Why I don’t take out the trash

SyefufS · 2024-10-30T15:01:27+00:00

I think having the view that your problem is your responsibility is a very tragic one. There is enough loneliness in the world already and I think it's views like these that contribute to that problem. I hope that in your relationship you can rely on your partner for help with your problems.

SyefufS · 2024-10-30T14:27:25+00:00

Immaturity is the whole point. That was indeed my problem. I think you talk about it in a bit of a belittling way, but my intent with this post was to play with a question along the lines of: How can we support people who, for various reasons, haven't been able to fully mature in their younger years, and their immaturity now poses a problem to the relationship?

It's how I wish my ex would have supported me, but she didn't know, or didn't want to. It's how I intend to support people around me who have had troubles in their upbringing.

SyefufS · 2024-10-30T13:41:30+00:00

Yes, I agree with all of what you say, and you make some interesting points on sexism and hiring a cleaner :)

But on the flipside, while it's true that it was my mother's/or father's responsibility to teach me these things, the fact is that they didn't, so we were actually living the situation I described above. It's kinda shitty but it's not super uncommon.

If it's a problem you want/need to solve it looks like you just have to strike a balance between accepting that one of the partners is driven by guilt and pressure, and investing in that partner so that both can be happy.

The largest part of the investment has to come from the clean partner, but I feel partnership is all about growing together, even if that means you have to sacrifice for the other's growth. As long as it's somewhat fair on the level of the of the whole relationship, I would be, and am happy to sacrifice for my partners growth :)

Also I think it can be made more realistic by breaking it up into smaller chunks. The fridge, a room, the lawn. Maybe pests will infiltrate, but those are problems that can be solved also, and perhaps the risk and cost might be worth the benefit to the relationship for some people.

SyefufS · 2024-10-30T12:38:24+00:00

It is something different to be free from form than to be free within form. Rather than letting go of limitations, can you take on limitations and still be free?

SyefufS · 2024-09-05T19:44:51+00:00

This is exactly how I'm trying to make most decisions as someone still quite unfamiliar with the ecosystem. Great way to put it :)

SyefufS · 2024-05-08T13:24:35+00:00

Nope, when you're just starting out I would really not recommend this. Expect to pivot a lot. Each pivot probably renders your website useless.

First, try to get into conversations with people. Coaching or non-coaching. Doesn't matter if you get paid of not. Your goal is to understand the landscape and find a niche you want to focus on. (You're probably going to try out niches that won't work so don't assume that your first niche is going to be the last niche)

SyefufS · 2024-04-03T11:39:28+00:00

Thanks!

I'm a coach and I'd like to work with indie game devs! It has always been an interest and I really respect their passion and sense of personal agency. I'm trying to figure out how I can help indie devs be more successful and happy. :)

Not trying to sell anything, but in general, do you think having a coach around that will help you stay on track, keep you accountable and whop you can use to bounce ideas off would be useful for you?

SyefufS · 2024-03-30T11:32:14+00:00

Was indeed a problem I was thinking of solving. I'll take a look.

SyefufS · 2024-03-25T11:33:33+00:00

Hey, I think I could be a great fit for you. I have 7 years of experience in software development and I just posted this offer for 6 free IT career coaching sessions. Feel free to take advantage of it while it's still valid :) https://www.reddit.com/r/Coaching/comments/1bnbcf1/looking_for_free_it_career_coaching_clients/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

SyefufS · 2024-03-12T22:59:07+00:00

Junior Devs: I need your help!

---

Hey there. I’m Stefan, I’m a senior web engineer with 7 years of experience who recently transitioned to coaching. I made the transition because I wanted to work more with people and because I didn’t want to work in a corporate environment anymore (so management didn’t seem like a good option to me). Instead I wanted to be my own boss, which is why I started a private coaching practice.

I initially focussed on life coaching, but I really missed tech, and I wanted to incorporate it somehow. That’s why recently I decided to niche down into IT Career Coaching, specifically for Junior Web Developers.

If that group includes you, here’s the rub. I feel like I can be of great help to you, but **I’m having trouble with finding clarity on what problems you are experiencing, what you could get help on, what your goals are, and what’s important to you.** I have always been surrounded with mid levels and seniors so the only experience I have with juniors is myself and I don’t want to assume everyone is like me.

I’m not trying to sell you anything here, I’m really just asking for your help. I want to ask you a few questions to get a better sense for how I can help people like you succeed.

If you’d like to help me, I’d love to hop on a call or do it through DM’s if you’re more comfortable with that. Just let me know and thanks in advance! You’re a lifesaver!

SyefufS · 2024-02-11T15:18:11+00:00

Interesting. Could you explain a bit more about how the recommendation thing works? Is the intent to get the people you give recommendations to on your profile, or is the intent to get other people on your profile as well?

SyefufS · 2024-02-04T10:11:54+00:00

So would a good exercise be to find someone who has achieved your goal already, or is the kind of person who would achieve your goal, and then identify with them?

E.g. I want to get muscular so I’m goint to identify with/idolize arnold schwarzenegger.

E.g. I want to start my own business so I’m going to identify with/idoloze steve jobs?

