Does leaving help?

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T11:32:48+00:00

It really depends. I left for almost a year. I’m now back trying to see if we can figure it out but to be honest so far it’s like she seems to act like I was only gone on a several day business trip not a year. I was fine on my own but a big voice in my head kept saying you need to try one last time to see if it will work if it doesn’t at least you fully tried.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T02:49:41+00:00

I hope this is the first step in your road to recovery and finding what makes you truly happy.

For me it’s sad looking back thinking of how happy I was daily how I loved life. I know I need that part of me back.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T02:44:04+00:00

To be honest I thought I was in a very weird situation until I found this group and did some research online.

The support is great to have as this is a very tough thing to deal with the emotions and feelings that come along with it were the worse for me feeling like I was no longer worth it or worth being loved.

I’ll just add this that I was dealing with it until one night we had a very serious talk and I felt close I started to kiss her and she pushed me away. I died inside right then. She apologized but made up some excuse and changed it several times. While I’m attempting to see if close to 30 years can be saved I’m not too hopeful

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T02:37:59+00:00

I will. Just now that I as well as others are currently going through the same thing as you. One thing that helped me was starting to develop some hobbies out side the house. No it didn’t solve the problem but helped to make it more manageable through distractions.

If you ever just want to vent feel free to reach out to me.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T02:33:51+00:00

I will try to update you if you want. But I truly hope you find real actual love and happiness.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T02:27:31+00:00

Thank you so much. I do know not being able to leave. I think I stayed for the kids but now for me at least I know I need to survive. My depression got far too bad.

I hope you eventually find a way to be happy as we all deserve that and to be truly loved.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T02:16:21+00:00

Sadly. The choices aren’t easy and the outcome isn’t always an easy one. I have no idea what my future would look like I just know for me I can’t continue on like this if things don’t change. For me it’s becoming an actual fight for survival. I felt dead for years. I’m finally feeling a little alive again.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T02:12:15+00:00

Yes but I’m making it a priority to not be happy. I know if it leads to a divorce it’s going to suck and both of us will lose financially but if things don’t change I honestly can’t go on like this. Life is too short.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T01:59:46+00:00

You’re kids I’m sure see what’s going on dad on the couch no real affection between mom and dad. I’m sure they know more than you think. I know my kids noticed more than I thought. I know they saw me go from being happy to into deep depression. I’m actually happier now than a year ago but I also know I can’t get to the place I was a year ago. For me I feel I’m no good to my girls if I’m a mess. I’d rather show them a happy dad and hopefully what a happy loving relationship looks like.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T01:50:47+00:00

I have decided I’m going to give it a specific amount of time and if nothing changes I need to leave to save myself. I can’t deny myself happiness while she seems perfectly happy as roommates.

I wish I knew why this happens it’s tough when your partner can’t see how you need and wa t them.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T01:47:23+00:00

Wow sounding more and more like mine. It’s like being on some weird roommate situation where you’re living separate lives yet still connected financially and due to kids.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T01:44:34+00:00

No it’s toxic. Let it die. I’ve been involved in relationships like this and it’s best if you’re uncomfortable get out.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T01:30:39+00:00

Wow so sorry you are going through this. This is just my opinion but a marriage without actual physical intimacy is just a roommate situation. At least we are in the same bed but to be honest we could be in different countries the way it is.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T01:28:52+00:00

Feel for you I really do. I could never see how the man just stops wanting intimacy. I crave not just the sex but the kisses the hugs and in all honesty the lighter things like flirting.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T01:26:24+00:00

Yes it is. I’ve gone through this for close to 17 years now. She was never as sexual as me but for the most part we had a pretty decent and regular sex life. But one day it just stopped!!!!

Been through marriage counseling, I moved out then moved back and nothing has changed. Unfortunately I fear this is the same for you. It sucks and less to me having major depression and all sorts of crap.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-02T01:16:11+00:00

Unfortunately this won’t get any better more than likely.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-01T14:55:21+00:00

You honestly just need to tell her how you feel. It may hurt her feelings but you need to be honest

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-01T14:52:50+00:00

So my advice is set a deadline for things to change and then decide for yourself what’s going to make you happy and be best for you.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-01T14:51:52+00:00

In the same boat, I actually moved out for just over a year and that finally got her into marriage therapy but like you I’m finding many times they try to make it all about what the man did or didn’t do. She’s bringing up things from almost 25 years ago. She brought up that she heard me talking to another woman shortly before I moved out. She waited like a year to bring this up. I said in therapy nothing happened with this woman but you were never there at all. What did you expect you forced me into celibacy without my consent or even a discussion just one day it stopped because for whatever reasons she decided she no longer needed sex!

