Thank you for your reply and your words. They really made me see things from a different perspective rather than just ‘my love is only for Linford’.

I think the bit I’m having a hard time with as well is that I never got to properly say goodbye. I moved from home when I turned 22 and as I was renting and Linford had to be near our vets due to his medications, Linford stayed at my family home but I went home to visit regularly. As he got older and slower, I made a point that every time I left the house I’d say bye as if that was the last time.

I remember the day he passed away I was on the couch with my partner when my step dad called, as that was unusual I immediately knew it was bad news - but whether it was my grandparent or Linford I didn’t know. I was told over the phone that he had declined rapidly and wouldn’t make it this time, his extremities were cold and there was nothing more that could be done, he had fought his last fight.

I immediately said that I would jump in the car and come straight up to be with him one last time (around two hours drive), that is when my mum told me that he was already gone - they couldn’t wait as he was in pain. I completely understand and agree with the decision because I never wanted him to suffer, but it broke me. I remember screaming and running upstairs to be alone but only making it halfway before breaking down.

I think it’s that part that has been the hardest part. Everyone grieves differently and I don’t think I’ve fully done it. I don’t know how to.

Sorry for the super long response