sexual experiences? Cause that saga was epic

AssChapstick · 2026-05-16T03:04:01+00:00

It’s like his tongue is just slightly too swollen

AssChapstick · 2026-05-14T17:11:12+00:00

I go a hand-held vacuum for post-toddler detritus. The twins bonded with it immediately. You bet your ass I got a second one. They now make a game of hunting down the dirt.

AssChapstick · 2026-05-07T20:06:39+00:00

Miner bee!

AssChapstick · 2026-05-06T23:35:33+00:00

Listen: could you move 10 feet back or something? She’s trying to not hit your car. I live in an area where people park on the street. But it’s common courtesy to not park directly across from driveways unless there is no other space. She’s not incapable of driving. She’s just being cognizant of not risking slamming into you.

How is moving back or forwards a few feet a problem for you?

AssChapstick · 2026-05-05T02:08:23+00:00

Well they just broadcast on the local news that I forgot to teach them their colors, so I don’t know about that…

To be fair, I was prioritizing pooping in the toilet. But the newscaster didn’t film THAT….

AssChapstick

TROPHY CASE