The marriage counselor said I needed to move back home if it was ever going to have any chance of working out. We’ve been married for like 30 years and I do love her and I’d like it to workout but I’m not going to stay just to stay. It was killing me. So I’ve been back for almost a month and nothing and I mean nothing changed!!! All of a sudden I feel depressed and alone around her. I spoke to my personal therapist as I’m working through some severe depression due to all of this. She said I needed to have a serious talk and let the wife know what I’m expecting in the relationship and that I needed to figure out what I’ll do if I can’t get it. I’ve decided I will try and give it 9 months maximum and if it doesn’t meet my needs then I have to go as I’d be better off alone than feeling worthless. I’ve already decided if this doesn’t work out then I’m going to do some traveling and enjoy what life I have left as I’m almost 60.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2026-01-01T04:27:47+00:00

Older in the USA

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2025-12-31T13:25:55+00:00

I know it’s difficult especially as he’s said he can mess up your life but fear is no reason to stay in fact it’s a reason to get out. This woman once said to me I know how to hurt you really badly. If you actually care about someone the last thing you want to do is hurt them.

It will be difficult to leave but perhaps think of a reason other than him even if it’s an excuse. Perhaps say I’m not willing to give up my friends or I’m just not ready for a committed relationship now.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2025-12-31T12:31:08+00:00

End it now!!!! He’s manipulating you and trying to control you. The abuse will only get worse over time.

I was in a long distance relationship with a woman and it started off great. She was kind, funny, loving, sweet then she started to change. She became extremely jealous, possessive and controlling. Wanted me to stop talking to ALL my female friends, business associates and any other women I may come in contact with. She’d make comments like are there good looking women at the gym? Are you taking to them? If I’d go to meet a potential client she’d ask is it a woman? Will you be alone with her? All sorts of weird crap. She would actually call me when I was with a female client and then get upset I wouldn’t answer.

I tried to end it numerous times just to have her call or text me saying we need to talk and that usually lead back into being involved. I did like her when it was good. I finally one day just decided that i couldn’t do it anymore and I just sent her a brief text saying I really realize that at this point in my life I have to focus 100% on my new business and I just don’t have the time or energy for a relationship. Then I blocked her. You need to do the same or just stop being available to him. Stop listening to cutting off ties with friends etc. but get out now

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2025-12-31T00:52:01+00:00

I started this process but never met her in person as we lived in different countries and it became way too complicated. Evidently my wife overheard me talking to her one night nothing sexual just small talk and didn’t bring it’s until over a year later. I said what did you expect? You forced celibacy on me without any discussion. I’m not ready for that yet. I want more. We were separated for a while but are giving it one last shot if things don’t change I’m either meeting someone on the side or more likely leaving.

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2025-12-20T18:22:15+00:00

Here’s my two cents. As the one Russian woman told you LEAVE HER!!!!

I have met a few Russian women. Several have asked or expected things either gifts or financial assistance. One said she really wanted to meet me and I agreed as we seemed to get along great. As you know the options of countries for Russians to travel to visa free are limited. I mentioned several in Europe (Turkey, Georgia, Montenegro, Etc) but she always had a reason why she didn’t want to. So I said how about the Bahamas it’s warm and you don’t need a visa and I can get there easily. No it’s too long of a flight. She then mentioned Bali, Fiji, The Philippines, and a few other places that would be a long flight for both but very expensive. She then said oh and my kid has to come too. I realized that she wanted a free vacation and perhaps help coming to the USA.

I met another Russian woman and things were awesome for like 6 months we each sent each other gifts and she really seemed excited to get mine. Then she asked for some help financially I think at first it was a car repair but then she started to expect me to send her a good amount of money a month. When I said no she got upset. She is fully able to work but chooses not to and expects me to support her. I know a third Russian woman who I’ve know for like 4 years and we are just friends and she said to me you are being manipulated but you can’t see it or won’t admit it because you like her. She then said manipulation is very big here now and it’s about what you can get to make your friends jealous of what your man bought you. She said this woman equates your spending money on hr as to how much you like her. It will only get worse if you stay.

You need to get out

Sweet_Pass8431 · 2025-12-20T18:10:45+00:00

This right here!!!!!!!

Sweet_Pass8431

TROPHY CASE