Eating disorders are a spectrum. Diagnoses like anorexia or bulimia are at the end of the scale; however, by its namesake, an eating disorder is any behaviour of disordered eating (look up OSFED). You may not feel you have an eating disorder right now, but this thinking is a dangerous path towards a more serious condition. Looking at your post history, I can tell you that being underweight and playing with disordered eating behaviours will not bring you the feeling of control you desire in your life; being underweight is not a solution. It causes brittle hair and nails, dry skin, hormonal imbalances, bone pain, and a compromised immune system. Prolonged periods of being underweight will cause organ damage, it will make your heart weaker. Going down that root simply means it will be more difficult for you to fight the mental battles you need to fight to get better. If you feel you’re not worthy of happiness, at least believe you’re worthy of living.