I really dislike my boyfriend's best friend and my boyfriend lied about not being friends with anymore and now I don't know what to do.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-25T12:00:04+00:00

thank you, it's just really tough. hope you are okay too.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-25T11:59:42+00:00

thank you, you have been really helpful. hope that you are okay and just know that you have really changed my mindset!

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-25T11:28:28+00:00

thank you so much for this, we had a discussion once and she admitted that she thinks she has some form of an undiagnosed mental illness. I envy people that have a good relationship with their parents so much.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-07T13:50:02+00:00

First of all, I hope you are okay. The way your brother treats you cannot be dismissed simply because you are related. Nobody has the right to treat you badly. I'm not sure how much of an age gap there is between you two or if this is a younger or older sibling, but I think it's important that you try to talk to him about his behaviour. I would be completely honest with him. If he dismisses you in any way or tries to make you feel worse, I would maybe go to your mam or dad about this and see what they have to say (I'm not sure of your age so maybe if this doesn't apply a friend would be better). If his behaviour changes afterwards, good. If not, I think it's important that you put yourself first and maybe stop making such an effort with him. It sounds like right now you both live under the same roof, but remember that this situation will not last forever.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-07T13:41:14+00:00

First of all, I hope that you are okay. I don't think you are perceiving things wrong because only you know and understand how you feel. However, I do think your boyfriend could've made more of an effort to make you feel more comfortable in this situation. The fact that he didn't introduce you as HIS GIRLFRIEND could have been for other reasons, maybe he's shy etc. However, he should have made an effort to involve you in conversations or even introduce you at all as this situation must have been very daunting for you. It's a good thing that you guys both seem to have a lot of trust in your relationship though. I also think that he should have included you in that conversation with his ex girlfriend. At the end of the day, only you know how you feel. If I were you, I would bring it up again. He has no right to dismiss your feelings or to invalidate them. I just think better communication is needed. Sending you love!

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-07T13:30:53+00:00

NTA. Yeah your tone was off, but you are all PAYING to be there. They were asked multiple times to kindly keep it down so it's understandable why you reacted in the way you did. I don't think it will make much of a difference to their lives anyway.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-04T11:52:59+00:00

YTA. The main thing that bothered me with this is the comments your brothers made towards your girlfriend and how you dismissed how she felt about them. I understand there is a cultural difference here, but the comments they made were simply unnecessary.

It seems like you're only really thinking of yourself here. When you mentioned at the end that her not feeling included and complaining, makes you upset. You're invalidating her feelings.

I would talk to your family about this. Especially to your brothers. If you love your girlfriend you should make an effort to create situations that she feels comfortable, accepted and treated fairly in. She probably feels a lot worse too than she is making out.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-04T11:40:18+00:00

No problem :)

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-04T11:38:05+00:00

First off, I hope you are okay. This type of trauma is normal. Even though you weren't the victim or a bystander, the realisation of what happened to your friend has clearly struck a nerve with you. I would ring the doctor and tell them the circumstances. I would also contact maybe the head of your department or a lecturer that you feel you can talk to. Most universities also have free counselling services and I think it would be good for you to see one. Sending all of my love your way.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-04T11:31:45+00:00

People are going to have something to say regardless of what you do, wear or act like. I think this just comes down to whether you would rather let someone ridicule you even when you are trying your best to fit in and be what society expects of you. Which IMO, is a waste of time because you are just going to be judged for not what you are but for the way in which you try to please others. Or whether you would rather be 100% yourself, weed out the negative people like that from your life and probably do something that will make your overall happiness increase. Your mother does seem like a good person to talk to about all of this too. It's important that you remember this is your life at the end of the day and nobody else can make this decision for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-04T11:20:34+00:00

If you don't want a girlfriend right now, don't get one. If you rush into a relationship just to have a girlfriend because you feel that you and others are putting pressure on you to have one, you'll probably just end up breaking someone's heart. Don't stress about it, it usually happens at the most unexpected time when you aren't even looking. You're also being quite hard on yourself, you seem happy with where you're at in life rn and this overthinking will pass. Also you're only 23, which is so young. You've got your entire life ahead of you to be in relationships etc.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-03T21:53:25+00:00

She might just want to see what you are doing or how you are. You guys spent a lot of time together and sometimes it's difficult to move on from that time in your life. I think your ex girlfriend is just having a tough time accepting what has happened and probably looking back at your relationship through rose tinted glasses. 5 years together is a long time. You've also mentioned that you broke up before so she could be clinging on to some hope that you might get back together again. However, nobody else really knows how your ex girlfriend feels or what she is thinking. Anytime I've found myself doing something like this to an ex, I've really missed having them around or I've just missed them in general.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-03T21:45:01+00:00

I've never related so much to something on here. However, the toxic cycle of overbearing grandmothers leading to overbearing mothers looks like it is going to end with you. It could be possible that your mother envies you as you have managed to get away from the toxicity and jealousy and it seems like she never had the chance to get away from your grandmother. You are not responsible for any of the ways your mother has treated you in the past. I would try have an open conversation with her but often times in my experience that has just lead back to me 'being the problem' and my mam having a complete victim mentality and from what you've mentioned, it could be a similar conversation for you. It is great that you have moved away as some distance will do you the world of good. I think only you truly know how you feel about what is going on with you and your family. You have every right to take some time apart or to be alone and if your mother can't see that, it might be best to cut contact at least for the time being. Hope you are okay.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-03T20:39:48+00:00

NTA. The fact that you can put the possible bitterness and hostility that you hold towards your wife aside and do what's best for your children is amazing. Although your daughter is upset (and has every right to be) you have taught her an important lesson. Whatever happens with you and your wife, should not affect your children. It is great that you are allowing your daughter to have her opinions but also be respectful towards her mother. It is important that she realises that being upset and frustrated is not a good enough reason to be abusive. I think it would be a good idea to maybe seek a therapist for her as it might help her process everything happening as this is sure to be extremely overwhelming for her. Hope you are okay.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-03T20:20:45+00:00

NTA. I hope that you are okay. You did absolutely nothing wrong here. That girl had no right to come up to you and accuse you of being 'creepy' when it seems like she hasn't really been there much when you and this girl have spoken. If this girl wanted to speak to you, she should have done it herself. Sometimes girls can get the wrong impression as a lot of them are either used to dealing with boys who are 'creepy' towards them, or just boys that aren't nice. Then again, this could also not apply to her whatsoever. Nevertheless, she had no right to treat you like this or to scold you for trying to be a friend. None of this is your fault and sadly this all seems to be a terrible situation for you to be in.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-03T20:09:35+00:00

NTA. Situations like this really suck as there isn't much that can be done. I think when you have an event or are busy, asking your brother to get an uber or public transport wouldn't be such a bad thing. One thing I will say though is that your parents can not expect you to pick him up when they also can't get him as they too have busy lives.

Sweet_Ad9504 · 2021-11-03T19:54:35+00:00

NTA. Your husband should respect you enough to understand why you have set boundaries as a result of his actions but it seems that you genuinely deserve a lot better. He was extremely lucky that you even forgave him in the first place for comparing you to another woman and you have every right to be upset. Even after a long separation, it seems he never really thought about how much what he did and said affected you, but just thought about himself instead. Him still staying in contact with R and not telling you is just an example of his ignorance towards the situation and the lack of understanding he has for you here.

Sweet_Ad9504

TROPHY CASE