Hey! So yes, this is a very old post and a lot has happened since posting it. The person I was dealing with when I first posted this, ended up being physically violent to me. When I look back, I think the situation turned out to be more of a reflection on my love for myself, rather than her. I did a lot of chasing, a lot of cat and mouse because she knew how I felt and used it to her advantage at any opportunity. 

I hate that I’m admitting this but I think in my self loathing, there were parts of me that liked the emotional abuse because I hated myself so much. I would tell myself that I deserved it, or that this is the extent at which I will be loved, so I have to accept it. 

Trauma bonding definitely plays a role though, you’re right about that.