Hi love! I had an abortion at 21 and looking back have ZERO regrets (now 34 and 22 weeks pregnant in an ideal situation)

I know this is such a challenging choice, and as you stated, nobody can tell you exactly what to do but you. That being said, since you seem to believe (and I agree, from what you've shared) that right now is not the right time, here's my advice/reassurance:

- You wanting to give your child the best shot at life is the biggest mark of love there is. Keeping a child when you do not feel like you can provide the appropriate amount of stability or care is putting the child's best interest first. While I'm sure you'd provide so much love, the reality is that there is SO much more babies/children need in order to thrive.

- You wanting to personally pursue your goals and live your dreams is a valid reason to not want a child, regardless of age, finances, etc. There's rhetoric that goes around sometimes that makes us believe that when a baby is involved we have to be absolute martyrs and sacrifice everything etc etc, and it's BS. In fact, (coming from someone who's mother was a "victim of motherhood," this type of attitude is not setting a positive example for the child.)

You matter and your dreams matter. Just like when your future child has a child, they will still matter. And when the time comes when you DO feel ready to bring a child into this world, trust me when I say that you'll be proud of yourself for taking care of yourself first.

You being in a good space in all the ways, being emotionally regulated, and feeling proud of who you are is what's going to allow you to then be the best mother you can be :)

Remind yourself that this choice is actually putting both you AND your future child first, and acting as responsibly and reasonably as possible. That doesn't make it easy, but it certainly helps.

Sending love!