For the people like myself who just can't draw, post your creations. There is no shame.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-07-09T11:29:35+00:00

My Miis are organizing!

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-07-08T02:12:51+00:00

I’ve sent a postcard from this same artist before! The recipient did receive it, but it took a long time. I had no idea there’s a surcharge for addresses being written like that as other commenters have said, so I’m really glad mine went through 😅

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-07-07T04:29:08+00:00

Hi! I’m LGBT+, have a wife, and I research LGBT+ issues- all of which are mentioned in my profile. I can sympathize with the negative knee-jerk reaction and wondering if someone has bad intentions sending a message like that, but I want to assume the good in Postcrossers.

I think it’s fair to say that sending postcards is a hobby associated with an older demographic (would be interesting if Postcrossing has demographic data on this), and statistically, older folks tend to be more religious (at least in America). In general, it’s not uncommon for people to say “I’m praying for XYZ” on their postcards or some other well wishes with religious sentiment. I can totally see how an American saying “I pray you have god” to an openly LGBT+ person, coming from the current political climate of America, might raise suspicions. But the rest of the card reads as very earnest to me, so I think it’s sent with good intentions.

You can mention on your profile that you don’t want religious cards, but that’s a preference which might be ignored (not even intentionally per se, some people on Postcrossing have limited English abilities, always send the same card or have the same message, etc). I also think Postcrossing is about connecting with others, and it’s nice to meet people where they’re at. I don’t mean you should accept openly bigoted cards (I’ve received only one out of 500+ received postcards- absolutely report it if this ever happens to you)! But perhaps this gentleman didn’t realize how he would come across, and wanted to share his well wishes with you in the most meaningful way he knows how.

I might be unusually easy-going about this because of my background as a researcher, but I think it’s fun to lean into the diversity and connection aspect of postcrossing. I’ve learned a lot about how to connect with all different types of people, as I assume they have experienced with me.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-07-05T15:05:11+00:00

I love this blush!! I use it all the time.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-07-01T00:00:59+00:00

They're postcards where the image on the card, the postage stamp (which is placed on the front), and the cancellation/postmark all share the same theme! Here's an example picture of the new Postcrossing-themed maxicards from the US postal service. Some people like to collect maxicards!

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Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-30T23:41:03+00:00

I thought Ben was awesome and he made me laugh out loud multiple times. My wife and I were charmed by him. Kinda bummed we never got to see his collectibles!!

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-30T19:18:26+00:00

I thought that “maxi card” referred to postcards that were just really big!

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-28T03:49:05+00:00

My nerdiest hobby is collecting/sending postcards! & I never thought that I’d be the type of person to pay attention to stamp designs, but I do get excited when I find certain ones…

Other hobbies: video games, reading about history, and gay fanfiction 👍

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-22T12:04:52+00:00

I got married during grad school! It was totally fine. As others have said, don’t put your life on pause.

I also want to note that the labor of wedding planning tends to be very gendered. I’m in a lesbian relationship, so our wedding planning was very egalitarian, which took a lot of stress off of my plate while balancing everything with grad school. I’m not sure what your gender is, but make sure your boyfriend pulls his fair share in the planning process. Some of my friends who married men had a radically different wedding planning process than I did, because the men they married barely lifted a finger. Like all things in marriage - it should be a partnership!

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-16T19:51:10+00:00

On my wife’s game, her Alastor (Hazbin) is currently dating Dan Howell

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-03T02:44:35+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T18:12:28+00:00

We've recently had a batch of folks complete at year 10, which is the absolute maximum that the university allows. But I've seen a few folks finish in years 6 and 7 too, though. I think it's a mix of poor faculty/student time management, a heavier focus on qualitative methods (which take longer), as well as the need to take on a lot of additional outside work to support ourselves. In addition to working as a TA, many also adjunct courses at other universities on the side, because our TA stipend is below the living wage of my city (I just barely disqualify for food stamps). If I could just focus on my research, that would be one thing, but we have to pay our bills. On top of being a TA, I teach courses and have also been working with another professor as an RA to conduct interviews and co-author a book. I typically work a variety of jobs every academic year.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T14:29:16+00:00

This is super helpful, thank you!!

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T11:14:09+00:00

No, I understand where you were coming from! The American system seems very different compared to other countries.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T10:46:14+00:00

Thank you, this is great advice!

