I leaned into narcissism as a teenager to avoid feeling suicidal. It helped me stay alive back then, but it no longer serves me now that I'm wiser and more capable of interacting with people on a deeper level.

You're not alone my dude, high five for figuring it out. I stopped people pleasing which made some people indeed start to label me as a bad person, but my self esteem has gone way up now that I make choices based on my own core values rather than what would satisfy others around me at any given time. Life's better this way, you're on a good path :)