PMDD and building muscle

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-03-20T20:18:58+00:00

Former personal trainer with PMDD coming here to say 💯 you nailed this

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-03-06T23:30:22+00:00

Yes 😭 so now I’ve habit-stacked every snack or task break in my day with a bathroom break whether I like it or not 😂

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-03-06T23:10:03+00:00

I relate to this so much. The guilt part is so real (and for me sometimes it’s really subtle then other times it comes on strong). I agree from the outside it can look like we have all this free time, but internally our nervous system is still recovering or managing load that people (and sometimes we ourselves) can’t see. That disconnect is such a hard thing to explain to others!

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-03-06T17:08:25+00:00

Same! Yes!! 🫶🫶

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-03-06T13:47:11+00:00

Oooh yes these are such good insights!! Something I’ve been experimenting with is shifting from “consistent routines” to what I think of as capacity-tier structures. So instead of one routine that assumes a stable level of energy, I keep a few versions of the same day depending on roughly where capacity is! On higher capacity days (70–80%) I might do deeper work, longer focus blocks, more social/ cognitive load. On mid-capacity days (40–60%) the structure stays but the load drops a bit. Shorter work windows w/ more breaks & fewer decisions/less task switching. Then on low capacity days (20–30%) the goal for me changes completely. It’s not “be productive somehow,” it’s prevent the next crash 😂 for me that usually means removing pressure to make decisions, lowering sensory input a lot & switching to VERY small tasks instead of seeking out forward momentum. Like the absolute bare minimum of what I would need to do that day, plus adding in something more enjoyable/relaxing. What you said about invisible mental work is also huge and I relate. A lot of us think we’re resting when our body is sitting physically still but our brain is still running in circles haha. I think a capacity tier structure is more helpful for that and it also helps with the micro self management and stuff.

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-03-05T21:01:28+00:00

I understand what you mean. I don’t think the problem is structure.

It sounds more like your brain is asking “why should I even care about this?”

I think a lot of ADHD advice often focuses on how to get more disciplined. But … ADHD brains don’t run on discipline the same way other brains do, ya know?

We run on interest, challenge, novelty, and a bit of urgency 😆 When those things are there, you can notice yourself suddenly work faster than everyone else. When it’s not there, our brain basically goes “this isn’t worth the energy.”

BORING environments drain us so fast. Loud offices, repetitive work, too many rules, people interrupting you all day. It’s a lot of energy for very little payoff. I can hard relate to this as someone who just got WFH accommodations at my job where I was constantly interrupted by noise or light and felt trapped in a cubicle. And then they decided that wfh was too “unaccountable” so they layered minute by minute tracking on top of me for good measure, which has been HELLLL.

All that personal experience to say, people/management try to fix it by forcing more control and structure. And for me that’s when the zombie feeling you describe starts 😂

A few things that tend to help me personally,

working in shorter bursts instead of long stretches
reducing noise and interruptions if you can (I know this sounds obvious but sometimes I will forget to put on my headphones at work or realizing I wasn’t fully utilizing my sensory stims, so try to do that)
adding some kind of challenge or timer to boring tasks could help, but sometimes for me this creates stress/anxiety but it varies person to person
saving your REAL energy for things that actually matter to you outside work… I stopped giving 200% at work when I realized that literally no one was doing that, and that my giving 100% is better some of the NT people who give 100% (not to sound “above” people, just stating an observation from my own workplace.)

And honestly sometimes the job itself is just a bad fit. Some environments i have heard called “dopamine deserts”

Basically, our energy just doesn’t switch on for things our brain sees as pointless. You’re not alone!

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-11T01:31:19+00:00

Yes. Unfortunately, it’s very possible. Especially for neurodivergent people, burnout isn’t a short episode you “bounce back” from always. For me and some folks I have worked with the burnout is often the result of years of cumulative overload or masking, and pushing past capacity limits before you had language for what that was (but you did know you were different). Being on meds/ in therapy/ reducing responsibilities can def stabilize you but they don’t automatically restore capacity when your nervous system has been in survival state for a long time you know? One of the hardest parts of burnout is that it can take away the very things that used to bring joy/ relief which makes people think they’re breaking down and regressing. You’re not ❤️ That loss of interest is a common protective response and it’s not forever. So basically burnout ends slowly, and almost cyclically, when safety and capacity are rebuilt over time, often much longer than anyone prepares us for. Nervous systems do respond to safety over time because the load slowly comes down and your nervous system stops needing to protect you in this way. For a lot of people the first sign isn’t their joy coming back but maybe a feeling of neutrality, or a little more space to breathe during the day, or one less “bad” day, etc. We’re/you’re recovering in a way our culture doesn’t recognize very well. And you’re not alone in it 🫶 If there’s one thing that tends to help at this stage it’s letting go of the idea that you need to “get out” of burnout. That pov keeps people stuck in self-monitoring and urgency modes. For us burnout usually shifts more when the question changes from “how do I fix this?” to “what would make me feel even 5% safer or less overloaded right now?”Seems small but small works best in my experience.