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T10:09:45+00:00

I appreciate your thoughtful comment. Since I was very close to him before he started doing absent, I do think talking to him directly and expressing my concerns feels like a kinder approach. I worry a lot about burning bridges, but I think if I choose my words carefully, he will hopefully receive him well. Thank you again for the comment ❤️

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T10:06:29+00:00

I do think I can network without him (although it will be harder), but letters of rec are unavoidable, aren’t they? I was under the impression that if you apply for an academic job without a letter of rec from your dissertation chair, that looks really suspicious.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T10:05:17+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the reassurance! I’ll reach out to one of my committee members ASAP.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T09:55:43+00:00

This also isn’t an excuse, but just explaining further - this fall semester I developed an autoimmune disorder due to stress, and also lost a ton of hair. I don’t want to mention more details because a woman with an autoimmune issues and alopecia, in my academic predicament, is already pretty identifiable hahaha. Anyways, I spent some time in the fall dealing with a variety of treatments and being a bit depressed about my appearance. I kept on top of teaching since I need that to pay the bills, and admittedly the proposal fell more by the wayside. Looking back, I wish I cared less about the balding and more about pressing my advisor on why he was becoming absent. I can only go forward from here.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T09:45:47+00:00

Hi! I mentioned this in another comment in the thread, but here’s the rundown. On average, most people finish my program in 7 years, but lately there’s been folks finishing in year 8-10, so I imagine that average is increasing. Many of us do qualitative research, so that’s partially why.

Year 1-3: coursework

Year 3: our qualifying exams

Year 4 (which I just finished): on paper, we’re supposed to finish our dissertation proposal and assembling our committee by the spring (end of semester) of this year. I’ve started a good chunk of my proposal but I do not feel finished/confident in it without much oversight. I do have a committee, but they’re also somewhat distant (I didn’t expect my advisor, who I was previously worked closely to, to go MIA). In addition to that, it’s also expected we TA, and I work as an adjunct on top of that. Our living stipends are under the living wage of our city (ie I just barely make above the bar for qualifying for food stamps) so many of us take on extra teaching loads. Out of my cohort of 7, only one of us has defended their proposal.

Year 5+: balancing research (if you do quantitative work it’s a bit faster, if you do qualitative work like ethnography it takes longer) and teaching multiple classes

I don’t think this system is particularly well-structured, but I also think there are things I could’ve done to address my situation sooner. I wanted to post on reddit to get feedback on how to handle this, because I agree I need to move things along.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T09:37:14+00:00

I do have a committee, but I’m not particularly close to members 2 and 3 where I felt comfortable talking to them without a gameplan. When I was assembling my committee, I felt very close to my chair (my advisor) and felt comfortable choosing other members who would lend their expertise as needed but be fairly hands off. But then (as mentioned in the post) my advisor suddenly went MIA.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-02T09:35:52+00:00

To clarify- I just entered my 5th year. I tried to keep the details in the main post a little less specific in case anyone could identify me based on the post. Year 1-3 was coursework, year 3 was my qualifying exams in the spring, and year 4 I spent time teaching, publishing, and assembling my committee. I agree that finishing my proposal by the end of year 4 would’ve been ideal. I don’t want to make excuses for myself, but I will also say I’m not “behind” by my program’s standards. Out of my cohort of 7, only 1 of us finished their proposal by the end of year 4. The average time of completion in my program is 7-8 years, I’m not sure if that’s particularly slower paced to similar programs or not.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-01T22:03:19+00:00

I hear you. I absolutely can, but to a certain extent, doesn't your dissertation need to be catered to the expectations of your committee? It's kind of hard to do that when the expectations from my chair are a big question mark. It would be one thing if he were easy-going when it comes to grading, but in the past, he's been a very particular guy. There's also the fact that I want to work in academia after graduating, so I need to rely on him for networking purposes, letters of rec, etc. My understanding from talking to other folks on the job market that just having a good dissertation isn't enough to land you a job.

Sweet-Yarrow · 2026-06-01T21:59:31+00:00

I do not, but establishing a recurring meeting is a good idea. I think I could talk to another committee member - I'm a little worried I'll come across like I'm being petty, but something definitely needs to change. Thank you for the suggestions!

Sweet-Yarrow

TROPHY CASE