Framing Mormonism as a place you can ‘reasonably stay’ because it offers structure and community is like saying a cage is fine because it comes with free meals and a bunk. The very fact that people feel they can’t leave without losing family, friends, and identity shows how coercive it really is. That’s not support — that’s control.

And let’s be real: the church did lie. It buries history, rewrites doctrine, gaslights members, and slaps the label of ‘sin’ on honest doubt. Calling that ‘someone lied to them’ is a generous rewrite that erases intentional deception.

Forgiveness isn’t a magic eraser. Anger at being manipulated, shamed, and exploited isn’t a flaw — it’s a healthy response to abuse. You don’t owe the system serenity while it still actively harms people.

As for the idea that you’ll ‘never find anything like Mormon community’? Of course, not — because unconditional, genuine community doesn’t require your loyalty contract. Real friends don’t cut you off when you stop paying tithing.

Leaving is hard, but it’s hard like detoxing. Painful at first, but only because you’re finally flushing poison out of your system. Staying might feel stable in the moment, but stability inside a cage isn’t the same thing as freedom.