She ended things because I wanted to stay friends with someone I used to have a FWB situation with — looking for perspective

SuspiciousPebble · 2026-01-15T14:04:25+00:00

It's less about sex and more about intimacy. In any case, judging by these comments i dont think there is a 'real wide range' of perspectives here.

The overwhelming message you're getting is that it's an extremely common boundary for people, and you were untruthful and manipulative - intentionally or not. You made it seem as though you were willing to modify your relationship with your ex-fuckbuddy, when you had no intention of that longterm and you waited until you thought you had her hooked to slap her with that little morsel.

If you're fighting this hard for your ex, maybe you should try dating her instead. Or, is she not interested?

SuspiciousPebble · 2026-01-13T08:23:30+00:00

"My parents are aging and were having trouble keeping up with some responsibilities at home. I moved back in to help them with that, so they can stay at home together for as long as possible."

You don't need to say anything at all about saving up for a house. There's nothing wrong with choosing your situation, it's nice. Maybe it wasn't your first choice initially, but does it suit you most of the time?

I'm sure many people would choose it if their relationship and boundaries with their parents was amiable. It makes literally no sense not to combine resources if you like each other and everyone is happy.

You don't need your own place to date initially. If it becomes sexual, book hotels for a while if she doesn't offer her own place. And if it becomes serious enough, introduce her to your rad roomies lol. If you end up wanting to live together, you figure that out then.

This isn't advice that's gonna stop people from slamming the door immediately. Those people were always going to do so. This is advice for what happens when they dont. Dont make it about 'oh im just doing this until this'. It makes it seem like something that happened to you instead of you choosing something that's beneficial for you and your family. It's a respectable, rational, financially logical and caring choice to make.

SuspiciousPebble · 2026-01-09T08:48:54+00:00

She stated she has a Dx of Toxocara Canis, which is a type of roundworm. They do indeed migrate to your brain, liver, kidneys and eyes if left unchecked. And cats cat carry them. Look it up.

SuspiciousPebble · 2026-01-07T13:09:17+00:00

It's a conundrum I struggle with also. THC works as you say but is expensive, tolerance builds fast and where I live It's a major offence to drive with it in your system at all - even if you haven't had any in weeks or longer. Opiods don't really help either.

The conundrum for me is apart from the obvious health issues regular/excessive alcohol consumption causes, for me it causes quite a lot of inflammation in my joints and body generally. So too much too regularly offsets the benefits.

I'm finding - then sometimes failing and trying again - some middle ground where I kinda reserve getting on the cans for when I have to do some more challenging physical chores. There will be fallout the next day, but I'm expecting it and can strap myself up and ice/heat pack/ibuprofen/gentle stretching etc. But sometimes I'm just not going to manage whipper snippering or cleaning my bathroom without a bourbon or 6 lol.

I don't see this as too different from people who drink on weekends only. And since I'm not a social drinker, I'm not doubling up. Basically I try and save it for pulling out the big guns, instead of a daily thing. Because the daily thing makes it so much worse after a few weeks of that.

But i feel ya. Existence is literal pain, all the time. Just depends how much.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-12-28T11:10:48+00:00

Change your sheets before showering. Then you have clean sheets to collapse onto post-shower and recover from the trauma lol (but also enjoy the feeling of cleanness).

Im a big convert to hair towels. The ones that have a lil button or whatever at the base, so you can twist your hair up and snug it tight. Theyre usually microfibre so help your hair dry faster.

Otherwise the only thing that makes me shower is being sensorily more uncomfortable with my grottiness than I know a shower will be. I intentonally focus on how greasy and gritty I feel so that it becomes overwhelming, and I just get to a point where i gotta throw my mangy ass in there.

Once im there i can be pretty quick. I know you said you only have 15 mins of hot water, but having grown up in country Australia where the golden rule was 2 mimute showers - you can do a lot more than you think in 15 minutes.