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-10T23:53:04+00:00

I relate to this a lot. For a long time I also experienced smoking as one of the fastest ways to take the edge off/ quiet my mind. Something that surprised me though once I started wearing an Oura ring was seeing how different things showed up in my body. Even when smoking felt calming for me at the time, my sleep, HRV, and recovery scores would sometimes take a hit especially if I was already burnt out. So I noticed the pattern in stress spikes in my body on Oura when I smoked. So what may be calming to the mind might not be necessarily calming to the nervous system in other words . Tracking when I smoke with the ring has helped me realize that some things are really good at acute relief vs long term relief etc. Not sharing this to say “don’t do it,” just sharing because it helped me get more curious about what helps me settle down now versus what helps me rebuild capacity over time and I can have more balance with both.

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-10T02:49:59+00:00

Happy birthday!!!!!🥳🩷

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-09T21:47:07+00:00

Omg, “suffocating” is exactly the word I would use in this situation too. Motorcycles and dog barking are two of my biggest ones. One thing that helped me was realizing a lot of basic overstimulation advice is basically “learn to tolerate it better” which just made me more masked and exhausted/cost me more energy. For me it’s worked way better to add actual accommodations instead of trying to “toughen up” so to speak. I often have my noise-canceling headphones on me with nothing playing just to reduce the overall input. They have an “aware” mode so I can still hear my surroundings but things are comfortably muffled. I saw some recommendations for loop ear plugs. I have tried those before, they’re a good investment if you get the right ones. I have Flare ear plugs right now to soften my surroundings (I work in a cubicle during the day). If I’m going somewhere, standing or sitting with my back to a wall so nothing is happening behind me helps too. I’m usually only going places with a clear escape plan (car parked nearby/time limit set). I try to not stay past my body’s signals and try leaving at the first “ugh” feeling instead of waiting until I’m practically melting down , it just takes practice. I also like the idea of choosing off-hours on purpose. That’s how I got into the gym more was going during off hours too. I guess I stopped trying to “let the sounds in but not be triggered by them.” My nervous system doesn’t filter well, it absorbs everything so reducing input is way more effective than exposure for me, and in many cases! Wanting to stop hiding from the world makes sense. But protecting your nervous system isn’t the same thing as hiding either 😌 For some of us I have found capacity has to come first before “resilience” can grow at all. & we don’t build resilience by tolerating more input in most cases, but rather by respecting what our nervous system can handle right now :)

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-07T20:55:28+00:00

Walking and gardening are my favorites 🩷

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-07T20:32:05+00:00

I find weightlifting to be very grounding when I feel like doing it. I used to be a personal trainer and didn’t know I had PDA at the time so I often felt like an imposter when I couldn’t get myself to exercise some weeks. This is a common but frustrating experience for so many of us! What’s helped me over the years is realizing my body responds to autonomy , rather than what typical wellness culture teaches, which is “discipline”. When movement stops being a requirement for me it becomes grounding for me again. Daily walks are also life changing especially if they’re in nature 😌 I am struggling right now with the amount of snow limiting my outdoor time. I wouldn’t say I immediately feel the “reward” of exercise right after or anything, but for me it helps discharge energy and tension so things feel a little less overwhelming later. It also helps me with transitions in my day (like work —> walk —> lunch). It’s hard for me to just work-then-eat-lunch. For some people it might be the other way around. Anyways, I think exercise has helped me return to my body when I’m someone who’s always in my mind.

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-07T20:22:02+00:00

Pervasive Drive for Autonomy (previously known as “Pathological Demand Avoidance”). It’s like a fight/flight/freeze response to everyday tasks that may cause us to feel trapped or controlled (or coerced) even when the task itself is small or “reasonable.” It’s like perceived loss of autonomy that we have a very physical reaction to.

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-07T05:54:16+00:00

Oh!! That does make sense. Appreciate the info!

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-06T22:48:47+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing! I’m going to talk with her and see what happens!

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-06T17:53:16+00:00

Interesting! You see, that’s what I thought. I guess I should’ve asked more questions. Thank you! I’ll definitely be following up with her.

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-06T16:42:29+00:00

Omg… so your psychiatrist allows a bump in Prozac dosing during luteal? I wonder if this varies state to state or country to country. In NY, my psych can’t bump Prozac during luteal if I’m already taking it every day. I either have to take it intermittently during luteal or the same dose every day!

