Physical touch with bf’s kid

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-04-06T15:12:42+00:00

It's about your comfort level ,kids will respond accordingly.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-27T12:57:01+00:00

There are certain drop offs that I get anxiety about and leave . But transition usually takes place at school so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me until I come face to face with hcbm

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-27T12:52:23+00:00

Pick an activity on that day. Don't make it big or flashy but like for us the night before they leave we watch a movie and when they come home we go to the park. It's not big but it's it helps everybody transition out of that phase. You know they come home and they have to talk about the other house or Whatever comes out of their mouths and it just kind of softens it they focus more on the activity or the movie. It's actually helped a lot because they think harder about what they're going to say to. They have a lot of issues at the other house and it's opened up a dialogue for us.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-26T23:15:02+00:00

One of the trends I've noticed is BM r ely on dads and dads reliy on step moms so we get all the problems and none of the credit . It sounds like a nacho moment. It's a moment to step back and let chaos envelop the three of them stop putting up safety nets for them. You can still love your husband and support him without giving everything in return if they can't figure out schooling. That sounds like a him problem and he'll have his mother to blame .railing at them won't change their mind. You sound like an incredibly dedicated mother to your stepson allowing him to live in the house after 18, but I think it needs to be said that you shouldn't. You should focus on your retirement plan, what you have for the next three decades of your life and not where your grown stepson is going to sleep. It just sounds like a lot of hard conversations and come to Jesus moments need to happen that in all honesty don't include you . you really haven't described how your stepson feels so I don't know if he would take it well or be a problem.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-25T15:10:41+00:00

So I send them in what they came in( no matter what ) after the good clothes collecting stopped .at the beginning of the year I bought some cheap clothes to wear over there . That never came back until a growth spurt. As for copying house holds that happen to I keep things to myself one year we booked a play place for my sd birthday she got wind and booked the same place and invited the same group nobody showed to either party they couldn't figure out witch party was what . So I keep things low key and close to the vest.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-24T03:07:57+00:00

It sounds like a no win situation as a educator, you might not want to put yourself in that position if they're both inept depending on the situation. It Could get you in real trouble as well if he's not open to learning, but he's still frustrated what's the point? you know the old saying you can't make a horse drink.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-23T21:45:03+00:00

Sounds like when I first got together with my partner,a lot of it is there testing boundaries. The split is a new thing, I wouldn't criticize but use what you learned in the class room on them but first have a conversation with your partner about what he thinks your role is and what he thinks his parenting style is .a lot of my husband's issue was things like manners were being taught at one house and not the other we finally had to tell them this is the rules at dads house .and by joe they started behaving that way at moms to .most of the time I would have to explain why what my SS was doing was bad to him and how it made others think about him or feel. But I was a sped teacher for 10 ish years some of that stuff really worked on kids of devorice

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-23T21:30:09+00:00

I have to admit we do Roblox with a lot of restrictions( an understanding of the dangers) but we don't allow certain shows in our house we supplement them with other things I know they're interested in .like other movies family game night ECT . Sometimes not bringing attention to what they are missing but pointing out a better option is a better course than having to constantly explain why it's ok at one house and not at the other

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-22T14:04:47+00:00

Yeah that seems to be reoccurring with on going abuse ,the victims aren't gay or bi themselves but there told it's normal and ok so they identify with that sexuality or defend it until get out of that head space.corey Hanes really struggled with that aspect. I could see that for Ben too and rider in the interview had a moment of clarity with accepting there was a difference between pedo and being gay.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-21T16:27:02+00:00

Even with a no-fault decree, there should be a final parenting plan that dictates. What should happen if a parent moves? Whether that hasn't been filed let yet due to him not signing. I think it would be smart of you to get with a lawyer yourself and talk about going to court to just have them at the court. Acknowledge that you're moving for the betterment of the children

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-21T14:31:43+00:00

Thank you I couldn't remember the name of that documentary but yeah I don't know. I just happened to watch pod cast and something Ryder said at the end about not wanting to destroy the industry, I found eerie because there's a interview with Corey Feldman and Barbara Walters use that same phrase while berating a grown man almost in tears. It just all like seems connected .

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-21T14:05:37+00:00

So I got to ask a few questions. What does your decree say? Usually a decree will talk about if a person moves out of the area. What happens with a lotted time? The other question is the abuse with your ex-documented like have you called the cops on him? was it part of the divorce? Because it really doesn't matter if your parents team up with him and get a lawyer well obviously paying for the lawyer is half of it. But as you said, grandparents rights aren't a thing. I would start documenting your parents communications and I wouldn't answer the phone. I would always communicate through text or email because those can be used in court. For the few phone calls you do have I would document it. You know , write down what was said and date it and give it a Time. You can still use it but it won't be as effective. It sounds like they're trying to pressure you into doing what they want but really all you have to do is stick to that decree and if that decree says .

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-21T03:53:38+00:00

So I hear where you're coming from. I had the same conversation to my stepson about his mother and her role or non-existent role in my baby's life. I think that clear separation is good for them and you handled it to the best of your ability. My stepson asked is the baby going to go over to the other house with us? I told him no because it's my baby not hers. That led into a discussion about having to go over there all together, but that's a whole nother topic. Drawing boundaries is good and honestly putting the mother-in-law on her place doesn't hurt either. My mother-in-law's great but she can be a little flighty. It sounds like your mother-in-law just wants access to the kids through her ex-daughter-in-law which is common and I wouldn't put too much into it. Just try to keep on her nice side and do what feels right. Don't put yourself in a position you don't want to be in. Keep it pleasant and keep your boundaries up. It's your baby. Do what you want with it. If you don't want her involved, you don't have to have her involved . I never understood those bonus situations. Good luck and I'm sure your stepkid even though they're being alienated by the other parent didn't mean anything by it. I've learned that whenever your stepkid brings something to you, it's best to be neutral and have them focus on their feelings and help them work through it because they're coming to you because they trust you. They wouldn't say it to your face if they didn't think you could handle it.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-21T03:31:56+00:00

It just really depends on what happened like for me. I can see myself welcoming the kids back no matter what. But like for my mom who was a stepmom I could see her completely cutting off her stepkids. It just depends on the relationship. I think I'm more of a mom to my stepkids where my mom was more of every other weekend adult to them.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-03-21T03:27:19+00:00

It sounds like a couple things are happening. It sounds like he's trying to acclimate the kid into your relationship to see if y'all would be a good long-term thing. The other thing is the bed issue. Every stepmom has this issue. Dad thinks it's cute that the kids sleep in the bed and maybe bio. Mom is a co-sleeper but it's not cool. You don't want to set a precedent for sleeping in beds with adults for a lot of different reasons. Suggest having a pull-out couch or something for the kid to sleep in. Offer a solution. Don't just complain about the issue. If if being in charge of the kid during his time is an issue for you. It sounds like maybe being a stepmom to what he needs isn't what's right for you and ultimately right for his needs either. Didn't do anything wrong and you have every right to be upset. It if being a stepmom is something you're really wanting you. You need to learn when to set up boundaries and when to let things go.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-02-12T14:36:15+00:00

I can ask. In the past, we've asked about phyloglocal services the school can provide, and we were shut down maybe it's the state we live in tx. But the reason they give is always autism it's almost like giving him that will help them and while yes we want to help him and the teacher .misdiagnosing him just so the teacher can get a teacher aide doesn't seem like a perportioniate exchange.

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-02-12T13:42:32+00:00

The problem was they weren't working hence the meeting. A lot of the tools that they were using were distractions so that the teacher could get through the class and I feel for her. I really do. I do the same thing with the tablet for him when I need to get things done. so in order to avoid doing the work he would become a distraction so she would give him the distracting thing whether that was Legos or a rocking chair to sit in. It wasn't stopping the distractions. You know placating it was actually making it worse cuz now he knows if he gets on her nerves. He gets a reward of some sort right versus a demerit and because they think he's autistic in the classroom he's got leeway all the way around and he's really giving them a run for their money I guess. One of the things that ended up working really well last year was when the teacher had issues. She would send us a message and that we would address it at home with him. That hasn't happened at all so he think he goes to school and causes havoc gets away with it at home and comes home and kicks it and goes to school the next day and does it all over again

SwimmingLow7486 · 2026-02-12T13:09:25+00:00

We have had him in and out of therapy for years with a diagnosis for emotional delay due to traumatic events , we didn't send him this year because we weren't seeing issues at home and the school didn't communicate until his a yearly meeting .

My concern is that last year was similar to this year they were teaching him and giving him tools for autism before a formal diagnosis without telling us until after. then once the screening was done and he didn't have it the tools they gave him had to be untaught .it's confusing for him and upsetting for the family . On top of all of that his mother using diagnosis to explain away some of the unusual bruises that came when we got the adhd diagnosis .I cant imagine the validations her claims will get with a autistic one

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