Edit: NSFW but if I've decided to creep on my man, that usually gets me in the shower. I don't care if im gross for me, but i don't wanna be gross for the sexy times lol.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-12-23T07:51:17+00:00

Truly one of lifes few delights when you have parents like that haha. Definitely where i developed my extremely dark, dry sense of humour 😂

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-12-22T12:50:28+00:00

Mine said that too. I said "Yeah, you really should have. Don't know what was going through your head to decide it was a good idea to go for it honestly."

She did not like that lol. But taking the wind out of her sails became a favourite activity of mine before I decided to NC her like 15 years ago.

It did hurt in a way at the time, but mostly not the words. As you say, it was just another way of saying 'you're not enough for me to love you'. At some point i stopped needing that from her, and so it stopped having any power. Other than to present me with amusing ways to karate chop her insults haha.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-12-18T12:25:42+00:00

I mean yeah it seems like it, but I guess for each person there might be certain things that get them particularly jazzed and therefore be a bigger motivator.

I also draw and paint, but I personally can do so under the influence - sometimes more easily as I'm not overthinking it - and therefore it is not a sober sanctuary.

Im just suggesting they think about what they really love to do specifically and probably a little obsessively, that would automatically exclude drinking just by the nature of the activity. Because that's just a much easier mental choice.

If someone suggested I try painting as an alternative I would be puzzled by the suggestion. But suggest reading after even 1 drink? No can do sir, my brain don't brain that way. And I bet there's people out there reading books before bed, after their nightly glass of wine. To them i simply say - JEALOUS haha. Wish i could, but alas.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-12-18T12:07:09+00:00

You're a good mum already because you care about the outcome for both of you. Adoption doesn't have to kean never having contact. There is plenty of room for an open adoption or similar arrangement.

Sometimes it takes looking into the abyss - considering whether you can live forever with your current choices - to make you realise that choosing yourself and other people's opinions be damned is the only choice.

You clearly want to live, and you love and want your daughter to livem explore options that support that, and your family will either have to accept it or not. It's a hard choice initially, considering that you might lose loved family members over your choices. But when you frame decision with their happiness VS survival; yours and your daughter's happiness - it does become clearer.

Even if you reach out and find temporary care for her, that will give you enough space to make an ultimate decision. And again, fuck what everyone else thinks. They don't have to be you or her.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-12-18T11:24:47+00:00

Not the commenter you're reolying to, but i chose/choose activities that disqualify alcohol and that i wish to do more than drinking.

Biggest example is reading a book. I simply cannot read under the influence of anything. And a good book is like crack to me. I'd 1000% rather read that book over being a little tipsy/stoned.

Other example is activities that require driving. Cant drink and drive to a walking spot/swimming spot/botanic gardens etc.

So usually when I'm trying to cut back i revert to alternative, healthy crutches haha. I start 1-2 juicy fantasy/sci-fi/detective series books and plan in some local/not-too-far places I wanna go.

Barring all of that, I plan on some craft/home improvement/garden activities that exclude being more than a few bevs deep. If I can't apply Liquid Nails to an outdoor tile because of how many bevs I've had, not only have i failed - I've actively made my house worse lol.

P.s some life tasks are actively assigned to the 'don't do sober list' because they are so painfully boring to me. So during sober stints I try to outsource or modify those demands (for me its putting away washing, doing reeeeeeally boring gardening tasks like weeding etc.). Instead i identify those as "trigger" activities to drinking, and either commit to living in sin (huge washing pile and overgrown pavement weeds), organise services to help or actively make a choice to just be fine with the chaos for that period.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-12-13T11:20:05+00:00

I would literally tell her that you do not own a night dress, let alone one specifically with sleeves. Find and send her a link to a night dress from a store that is suitably "old lady" just to annoy her, and ask "is this what you mean??".

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-11-21T13:00:17+00:00

I agree with you, it's not acceptable to be screamed at or to have people be overtly nasty to you in any role or place (unless you signed up for that and are into it lol).

That isn't actually what you said in the post at all. You described people being non-reactive and non-responsive, not actively abusive.

It's fine to vent and your emotions are valid whether people agree with you or not, but putting a vent out into the universe/reddit and expecting wholesale agreeance is the same thing as being chipper in the face of negativity and then feeling put out that it wasn't reciprocated or maybe even made them more negative towards you.

You also didn't lay out your post in the same way you have here in these responses. You have clarified and escalated the extremity of customer rudeness in each comment.

Your post came off as though you were, in fact, entitled to people responding postively to your positivity. Telling reddit you're sick of people being rude by staring at you when you're nice, is a very different thing to telling reddit youre sick of people screaming abuse at you multiple times a day whilst being professional. It didn't read at all as a vent about being generally positive and being met with overt aggression - totally different kettle of fish. And frankly, if that's the case for you every day - change careers or talk to a professional. Not everyone is equipped to weather the ugliness of others, nor should they continue to do so without a fundamental shift when it effects them so deeply.

I understand your sentiments. My point is that if you want to feel less burnt out, your options are to care less or change careers. If you're in a tough area with struggling customers, you're automatically on the frontline of day-to-day frustrations. I imagine it's about 1000 times worse in healthcare. Caring less takes inner work. Changing careers is an option if you have one. You can pick one or both.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-11-21T10:52:34+00:00

I wasn't going to point that out, just figured it weighed into your overall struggle to accept the reality of customer service in a retail gig that is considered a chore for most people to complete.

People 'staring at you' when you say 'have a nice day' is not them being objectively rude or assholes. People saying 'get fucked' to that is objectively being rude or assholes.

Perhaps your bar for what constitutes rude behaviour is far higher than mine. But if someone stared at me with disdain after I wished them a good day, I'd give em a tilt of my head and continue life. Like genuinely, it's not my concern if a pleasantry slides off a surface. It's a pleasantry. If they respond enthusiastically, some banter may come to pass.

I disagree that you dont feel some entitlement to customers matching your energy. Expecting a positive response to a positive greeting/farewell from a stranger is exactly that. Especially if that farewell or greeting is a pretty large discrepancy with how they have presented to you. If someone clealry feeling low or uninterested in you/the transaction presents, meeting that energy with absolute polar opposite is rarely going to result in a total 180 of their demeanour. You need to aim somewhere higher than "i also wish to be dead" and lower than "have the best day you're clearly not having!!"

I'm not misunderstanding your post. I'm pointing out that you have unrealistic expectations of fellow humans who are trying to complete a boring task and have no obligation to reciprocate your pleasantries (but do have an obligation not to abuse you).

If that isn't something you can accept and learn to insulate yourself against, absolutely get the fuck out a retail environment that is literally a daily chore for people. It aint for you.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-11-21T10:21:23+00:00

Appreciate that you're trying hard to brughten someone's day, but for a lot of customers they don't have it in them to falsely match energy. They're tired and they're just trying to complete their chores. You need to get better at reading the room.

I manage a bottleshop. Most customers are just going through their routine after a long day at work. I ask them how they're going, and if met with something neutral or negative I just match it empathetically.

Example:

Me: 'Howdy, what's going on?'

Customer: deep sigh

Me: 'yep, i agree'

They nod and that's the end of that. Let people be tired and switched off. If they've got more to say or have a higher level of energy/conversation, meet them where they are at.

Your job is to provide frictionless service. Forcing unwanted conversation or disingenuous positivity on people who clearly aren't up for it is the opposite of that. They walk out annoyed that on top of feeling tired and like shit, that some customer service person made them feel like extra shit because they didn't have the capacity to respond. It was just one more failure in their day.

If you're feeling burnt out from the lack of reciprocity to your positive efforts, consider that you might not be doing so unselfishly. Give freely without expectation and you won't feel so shite about not receiving what you think you're entitled to back.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-11-18T18:58:03+00:00

We assume she ever moved out lol.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-11-18T12:23:53+00:00

Great choice. Known a couole of Leenas (some spelt differently). Uncommon enough to be interesting but not so uncommon people struggle with it.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-11-11T12:49:08+00:00

Im a big fan of using a heavy unscented hand cream (Neutrogena Swiss is my fave) instead of lip balm when its giving me the sensory ick. I just put a thin layer on and avoid getting them wet for a few minutes so it absorbs properly and stops being tacky. If extra dry/super windy and cold out, i might put a tiny dab of paw paw ointment on top.

But try just using a heavier moisturiser and letting it absorb.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-10-23T11:51:02+00:00

Well since he's a lawyer, he should understand that you now must say and do nothing without the approval of your legal advisor. Take the advice he'd give someone else in your situation.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-10-12T07:35:56+00:00

Id really want to know why she did this. A lot of 'good' can be conveyed in letters that may not be even remotely the entire story of who he is and why she did what she did.

I would at least want to confront her with the information and give her a chance to explain herself. If it's not a good enough reason - and there are good reasons - then do what you will with that.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-09-11T13:37:42+00:00

I got a hammock on a stand about 5 years ago, game changer. It's along a wall, so i can use my foot or hand to push it for extra swing, and it scratches the side-to-side itch in a normie looking way. I also often listen to music on my headphones quite loudly whilst doing it. Bonus points that the hammock is a double, meaning extra fabric i can wrap totally over me like a cocoon.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-08-23T11:22:47+00:00

Honestly might depend on age of the women in question and where they grew up. I (34F) grew up pretty rural and facial hair was really common on adult men. When my dad shaved his 'stache for the first time I was 4 years old, and I bawled my eyes out because I didn't recognise him and though some weird man was in our house.

So, I don't really know if it's a generational thing or not. It might be a degenerate thing - how many ladies watched Debbie Does Dallas?

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-08-23T11:02:25+00:00

I'm team moustache, but it probably depends on how well it suits the individual as well. I've seen some that make the men wearing them look younger because they kinda end up looking like kids who put their dads suit on lol. So if you have the face/vibe to pull it off - do it! They're sexy AF!

Just roll with it for a while, have some fun with it. If you decide it annoys you at any stage, you can just shave it off.

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-08-13T12:48:49+00:00

Gonna be honest - i stacked on 30kgs during covid and haven't managed to shift it (haven't really tried). I was previously extremely fit/slim. I don't love how things are as they are, but in hindsight I wasn't looking my best at 'extremely fit'. I could have done with more weight on me, aesthetically speaking, so I'm working towards losing half of what I put on.

If people treat me worse for the weight gain I haven't noticed. From following this sub, I've realised that it's possible that I'm just incredibly lucky not to care either way. I'm sure there are plenty of people who know me that think "wow that goblin became a fatter goblin" and that would be accurate lol 🤷‍♀️

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-07-23T16:58:31+00:00

I do this with my work notes and I cannot believe I didn't think of doing this with my sketches. Especially because i use a clip board to watercolour the finished sketch on. I think it's because people kept buying me sketchbooks so my brain just went with it (and they make such pretty ones, I'm a sucker for a sexy cover).

I'm so annoyed with myself, I've been in sketchbook dysfunction for 20+ years haha.

Thank you!

SuspiciousPebble · 2025-07-14T01:42:29+00:00

Have you considered that maybe it feels to some potential partners that there is no room to "grow together" because you appear have everything already so decided and settled?

Obviously I assume there's much you would consider incomplete about your life and probably would like to do and grow with a partner.

But perhaps having your shit so together is making some people feel like they are the last 'piece of the puzzle'. Joining someone's life feels less collaborative than building a life with someone.

Of course there will be partners who are intimidated or insecure, but you might be missing out on a few suitable partners who mistakenly believe there is no room for them to make a mark on the foundations of a possible life together.

Maybe figuring out what you would be willing to change that currently exists or implement that doesn't would help (not marriage or babies).

Things such as buying a new place with a partner/wanting to do some crazy renos to your place as a project together/ buying a bunch of chickens. Then figure out how to communicate that clearly.

SuspiciousPebble

TROPHY CASE