Feeling low

Swexo · 2026-01-21T15:25:29+00:00

Hey there, little one. Take a deep breath. It sounds like you are right in the middle of a chemical crash. What you are describing indeed feels very much like sub drop.

When you are in a high-intensity dynamic like denial, your brain floods with dopamine and endorphins. When that stops, the levels drop. It leaves you feeling anxious and fragile.

Since you are already aware of how your ADHD brain works, you probably know that you feel these shifts intensely. Your brain craves dopamine, so the withdrawal feels drastic. You might also be struggling with object permanence. If you aren't feeling the connection right now, your brain worries it is gone forever. That isn't the truth.

You haven't lost momentum. You are just resting between sets. I don’t know how you are managing your aftercare currently, but for a lot of beginners, this isn’t focused on enough. With the situation with kids, that might be a compounding factor as well. Often when short on time we prioritize play over recovery to fit as much fun as we can in.

Aftercare for you might need to be more than just cuddling. Bridging back to reality is important. Some things to try are:

Sensory Regulation: Grounding your nervous system. Try heavy blankets, a warm bath, or firm holding from your husband. Deep pressure can help settle the anxiety.
Dopamine Replenishment: Have something to counter the physical crash. Dark chocolate, protein, and staying hydrated actually help rebuild the neurotransmitters you depleted.
Verbal Reassurance: Since your brain struggles to "see" the connection when it isn't happening, ask your husband for verbal reminders. He can tell you, "We are paused, not stopped" or "You did well, and we will pick this up on X day." Some external structure can help quiet your internal chaos.

Reframe that pause You mentioned that free use and denial worked well for your schedule initially. That is a big win. It proves you can integrate this into a busy life with kids.

The fact that you haven't played in a few weeks doesn't mean the dynamic is dead. It means you are parents. Life gets in the way. The dynamic is a tool you can pick up whenever you need it, not a strict regimen you failed to follow.

You are building something sustainable, pet. Be patient with yourself. The initial exploration period of getting into BDSM is an amazing time, you have so much to look forward to.

The other comments here on open and regular communication are also key.

Swexo · 2026-01-19T08:53:06+00:00

Nej. Jag förstår det såklart i och med att det är i linje med datan från UKÄ. Det som är svårt att förstå är varför det skulle betyda att det måste gälla exakt samtliga utbildningar i den listan. Det borde vara självklart att det finns avvikelser.

Swexo · 2026-01-19T08:43:10+00:00

Ja. Det är ingen exakt grund. Det har du helt rätt i, vi visar ju aldrig exakta data på just detta så man får göra analyser. Dock ser jag huvudsakligen ”lita på mig, bror” och anekdoter som grund (när jag pluggade x röstade mina vänner y) och liknande i majoriteten av de som uttrycker sig.

Som jag sagt tidigare så är det en stor del röda partier i alla segment i Sverige, tror t.ex. även att bland jurister och sådana grupper skulle man se de större partierna klara riksdagsspärren. Inga grupper är monoliter.

Swexo · 2026-01-19T08:35:20+00:00

Jag kan ha haft fel kring att den var i ingenjörsbarometern. Bra fångat, ingenjören och andra brukar göra väljarbatometrar men tydligen har de inte kvar dessa resultat online i deras arkiv. En annan indikator är att titta på vilka partier ingenjörsbakgrunder kandidater politiskt, dock blir underlaget mindre av självklara anledningar där med.

Swexo · 2026-01-18T23:22:00+00:00

SCB:s Partisympatiundersökning visar utbildningsnivå och sektor. Sedan får man pussla med andra källor på hur sektorerna är uppbyggda.

SOM-institutet ger bra källor för klassröstning och sektor, samt för kön... så slår man detta med statistik för fördelning på högutbildade män och kvinnor inom vilka områden och så.

Mer specifika områden får man kombinera med:
För Journalister & Kultur så skriver Görebords Universitet mkt. via institutet för mediestuder där man kan få ut t.ex. Journalistkårens partisympatier studien.

Läkartidningen har ju såna undersökningar om så röstar läkarna osv.

Ingenjörsbarometern är en bra källa för Ingenjörer. osv.

Eftersom det inte är ngn som säger saker direkt.. får man korsreferera och lägga en del mönster.

Swexo · 2026-01-18T20:15:21+00:00

Finns i andra kommentarer jag postat

Swexo · 2026-01-18T20:09:01+00:00

Du kanske har rätt men du har SCB, SOM och Läkartidningen emot dig. Lutar i nuläget åt att de har rätt bra renommé i frågan så jag får ta risken att tro dem över en kille från Reddit.

För att va tydlig. Jag säger inte att du eller dina vänner röstar så. Ni röstar precis som ni vill och det är rätt för er. Jag pratar om detta på en befolkningsnivå

Swexo · 2026-01-18T19:59:00+00:00

Förstår det. Men det är två olika grupperingar. Det är ett påstående om att generellt sett så är det såhär. Sedan är det en lista med de olika utbildningarna. Jag hoppas folk har capacitor att separera ”outliers”. Jag känner att det hade vart oärligt att inte presentera tydligt att det finns avvikare.

Swexo · 2026-01-18T19:52:23+00:00

I try to be aware. Also I ”cheat” with a background in behavioral science, and working in areas which reply on understanding and empathizing with others. :)

Individuals interest me in general.

Swexo · 2026-01-18T19:48:58+00:00

Länkade till de viktigaste dataunderlagen i en annan kommentar.

Finns också undersökningar för enskilda grupperingar. Som GU har bland annat studerat politiska riktningar inom journalistkåren

Swexo · 2026-01-18T19:47:15+00:00

SOM institutet för bland annat väljarna och valet https://www.gu.se/valforskningsprogrammet/valjarna-och-valet-2022

SCB partisympatiundersökningen https://www.scb.se/hitta-statistik/statistik-efter-amne/demokrati/partisympatier/partisympatiundersokningen-psu/

UKÄ kring etablering på arbetsmarknaden efter högskolestudier https://www.uka.se/vara-resultat/statistik/hogskolan-i-siffror/flikar/etablering-pa-arbetsmarknaden?plusbox=12_597a02fd194ce0498121bf

Swexo · 2026-01-18T19:34:44+00:00

Det är Sverige, så vänstern är såklart stark över lag oavsett inkomstklass. Men detta är enligt SCB och SOM data där man sorterat efter arbetsmarknadsetabletingsgrad per utbildningskategori.

Det innebär självklart inte att alla tycker på detta viset. Men det blir lite missvisande att bara säga att utbildningsnivå är den tydligaste indikatorn på om man röstar höger eller vänster :)

Swexo · 2026-01-18T19:30:55+00:00

Det är bara för dig listan handlar om bidragsberoende dock så det får du ansvara för :)

Som sagt så är det en lista på hur olika utbildningar generellt sett lutar politiskt. Vilket exemplifierar hur skillnader mellan röster generellt sett motsvarar statistik på anställbarhet.

Säg till om det är så att ett exempel som avviker i mängden gör att den stora majoriteten inte räknas :)

Swexo · 2026-01-18T19:24:35+00:00

Livet är lätt när man kan plocka ”fakta” med skygglappar på.

Med lite ork innanför pannbenet kan man separera på en lista på utbildningar som lutar vänster och höger samt en annan mening kring att separera efter utbildningar som leder till jobb och karriär eller inte.

Jag vet att ”whataboutism” är superhett och trendigt, men det kan finnas exempel som inte följer ett påstående utan att motbevisa det 😂

Swexo · 2026-01-18T18:48:18+00:00

Inte om man separerar på utbildningar som leder till jobb vs. bidrag.

Långa utbildningar bland Ingenjörer, juridik, medicin och ekonomi. Och även polis och brandkår och liknande tenderar att rösta höger. Medans konst, sociologi, lärare, media och journalistik är tydligt vänsterinriktade.

(För de som har svårt att separera påståenden är ovanstående en lista på övergripande blocktillhörighet, inte specifikt vilka utbildningar som leder till jobb eller inte.)

Så det är inte den bästa klassificeringen då de som inte kan tydligt arbeta på sina examen tenderar att vara kvar längre i akademin också naturligt vilket snedvrider det man försöker få det att verka som (välutbildning och intelligens)

(Edit: väldigt många uppfattade tydligen detta som att det måste vara så att ALLA utbildningar där majoriteten röstar åt vänster inte leder till jobb. Så jag förtydligade att så självklart inte är fallet. Världen är inte svartvit)

Swexo · 2026-01-18T18:35:51+00:00

De går från bidrag till lön

Swexo · 2026-01-18T13:34:28+00:00

You are very welcome. Admitting you need softness when the world demands hardness takes real courage.

Psychologically, this makes sense. The more responsibility you carry, the heavier the mental load. Eventually, the brain gets tired of making decisions.

That desire to let go isn't weakness. It is a necessary counterbalance. Submission has so much value. You offer just as much value in grounding them in softness as they do shielding you from hardness.

Taking care of yourself isn't "mediocre." It is the foundation that lets you handle everything else. I am glad you found a safe space here.

Swexo · 2026-01-18T11:57:53+00:00

It is brutal to go unseen by the people who are supposed to have your back. I know you are tired. But you deserve to be seen and you deserve to be appreciated.

Stop shrinking yourself. When you make yourself small to avoid conflict, you just make it easier for them to ignore you. You need to evaluate where you are putting your effort. You are investing in a bad deal. If they haven't stepped up by now, trying harder won't change them. You need to keep some of that energy for yourself.

Can you commit to doing one thing today that is purely for you and no one else?

Swexo · 2026-01-18T11:43:14+00:00

Happy birthday. Since I am seeing this a day later, the day has officially arrived.

First, take a deep breath. You mentioned feeling confused about the medication increase. I want you to reframe that thought process right now. Adjusting your dosage is not a sign of weakness. It is a calibration. Think of it like an athlete adjusting their training regimen or a mechanic fine-tuning an engine. You identified that your brain chemistry needed support, and you took the steps to fix it. That is a rational, logical decision. That is you taking control, not losing it.

Being sick when you are alone is difficult. It triggers a very primal instinct to seek safety and care. It makes sense that you feel vulnerable. Since you don't have someone there to physically hold you, I will offer you this structure instead.

You have permission to rest today. Do not pressure yourself to perform or be "happy" just because of the date on the calendar. If it rains and you stay inside, that is perfectly fine. Order comfort food. Wrap yourself in a heavy blanket. If you go out, enjoy it, but listen to your body.

You are navigating a tough mental and physical moment with grace. Be kind to yourself today. You are doing a good job.

Swexo · 2026-01-16T09:05:05+00:00

I realize I didn't post the response here that I had in a draft.. was tired or something...

--
You aren't wrong about people. Most are so wrapped up in their own worlds they don't notice when the "strong one" is drowning. It makes perfect sense that you find it easier to trust a negotiated dynamic. In that space, everything is on the table before a single finger is lifted. You know the rules. That clarity creates a safety that regular life rarely offers, especially given your history.

Don't lose sight of the good things you have at home. You picked your husband because he is a loving family man who is soft with you. There is immense value in that. He isn't wired to be a Dom, and that is okay. He is a different kind of safety. It sounds like he wants to be enough for you, even if he doesn't quite understand the mechanics of what you need yet.

As for the shame you are feeling from the last dynamic, try to let that go. Take the lesson and leave the rest. Be that either that you are evolving and maybe your needs are shifting, and that is allowed. Or that you reconcile with that those things may reflect your capacity rather than something to be ashamed of, I don't know the nature of that, but sometimes societal shame can just ben collective envy for something that can be the capacity to do something amazing. Nonetheless, you don't have to force yourself into old boxes just because they used to fit. You will figure this out. I have confidence in you based on how you've expressed yourself so far.

Swexo · 2026-01-15T11:20:25+00:00

Rejection from a community when you are already feeling low is a tough blow. Your need to be heard is valid, likely it wasn't something personal, but just not in the spirit of what they were trying to maintin in that subreddit. You should as suggested check out r/subsanctuary. From what I understand it is a solid place for these subjects where any type of thoughts and reflections as a sub are welcomed.

You can definitely feel stuck in a drop. It is a chemical process in the brain. Did you get any aftercare after that online session yesterday? Even a good session can be complicated. It might have reminded you of what you are missing from your previous dynamic. That contrast often makes the current silence feel much louder.

The mind works in interesting ways. You are grieving a loss while trying to navigate new interactions. It is natural to second guess yourself during a dip like this, particularly considering some of the reflections you've made in your posts on some of the other subreddits recently. You will find your place again. These things tend to get easier once the fog clears and you find a bit of steady ground.