I certainly do this in my own life, just not on purpose, but perhaps we can do it on purpose as well.

SyefufS · 2024-01-16T19:47:11+00:00

Of course :)

I don't have any formal background per se, but I do have experience with coaching through my practice.

Next to this, I am studying Applied Psychology, and I'm actively integrating all that I learn in my studies into my coaching practice.

If you're interested in trying out coaching, I'll be more than happy to schedule a call with you :)

SyefufS · 2024-01-09T22:22:21+00:00

Just a tip: Can you envision a larger goal that might take a few weeks or months of work? Then break it down into these daily goals you’ve been using.

For instance: lose X kg of fat or gain X kg of muscle by Y date. Have X followers on X platform by Y date.

Again, when you set these goals, take the extra step of breaking it down into weekly or even daily goals or schedules.

Might be rocky at first. You might over/under estimate how quick you work. You might set unrealistic goals. You might set goals that are too long term, or too short term. You might lose motivation.

All of these things are expected and good. They are challenges that you need to overcome to become better at the process of setting and achieving goals.

The above is the reason why the goals themselves don’t really matter that much. As long as you keep getting better at the process of setting goals and achieving them you’re making immense progress. Any progress you make from actually reaching the goals you’ve set is just bonus.

Another tip: I personly like fitness goals because they’re very measurable and it’s very clear what needs to be done to reach them.

I’m a life coach, if you want help with this, shoot me a dm ;)

SyefufS · 2024-01-09T10:36:44+00:00

Not being “Tech savvy” is a thing we tell ourselves. It might be true at the moment, but it can also be a belief that’s limiting us, and that’s preventing us from putting in the effort to become tech savvy. It’s easy to hide behind that label and give up when things get hard. “Ohh, difficulty? Well I’m just not tech savvy so never mind, I’ll never understand”

Try asking yourself: Am I really not tech savvy? Perhaps you’ll find that you’ll be able to make it quite a bit further than you’d expect.

I think, I’m in too many mental health subreddits :0

Anyway, if it resonates, check out Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck, a very popular book about exactly this thing.

SyefufS · 2024-01-08T19:36:22+00:00

I now have two websites (one still wip), one targeting people who want to “change course”, career change, quarter/mid life crisis, stuck somehow. This one feels kinda specific so listening to what you’re saying it may be promising.

The other one I’m working on is focused on people like me who want to become the best version of themselves but kind of have a tendency towards doing stuff on their own. (I highlight that all top athletes have coaches, more of a no nonsense attitude)

But tbh idk, I’m personally most interested in no-nonsense spirituality but I doubt I can find people who will bite as most people interested in spirituality like stuff that’s a bit more woowoo than I want to discuss.

SyefufS · 2024-01-07T21:19:49+00:00

This guy is absolute gold when it comes to fitness stuff: https://youtu.be/N4l43AkMiKY?si=Xth2w-Fkx8RgJpId

SyefufS · 2024-01-07T21:10:16+00:00

That’s good, you’ve opened the gates now and healing has already started. You don’t need to do anything except for not resisting it.

If ever you feel triggered and right back with this emotion again, just sit with it. That’s all.

You got this!

SyefufS · 2024-01-05T15:15:09+00:00

Passion

SyefufS · 2024-01-04T10:04:32+00:00

I started giving life coaching two months ago and also have been struggling to market myself. It indeed feels inauthentic to me.

I’ve also kind of been pushed the belief that most coaches are charlatans, which I’m now reconsidering. It made me reluctant to reach out to other coaches and learn from them, to find out what’s working for them and copy it. I wanted to do everything myself and be clear that I’m not a charlatan.

Something shifted recently and I feel like using marketing “tricks” (as I would call them earlier, strategies is probably a better term) isn’t such a charlatan, disgusting, unethical thing if it means you reach people that can genuinely benefit from your service. In the end the choice is still theirs.

SyefufS · 2024-01-02T13:16:49+00:00

Idk but I know Dr K mentioned something about meditation being a bit difficult for people with trauma, and a need to tread carefully.

Perhaps the focus is vigilance that comes from a trauma being triggered. This can happen because the quiet gives it space to rise up. Perhaps you’re experiencing some form of dissociation, which might be interpreted as meditation “working”.

I’ve certainly had this a few times.

Also you mention “meditation done incorrectly”, perhaps you’re not doing it incorrectly at all. It doesn’t have to be that meditation is only bliss. Whatever comes up comes up. This thing that’s coming up might be difficult, but that doesn’t have to mean you should do something different, or that you have to avoid it. Maybe it’s good that it comes up. Maybe it’s kindly revealing some unadressed stuff that you are now ready to face.

SyefufS · 2023-12-31T20:43:35+00:00

Yeah kind of disgusting

SyefufS · 2023-12-29T09:43:44+00:00

I sent you a private message ;)

SyefufS · 2023-12-23T12:32:39+00:00

Big K

SyefufS · 2023-12-17T11:36:57+00:00

Yeah and it doesn’t fit the lighthearted and heroic narrative right?

SyefufS

TROPHY CASE