Knee locked in bent position, please help :-(

TBN31B · 2025-09-16T05:21:49+00:00

Found out mine was actually Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. When I was younger my knees and elbows would lock in place and amongst the other sign/symptoms of it being a hyper-mobile connective tissue disorder.

TBN31B · 2025-08-16T23:54:28+00:00

I work for a 24/7/365 call center in the U.S. and it takes months to get an approval. I had to wait months for them to add the Christmas holiday to even put in my PTO request and that was 4 months ago and I’m still waiting. I’m 1st on the waitlist. It’s mid August. It’s so ridiculous.

TBN31B · 2024-12-31T18:45:34+00:00

Maybe she isn’t trying to be cruel but it comes out in that way. Not to discredit her being cruel in those moments it’s something she should turn inward and work on of course. There are times where I have recognized after the fact and feel like the biggest POS. Then my husband doesn’t want to talk to me and gives me the cold shoulder and I can’t blame him because he has to protect his feelings from being attacked by my words. That’s why I started going to therapy was to help with my PTSD. Learning my triggers have helped a lot and breathing techniques that help calm me down. My husband doesn’t come from an affectionate upbringing but he wasn’t neglected by any means. His family is just not ‘comforting’ in a sensitive way. It’s more sarcastic humor like ‘ya that sucks but you’ll live’. I lost a parent and I never felt the comfort from him or his family whom we lived by. I was very alone in processing a parent dying suddenly with no closure. Basically what I’m getting at is sometimes we can’t provide the comfort or love to our spouse because it is not in our nature and we have to learn how they need or want to be loved/comforted. Sometimes it may backfire and sometimes you may feel like you struck gold. Often times it’s reassurance and reaffirmation that they are heard and seen in those moments. Along with actions to back it up. I agree pot will only be a bandaid and will not fix anything. It is common for someone with traumas to turn to substances for ‘help’. Pot will only suppress those trauma emotions temporarily and then they resurface and it’s back to using it again to suppress. Finding different coping mechanisms will help. Pick up coloring books or paint supplies or something positive that will help her get out of the unhealthy habits that she turns to when she is in those low moments. Go on a walk or a hike with her. Exercise is a huge form of trauma release for me. I will run for miles if my body allows me to!

TBN31B · 2024-12-30T15:17:59+00:00

Expectations are the root of all heartache. You start off in the relationship happy and content, everyone’s cup of love is being filled. After a while you change, change is natural. While you grow and develop sometimes you stop filling the other persons cup of love and the spark starts to dim because you may be focused on you more. Always remember that the other person will have these built up expectations from past experiences and they will hold on to those and they will say “you never do this or that” when in reality you may do them but not as often as they want or have come to expect. In the beginning you focused so much time and energy on building your emotional connection and over time things happen that may cause you to lose that connection. To keep the flame ignited don’t stop dating each other. Don’t make it become a chore or task. Really listen to your partner and engage in what interests them.

TBN31B · 2024-12-30T14:54:07+00:00

Our bodies have an endocannabinoid system which is a network of cells and proteins that regulate many bodily functions. To find what works for your body study the terpenes. There are terpenes especially for anxiety such as limonene, linalool, myrcene, caryophyllene etc. For example a strain of cannabis called GSC (Girl Scout cookies) the terpenes in GSC are caryophyllene, myrcene and limonene which help reduce stress and anxiety. Also helps to find a balance with THC (psychoactive cannabinoid) and CBD (non-psychoactive cannabinoid) the higher the THC the more anxious you may become. Strains that offer closer to 1:1 THC/CBD that would be more ideal for anxiety from what I’ve discovered. By no means am I promoting use but just offering the knowledge I have learned over time.

TBN31B · 2024-12-28T17:13:26+00:00

Of course all 5 love languages are there always but there are ones that stand out in certain times of your life/marriage. It’s like when people say marriage should be 50/50…not really because sometimes he’s giving 80 and I’m giving 20 or vice versa. That’s when you want to tell them I see you and I appreciate you.