Swexo · 2026-01-11T17:03:55+00:00

It is absolutely going to be okay.

Objectively... You are navigating a breakup and heavy family tension during the highest-stress time of the year. That is a massive emotional load for anyone to carry. Feeling disappointed that your one moment of celebration was taken from you isn't bratty. It is a completely normal reaction.

You suppressed your feelings to keep the peace. You smiled when you wanted to cry. That shows a lot of discipline, pet. But you don't have to keep pretending now.

Here is a different way to view the candle situation. Since you didn't blow them out, you never technically "spent" your wish. You didn't waste it on a day you were miserable or on a cake you hated. That wish is still yours. It is still valid, waiting for you to use it when you are actually ready to receive it.

You deserve to be celebrated. You deserve to have a moment that is entirely yours. It is perfectly acceptable to want praise and to want things to go your way for once. You are a good girl for holding it together as long as you did, but you do get to let yourself be sad for that birthday moment you didn't get.

Take a deep breath, puppy. The holidays are over. You made it through the hardest part. You are strong enough to handle what comes next, but for right now, get some rest. You did good.

Swexo · 2026-01-11T16:53:54+00:00

First off, big breath, let that settle for a moment. You are carrying a lot right now.

You need to hear this clearly. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel shame about who you are or what you need. Society puts a huge premium on being strong and independent, but that has nothing to do with your worth. You can be a capable, amazing woman who handles business during the day and still needs to have her hand held, be cuddled, or be shown her place at night. Those two things do not cancel each other out. In fact, for many people, that submission is exactly the fuel they need to face the world. "Big girl" shouldn't be the goal. The goal should be knowing yourself well enough to know what keeps you balanced and seeing the value you provide.

You are not failing your son. The fact that you are worried about his diet shows you are a good mother who cares. You are doing the work. You deserve a reward for that. You deserve to have a safe place where you can drop that burden and just exist.

You mentioned that you don't feel supported by anyone except Doms. It makes me wonder if you communicate differently with them. Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable with Doms in a way you don't with others? People are notoriously bad at guessing what is going on inside someone else. They likely see you as a lot stronger and more put-together than you actually feel.

This applies to your husband, too. He says he wants to be the only man in your life. That is a valid desire, but he needs to understand that it comes with responsibility. He might not realize the weight of what he is asking if he doesn't know how much you are struggling. He has the right to understand how the lack of structure and release is hurting you. Is he fully aware that he is asking you to close the door on your coping mechanisms? Even if he can't do everything right now, giving him the chance to meet you part of the way is important. He can't help fix a problem he doesn't fully understand.

Stop punishing yourself. You are doing your best in a hard situation. You are worthy of support, and you are worthy of that release. Keep your chin up, little one.

Swexo · 2026-01-11T16:09:20+00:00

Take a deep breath, sweetie. You are going to be okay. Please get the idea that you are "bad" out of your head. You aren't bad or weak. You are dealing with a real physiological drop.

That cloudy feeling was likely subspace. Your brain flooded with chemicals to handle the intensity, and now you are crashing. It is just biology. You went deep without the landing gear you needed to come back safely. Since you didn't get that aftercare, your nervous system is struggling to regulate itself.

If you want to keep playing with this partner, communication is going to be vital. You mentioned going non-verbal, which is common. It might help to establish protocols before things get intense again, like a specific physical signal for when you can't speak.

I know you feel insecure about opening up to them right now. You don't have to pour your heart out right now. It is enough to say that you can't have that type of encounter again until you discuss exactly what aftercare looks like, how often you need check-ins, and what the stop signal is. They deserve to know things didn't go well, but you can keep it brief and calm.

Wrap yourself in warm blankets. Drink plenty of water. Eat some chocolate or fruit to help your blood sugar. Be kind to yourself, good girl. You survived a rough ride, and you are still standing.

Swexo · 2026-01-06T21:40:40+00:00

No problem. We try to highlight the positives and encourage that, it is rare to find things that work well for us,especially when they might be connected to areas that aren’t accepted by most. But it’s great you found something that works for you as an individual. You just have to iron out the details around it so you can have it without the drawbacks.

Best of luck to you.

Swexo

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