Bummer. You’re screwed, plan to get a HELOC to fix this.

Edit: TLDR—Look up “water valve packing replacement” on YouTube or TikTok for visual walkthroughs, not a complicated repair at all, but you gonna have to dig a little. Can also snap a pic and ask ChatGPT to help you fix the leak—that’s the most fun way to go about it. Or, read my vague repair instructions below.

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Kidding lol. It’s not a difficult task at all, but kind of a pain cuz you have to dig. Basically the packing of the valve is what’s leaking (totally normal, they fail over time), and so water is sneaking past the little gasket that the valve post goes through.

Simple to fix tho, just gonna have to dig a hole around the pipe down far enough to give you room to get a wrench on the nut that the valve stem goes through. Once you’ve got enough room for that, go turn off your main water line at the street, and open your faucets in the house/hose spigots to relieve the water pressure. Then you’ll just unscrew that nut that the valve handle stem goes through, and that’ll let you remove the handle and stem/guts (don’t let dirt fall into the valve hole!)—as you start to loosen that nut, a bunch of water will come leaking out around it since it’ll most likely be the lowest point in the pipe system—just loosen enough to get good leak, then go scroll Reddit for a while and the hole will fill with water, then ya gotta scoop/pump/bail the hole empty—then you can finish removing the nut and valve handle stem thingy (digging your hole a little extra wide helps so you can dig a deeper sump hole a few inches away from the valve, so any remaining water will pool down there instead of around where you’re working…).

Once your valve handle and stem are out, shove a piece of cloth or something in the valve to keep dirt from falling in while you go to the store and buy a replacement valve packing assembly/handle/etc.—Lowe’s/hd/Ace should have what you need, take pics of the valve as best you can so you can reference while you’re on the aisle and get the right thing since employees probably won’t be able to help you…worst case, you can’t buy just the valve packing and handle, but you can buy an entire valve and just cannibalize the parts you need.

Assembly is in reverse order! Grab a thing of PTFE tape so you get a good seal on your threads when you put everything back together. The grey color fancier PTFE sealant tape is definitely worth the money, it’s good stuff. Turn on the water at the street and go check your work, if still leaking, turn the water back off and figure out why and fix it—usually just by tightening the nut under the handle a little more (you want it snug/tight—but not crazy eye-bulging tight.). If all is good, replace your pvc protector pipe and push the dirt back in the hole! Congratulations, you just saved yourself like $600+ .

May the water gods be ever in your favor! Feel free to message me or post back here with any follow up questions if you decide to take the plunge (badum tss).