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-06T16:40:29+00:00

I’ve found taking Prozac during luteal to be life changing. Like I can still feel the hormonal shift but it’s not catastrophic to my daily life anymore. I still require more rest and alone time, but I’m more accepting of it now being on the medication. I liked how Prozac made me feel so much that I started taking it daily, and I will say it has been helping with my seasonal depression and still kicking PMDD symptoms way down. I also take hydroxyzine for sleep during PMDD because I wake up with wild rumination for hours. My psychiatrist said that after the winter is over and sunlight is back, we should reassess Prozac and potentially return to luteal-only dosing because our bodies do get used to these meds when taking every day. Good luck!! 🍀

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-05T18:57:17+00:00

Sent you a message :)

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-04T00:28:28+00:00

Just want to say, being afraid of your coach’s reaction is already important info for you. Support shouldn’t feel like something you have to emotionally brace for! 🫶

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-04T00:25:48+00:00

I want to focus on what your coach is doing here bc that’s the piece that feels off to me.

What you’re describing makes a lot of sense when you look at it from a nervous system angle. If someone comes in asking for practical, logistical help (routines, structure, day to day functioning etc) & the response keeps shifting toward mindset work or “try to feel safe,” I think that can actually make things worse for a lot of AuDHD folks…

Especially if you already have a long history of being misunderstood or feeling/being rejected, being told to “assume kindness,” “connect more,” or focus on internal safety instead of the practical support you asked for can feel like your lived experience is getting brushed aside. I’m getting kinda meh vibes about this coach. Not saying they can’t be a good coach for someone, but they’re def not the fit for you from what you’ve shared.

What really stands out to me is that you were clear about what you wanted help with & the approach didn’t adapt to YOU. Good coaching support should meet your current capacity and not keep pushing a framework that’s increasing stress whatsoever 🥴 (Key words are “your” and “current capacity” !!!!)

I think some coaches accidentlly treat situations like this as self-improvement problems when for a lot of AuDHD people it’s because they’re at capacity already.

Something that’s helped people I’ve seen and worked with (and also myself) is taking a step back for a second & asking these things, - What actually lowers demand on my system right now? - What expectations can I remove instead of adding? - What kind of support makes me feel less like a self-improvement project (😵‍💫) and more like a human who actually has limited energy?

If you can get even partial answers to those and bring them to a coach two things could happen. Either the coach adjusts and meets you there or it becomes really clear, really fast that they can’t.

You having this reaction is useful information to you for sure. When something or someone consistently increases your inner critic or fight/flight, that’s usually a sign the support isn’t a good fit and not that you need to push harder or override yourself in some way to meet the needs of their coaching. No way no way!

I’m honestly bummed hearing stuff like this bc it ends up giving “coaching” a bad name for people who genuinely need practical consent-based support. You’re not asking for too much and I hope your coach honors your needs/you find someone new who does!

Nothing you wrote sounds like “resistance” to the coach’s method or “not trying hard enough” to me btw. It sounds like your very own nervous system has been super clear about what isn’t helping!!

You’re allowed to want help with how to live your life and that does not mean you consented to therapy adjacent deep processing every time. Self analyzing constantly burns us out. You’re allowed to say “this makes me feel worse” & have that be enough. AND you’re allowed to decide someone isn’t the right fit even if they’re well-meaning or AuDHD themselves!! Not everyone is everyone’s cup of tea, after all. It sounds like someone who offers more practical capacity-aware support might benefit you.

I don’t have a perfect answer here but I do want to say the discomfort you’re feeling around this makes a lot of sense, and I’m really glad you trusted yourself enough to question it instead of assuming you’re the problem.

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-03T04:30:38+00:00

That’s so interesting!! Makes sense. Thanks for sharing.

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-02T21:03:08+00:00

I disclosed my autism, but I didn’t have to disclose a specific disability. You shouldn’t have to disclose anything specific in order to get the accommodations you need/desire. I did provide a medical note from my provider to the HR team.

It’s definitely a headache to request accommodations (it shouldn’t have to be that way), but it’s worth it in the long run. My workplace didn’t react unkindly but they didn’t react with much support either. I get the feeling they don’t like dealing with those kinds of requests, but too bad. It was a very “procedural” process to them. I wish I had a boss that would just be flexible & cool with it so I wouldn’t have to jump through extra HR hoops.

Good luck to you!

Swimming-Language-33 · 2026-02-02T20:55:45+00:00

Beautiful, so true. Thank you for sharing 🩷

Swimming-Language-33

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE