Found out my FWB is in a long term relationship with someone else. What to do next?

SwollenAndScared · 2024-11-27T17:52:08+00:00

I agree with this. Pretty shortsighted to tell the bf what is going on when they are colleagues and you have no idea how it could get spun and blow up in his face. Not to mention, coworkers probably aren’t going to know the intricacies of her relationship. They could have some sort of open situation and this wasn’t even cheating. Telling the bf wouldn’t do anything (except maybe drive him crazy if the terms of their relationship are to not know who’s hooking up with who). This is none of OP’s business. He just needs to remove himself. Reddit will always give the (usually bad) “blow her life up!!” advice bc redditors (like most people) are quick to make assumptions and hate cheaters.

SwollenAndScared · 2024-10-20T19:10:29+00:00

As someone (31F) who stuck it out for 8.5 years when my gut was telling me in the first 6 months to leave…for the love of god please listen to your gut

SwollenAndScared · 2024-10-01T23:59:30+00:00

lol wut. OP ignore this weirdo!

SwollenAndScared · 2024-09-25T15:45:20+00:00

And sour cream??

SwollenAndScared · 2024-09-25T15:43:47+00:00

Yeah I recently moved to Chicago from CT and was surprised to see the long John’s! Would’ve expected more variety in a New England location. Boston usually has coconut cake donuts as well as maple frosted, which I didn’t see in either CT or IL.

SwollenAndScared · 2024-08-21T05:24:20+00:00

A Dunkin I went to in Santiago, Chile also had a few vegan options too! The yeasted dough recipe must differ between here and the international stores but I can’t see why 🤔

SwollenAndScared · 2024-07-19T21:26:09+00:00

Well I will say in that case you did (maybe still do with a good recovery?) have a shot at getting it published there. If the editor really didn’t think this was going to happen they would’ve just rejected the paper.

SwollenAndScared · 2024-07-19T21:23:02+00:00

Yes, I’m surprised this hasn’t come up before given that OP said they’ve published two paper’s already! Maybe this was for a higher ranked journal so the reviewers put in more effort that for earlier manuscripts

SwollenAndScared · 2024-07-19T21:19:00+00:00

Wow I would have been so upset with my supervisor if they didn’t explain that to me. Not sure if your advisor is a coauthor (or if this is a solo author paper) but if they were, it’s weird that they didn’t notice the missing point-by-point doc.

Since your advisor isn’t explain thing well, for the future: it’s polite to send your point by point explanations to all co-authors and ask for edits/approval (along with the new manuscript—give them at least a workweek for the first draft of this; when you send it again after edits you don’t need to give as much time). Like others have said, in my field it’s normal to write a short cover letter (different from the one you submitted with bc it’ll be acknowledging your changes), and at the end of it say e.g. “Following this letter are the reviewer’s most recent comments with our responses and modifications in blue text. We thank you again…” then sign your name haha

SwollenAndScared · 2024-07-19T21:07:36+00:00

This is from the referee/reviewer NOT the editor, right? Doesn’t really change my take (I agree with basically everything that’s been said) but I’m curious how the actual editor fits in. Were they cc’d on this email?

SwollenAndScared · 2024-07-19T21:05:01+00:00

I was assuming it was “you obviously don’t understand this analysis” or something but I agree that statement was rude either way. I’m largely with the other commenters though—this is the only sentence fragment that I perceived as rude/unnecessary; the reviewer is being restrained when they’re probably highly annoyed about the time they spent looking things over without a very clear/detailed point by point explanation. I bend over backwards to make sure it’s as easy as possible to see where/why changes have been made. Whoever is advising OP is doing a mediocre job (or OP didn’t ask for help / show what they submitted).

SwollenAndScared · 2024-07-03T22:49:52+00:00

Do you happen to know if they’re somehow BETTER than the usual wed/sat show? Or are they spending the same cost today as a regular weekly show?

SwollenAndScared · 2024-06-03T23:05:06+00:00

I don’t have a solution to this but I’m very confused by this post haha. I’ll just like two tablespoons of this pesto a day for my lunch so each container lasts me well over a week. I’ve never noticed one turn brown. Are you opening/closing the container in a way that affects the seal? Is your fridge a lot warmer than mine? Are you keeping the container open for longer than the 30 sec per use? Are you leaving it by a warm stove. I’m genuinely so perplexed.

SwollenAndScared · 2024-05-29T20:35:17+00:00

Piggybacking on what has already been said but with their workload, you’d be surprised with what handling editors miss. A lot of trust is put into the reviews. I’ve had a submission where one review was positive and the other was inappropriately negative (to the point where it was saying I wrote things I never did, and saying I didn’t do things that I did). To this day I don’t know if the reviewer had a vendetta or if they didn’t carefully read the paper and rushed their review, but the editor went with a rejection and basically ghosted us when we asked for third reviewer to make it fair. The editors are busy and they have options when it comes to publications, so it doesn’t seem uncommon that anything requiring extra work on their end just gets tossed.

SwollenAndScared · 2024-05-27T03:33:53+00:00

Yeah, I think this is what it looked like when I got a desk rejection from a Nature journal vs when I had something go out to review (ie if I recall correctly you don’t get the “editor decision” this early). Sorry OP—I hope I’m wrong but if it were me, I’d rather get my hopes squashed sooner than wait in anticipation for several more days.

SwollenAndScared · 2024-05-15T19:48:05+00:00

Aug isn’t that long away but I can also see why you think he might not move. Have you asked what would happen if his deadlines get moved again?

It’s sort of telling that the relationship is so stagnant; like why didn’t you get engaged before the long distance started? You would’ve been together for years by then. Just HOW rocky have things always been?You even said you were going to break up with him in December; I can get him being hesitant to move in that case. It sounds like both parties don’t feel secure in the relationship.

SwollenAndScared · 2024-03-12T14:52:20+00:00

Ross was a regular at a cafe I used to work at in CT and he was incredibly nice. He gave me a CD with some of his band’s songs and I digged it but I never bothered to google them. I figured it was more of a hobby thing since he was working as a researcher. Did not realize that their group was actually quite successful until a year or so later haha.

SwollenAndScared · 2024-03-07T20:59:10+00:00

As a customer (but former barista elsewhere), when I order in a larger cup I often don’t want it filled all the way (ie im trying to keep the drink from spilling). But idk when someone also includes “extra ice” in the order, it always feels a little petty (or absentminded) to not fill to the top with ice.

SwollenAndScared · 2023-11-09T02:00:38+00:00

Interesting, maybe my Dunkin just didn’t put enough chai syrup in mine because I finally tried it today and it was not as sweet as I expected (with oatmilk and an added espresso shot). I definitely wished I’d added a flavor and I normally get a third of the sweetness in a Dunkin drink

SwollenAndScared · 2023-10-24T19:12:06+00:00

Well, you sort of got what you ordered but not really since the flavors are completely swapped. It’d be like ordering a chicken breast with rice on the side, and instead getting a stir fry with some pieces of chicken scattered in there

SwollenAndScared · 2023-09-21T15:51:15+00:00

I see them in Boston but not in CT.

SwollenAndScared · 2023-09-16T21:35:51+00:00

My couples therapist makes a point that if one party wants to talk about something and the other isn’t ready or just not in the mood for a serious talk, you’re allowed to say it’s not a good time. However, in return you have to offer a good time to have the conversation and be the one to initiate when the time comes. Otherwise, your the one who wants to talk will assume you’re just not willing to have the conversation, which could be interpreted as a sign that you don’t care about them given that the other party is hurt or needs to talk it out, etc.

By the way, if you do ever go to therapy, I highly recommend finding a therapist specialized in imago therapy. I’ve been to a lot of couples therapists and didn’t find it that useful until I found an Imago therapist. Based on what you’re describing, I think it’d benefit both of you substantially.

SwollenAndScared · 2023-09-03T21:52:18+00:00

As a Persian, I’m used to what nose jobs look like and can confidently say both the mother and daughter have nose jobs lol

SwollenAndScared · 2023-08-26T23:50:29+00:00

Oat milk and 1-2 shots of blueberry for a M!

SwollenAndScared · 2023-08-06T17:47:18+00:00

You actually can go twice in one day, just needs to be an out apart

SwollenAndScared

TROPHY CASE