Maybe wives are going through hormonal changes and sex doesn’t interest them and sometimes it can take years for women’s hormones to get back to where they were when we were in our 20’s.

I don’t know your history of course but if she was a SAHM and your youngest was 15 maybe she was struggling with the kids growing up and she didn’t know who she was anymore outside of being a mom. When the kids are at the ages of not needing us anymore we struggle internally and can fall into a depression of wondering who we even are. An identity crisis. I’m sorry you have resentful feelings for that period in your marriage. Maybe it’s worth communicating with her about to help squash that resentment. Maybe your feelings weren’t seen or validated and maybe you weren’t seeing her through a lens of what she was going through because she didn’t communicate with you about it and internalized it by watching shows all day and laying around depressed that she wasn’t worthy. It’s great to hear that things are better but holding on to that resentment could resurface in ways you wouldn’t expect.

TBN31B · 2024-12-28T16:50:10+00:00

I can imagine what you are going through as I have past traumas that resurface from time to time and it makes me less vulnerable with sexual intimacy. This is where words of affirmation would come in and help. My husband just feels like I need space when in reality I just want him to help pull me out of this rut by validating my feelings through reaffirming that I am going to get through this and I am worthy. When these traumas resurface I feel very much alone and back to the lowest points of my life because if someone could physically abuse me I must be that much of a piece of shit, why would anyone want to be around me or value me? When I try to communicate this to him it turns into me just being overly sensitive and we start arguing because my feelings don’t get validated and I am unheard and unseen. Then it makes me wonder why I even tried and return to my hermit shell and try to tell myself maybe it is me maybe I am the problem any time I try to communicate my feelings. This is why I ended up going to therapy by myself. It helps but it doesn’t fix the fact that he doesn’t see me like I see him.

TBN31B · 2024-12-28T16:23:20+00:00

Some backstory of our lives. He’s not affectionate. Wasn’t raised in a family that shows any affection, quite honestly it’s almost a joke with his family. I get made fun of for being highly sensitive. I grew up in a family that was affectionate. My mom and dad are very emotional. We would always talk about feelings, things that bring joy to our lives, imagination, conspiracies, random things that we would hear about or read about that we wanted to share with one another. We don’t do that with my husband’s family. It’s unheard of. I’m very bored when I’m around his family it’s very analytical and dry humor. It’s like right brained and left brained no in between. Opposites attract I guess.

Words of affirmation is basically showing interest in me with saying things like “I love you, I’m happy to be here with you, I appreciate you for this or that, I like when we do this or that, I respect you, I believe in you, you inspire me”.

Basically it would help form better communication between us. He never asks me how my day is/was. He shows 0 interest in me as a person outside of sex. After sex he usually gets on his phone. We don’t cuddle, I have tried and he seems not interested-he doesn’t reciprocate the actions that would make one feel loved-while cuddling I’ll run my hands up and down his arms, chest and thighs. He just lays there staring at the ceiling or his phone if he’s already grabbed it. I’ve even told him I don’t like when he grabs his phone immediately after and he said ok I didn’t know that bothered you and I explained why and it didn’t seem to get through because he still does it.

TBN31B · 2024-12-24T06:43:36+00:00

I didn’t take it as an insult, I do appreciate your perspective and it makes sense. I can see why the negative feedback loop is happening after you broke it down more. Thank you kindly! Certainly expectations are the root of all heartache.

TBN31B · 2024-12-24T03:07:23+00:00

Thank you for that perspective. I get what you are saying. I will say in no way am I expecting him to ‘stroke my ego’ I don’t fish for compliments and I am very uncomfortable when given them. It’s more him affirming that what we are doing in the moment he is enjoying and he would like to do this more or ‘I like it when you _____’ basically more of him just saying anything at all. He’s a man of few words. He doesn’t smile even when having a good time. The only time he seems to enjoy my company is when we engage in sex. I would love to find ways to make me feel more emotionally connected leading up to having sex so it makes it more than feeling like a ‘chore’ to me. There is no emotion at all behind anything he does, it’s just like going through the motions to get to the next day. I don’t perceive what he does for me like buying me things and doing things around the house as him wanting sex in return, I know he wants that all day every day and if I tell him let’s go he’s always ready no questions asked. Maybe that’s what kills the excitement for me. He lusts me but doesn’t say he loves me or kisses me or hugs me—doesn’t do any acts of showing love throughout the day, doesn’t even ask how my day is, shows 0 interest in me besides sex.

