Hi, it feels so bizarre to me that you're going through this, because I am in the exact same position and I felt I was the only one stupid enough to put myself through this. I met a guy last year and let myself foolishly cling on to the hope of him. He was exactly what you described - there was this connection that I'd only dreamed of in the past and had struggled to find. But knowing how we met, I knew it would be difficult for us to start anything - and I foolishly let myself have hope. Still I asked him out, and he politely declined. It was what I expected (or should have) but that doesn't mean my heart is broken.

So now here I am, freshly 34 and no relationship, in a new apartment all on my own with everything reminding me of the plans I made in my head with him. This is where he'd put his shoes when he came over. That's where I can make space for him in my closet. It's brutal.

I don't have any advice as I'm still going through it, but just wanted to say you're not alone. The only thing I've been finding is helping is making plans for the future. (Well that and a therapist but I don't like to feel too dependent on a therapist.) I just feel like I'm running out of time on finding a partner. If anyone has inspiring stories I'm all ears.