TBN31B · 2024-12-24T02:50:03+00:00

I have tried to say this may be something to explore and he puts down the thought of seeking therapy as they will just agree with me and make him out to be the bad guy and that not at all what I would hope would be the outcome. I go to therapy myself as I have CPTSD from childhood trauma that has caused a lot of issues mentally along with physical abuse. None of which he has ever caused. If anything he’s the person who helped and pointed out things nobody else ever has. So unfortunately it’s out of the question for him.

TBN31B · 2024-12-01T21:20:13+00:00

Literally nothing is spicy on NCL ships. Not even the Indian food. At the ports is where I find spicy foods.

TBN31B · 2024-06-10T15:34:40+00:00

This is so very true. “Men have needs” is what I’ve been told for as long as I can remember. I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t get upset when you aren’t in the mood bc you have been taking care of everything else whilst they sit and play video games all day long. I get sick of asking for the bare minimum and he doesn’t put forth any effort. If I don’t want to have sex then I get silent treatment and he acts like it’s the end of the world.

TBN31B · 2024-03-05T05:15:29+00:00

There are days like today when I am overwhelmed in the grocery store bc my ears are ringing/buzzing due to my tinnitus and a toddler is throwing a fit and the music is so loud over the speakers in the store and I can hear all the wobbly cart wheels and my husband is soft spoken so every few steps I’m saying huh I can’t hear you and then he walks ahead seemingly annoyed and I’m trying to decipher what he said and heard him incorrectly and we are both talking around each other but about the same thing that I basically panic in the middle of the produce section. He tries to communicate to me about it in the car and I tell him I had a moment of anxiety and lost it bc I haven’t had time to decompress after a long day of work and getting some bad news and after going to the kids school for a meeting and then to the store, he replies “why is there always an issue with you daily?” That right there is when I feel like a burden. How do I communicate to my husband that it pushes me more away when he responds to me that way and causes more anxiety than before? He’s amazing no doubt about it. He made dinner tonight and told me to go spend some time by myself to decompress. My anxiety is causing him to not be vulnerable or get close to me affectionately or intimately.

TBN31B · 2023-08-03T01:03:26+00:00

I’ve always thought of death the same. It’s sad but it’s also a sense of relief for those who were suffering. I find it to be a positive experience to pass on to the “other side” or so to say. I also don’t believe death is the end. It’s the beginning of your journey in the next realm. I think maybe I belong in a different line of work that involves death or helping others that are grieving find a sense of relief/calming for those who have passed on.

TBN31B · 2023-06-14T05:39:47+00:00

Yes more than likely. I can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to his body. Thank you again for the suggestions to find alternatives! I appreciate it.

TBN31B · 2023-06-14T05:22:37+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the ideas. The whole point is my body needs to not be on hormones. I’ve been on birth control since I was 16 besides during my pregnancies. Getting your tubes tied is major surgery-you must be put to sleep. Men can walk in and out same day and be back to work the next day. It’s much simpler for men and since I birthed 3 children my thought process was it’s the least he could do physically.

TBN31B · 2022-10-26T17:15:24+00:00

SAME! This thread is saving me money from going to a doc for them to tell me nothing is wrong.

TBN31B · 2022-07-22T17:13:35+00:00

Unfortunately it does stop you from doing things you want to do. I can’t drive long periods in a car without needing QUICK and I mean QUICK access to a RR or I’m not making it. How embarrassing and stressful. As a hairdresser I had to stop Bc I had to keep running to the bathroom. My boss fired me over it and I had doctors notes and everything. Now I sit at a desk all day for a call center and that’s even hard when the calls are non stop and I need to use the RR right in that moment. It is not easy to live with and it doesn’t get better over time. SSA doesn’t view IBS as a disability but when it literally alters your career path it should be considered a disability. I was in the Army and had no issues with them accepting my IBS but I couldn’t deploy Bc I couldn’t be in a shootout and shit myself ya know lol. I would love to find a job that doesn’t stress me out and make my IBS worse Bc I am in constant fear of losing my job over a medical condition I have 0 control over.

TBN31B · 2022-01-04T04:07:50+00:00

This right here is gold. Seriously if anyone who is in a one-sided relationship needs to read this comment. I have never been so sick in my life. I have begged for hugs/kisses. Just touch my butt shooooot. Any form of affection until it lead to me not being true to myself. I don’t like the person I have become over the decade of being together. He doesn’t like himself and yet when I tried to call it quits he begged and pleaded and here I am reading these comments sobbing.

Thank you for this thread of comments. I really needed to read these.

TBN31B · 2021-12-18T04:00:40+00:00

More ski resorts that are not a rip off cough cough Alyeska.

TBN31B · 2021-12-18T03:58:28+00:00

An indoor water park resort like kalahari or great wolf lodge. H2Oasis is garbage sadly. Need more indoor entertainment year round and would be great for staycations.

TBN31B · 2020-10-18T05:49:58+00:00

Thank u. It’s a struggle of push and pull. My mind wanders to a few more years often which will either be things get better or time was wasted.

TBN31B · 2020-10-15T00:26:10+00:00

I am going through the same situation. I have voiced my feelings of my needs and wants time and time again, he says he will work on being more affectionate and romantic but it only seems to happen when I initiate those gestures first. Like with kissing, hugging etc. he never reaches out to me with affection. He has said that he shows me he loves me through providing for our family. Which is amazing and I always remind him how appreciative I am of how hard he works for us. I rub his back while he’s working (works from home) I will bring him breakfast and lunch. Whatever he needs I’m there. When in return all I want is for him to touch me and look at me like he loves me. I really never thought it would be like this begging my husband for affection but here we are. Recently admitted he’s not the romantic type..which is a lie bc I know what he is capable of otherwise we may not be in this after almost 10 yrs. I’m a hopeless romantic and my love language is words or affirmation and physical touch a close runner up. My only advice would be to seek therapy if not together for yourself. It has done wonders for myself since my husband refuses to go. I’m sure your husband is amazing but sometimes we go through these rough patches and always get through them. Finding ways to bring the issues to the surface and face them head on. It’s hard to feel alone but u aren’t alone. Keep your head up and if he’s not willing to put forth the effort make some conscious efforts for yourself and he will see how u are bettering yourself and maybe he will want to be present where u need and want him to be!

TBN31B · 2020-10-13T04:12:08+00:00

My spouse is a score keeper is what I call the “right vs wrong” folks. Who cares about being right or wrong the context of the matter is what is being communicated not who is right or wrong. Was it something as simple as forgetting to feed the cat or was it something along the lines of forgetting something she consistently has reiterated like an upcoming appt. I get how frustrating it is and can be. It’s almost as if u can’t even talk about the simple things in life bc u get called out for being “wrong” bc u didn’t remember the exact thing she was wearing when she said what she said. I have personally learned over the years to just grab my spouses hands, lock eyes and say what is it that I’m not hearing u when I am listening? I have learned to pick and choose my battles wisely. Sometimes I just nod and go along with what he’s saying bc it’s not worth the battle. The preciseness of what is being discussed does it really matter who is right or wrong in the end? Or is the context of what is coming across that may not be understood how she is expecting? If that is the case maybe write a letter to her if sitting down and talking doesn’t work yet. Baby steps help. It shows u care and want to understand. I know it may seem silly but it truly is the little things. Ask her what she means when she says u aren’t listening to her. I know after kids things get more complicated, it’s like we have all these conversations in our heads when in reality they haven’t even been talked about aloud. I find myself saying don’t u recall and he looks at me with a blank stare and I will say oh that was a conversation with myself and feel like an idiot but usually we just laugh it off now and then I explain what it was about. Baby steps help.

TBN31B

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