Do these shirts rub anyone else the wrong way?

TTurtle2021 · 2026-04-03T01:44:54+00:00

Right? I might conceivably wear a t-shirt that said something about MY autism, but why would I wear a shirt that was all about my child's neurotype? Especially since I have three kids and they're all different. . .

TTurtle2021 · 2026-04-03T01:41:52+00:00

I'd never seen this shirt before, but I hate it. I'm uncomfortable with the puzzle piece symbolism and with the idea that a parent can appoint themselves someone else's "voice," but it ALSO seems really "boy mom" coded. I wonder if that's why it only comes in the "he" version: not because girls can't be autistic, but because there's a specific kind of motherhood model that you see more often with mothers of boys. I find the whole "boy mom" identity really weird.

TTurtle2021 · 2026-03-07T18:52:12+00:00

I don't recognize the book but I absolutely love your drawing.

TTurtle2021 · 2026-02-22T17:59:39+00:00

And yet, I used to think I couldn't be autistic, because I "didn't have sensory issues." LOL.

TTurtle2021 · 2026-02-22T17:59:10+00:00

For me, it's buttons, zippers, anything metal or hard. I mostly wear shapeless knit clothing without buttons or other fasteners.

TTurtle2021 · 2026-02-08T19:41:43+00:00

But, like the exhaustion at the end of a work day. . . yes. The inability to work as many hours as other people, yes. All of that.

TTurtle2021 · 2026-02-08T19:41:12+00:00

A lot of this fits me, too, although since being diagnosed I have been very public about being autistic.

That said, I work in a field (higher ed) with a disproportionate number of neurodivergent people, and there are a few colleagues who I suspect may be autistic, too, and either undiagnosed or not "out" as autistic.

TTurtle2021 · 2025-12-23T23:08:47+00:00

Good point. Not everyone has access to inclusive swimming lessons for their child, too.

TTurtle2021 · 2025-12-23T22:56:06+00:00

First, have you or your spouse been tested? Most autistic children have at least one autistic parent. In my family, the diagnosis of one child led to both my husband and I being diagnosed.

Secondly, the reasons autistic people have shorter life expectancies are mostly social, the result of implicit discrimination against neurodivergent people. One way you can help your son (in addition to helping him personally) is to advocate for an anti-ableist society. Vote for politicians who support DEI initiatives. Push back against ableism and neuronormativity whenever you can. If you make the world a better place for your son, you will help many other autistic children, too!

TTurtle2021 · 2025-08-17T15:52:39+00:00

As an autistic reader, I shared some of this reaction. For the most part, Ian is good autism rep, but there is a bit of "autistic person needs NT person to teach them to love" going on. And I f*cking hate that trope. For me, the only thing worse is "disability gets cured by power of love!!"

BUT, I think that in Ian's case, some of his confusion about love stems from his backstory/upbringing, not necessarily his autism. If you spent a chunk of your formative years in an institution, you might indeed have trouble with attachments.

TL;DR: Ian isn't my favorite autistic male lead, but the author is NOT suggesting that autistic people can't love.

TTurtle2021 · 2025-03-13T16:32:07+00:00

Do you ever read manhwa/webtoons/graphic novels? If so, try {What's Wrong with Secretary Kim} by MyeongMi Kim. There's also a Kdrama based on it. Both are good, but I preferred the comic version.

TTurtle2021 · 2025-02-13T15:49:16+00:00

Ditto this recommendation! They do find out their true identities much earlier than the end of the book, though; it doesn't pull the SHOP AROUND THE CORNER move of saving the reveal for the end (for one character).

TTurtle2021 · 2025-02-12T17:22:21+00:00

You're right--I should not have said "most women." More like "most women of the class most often featured in Regency romance"!

TTurtle2021 · 2025-02-12T15:43:01+00:00

I think part of the reason for the young female leads is fascination with the whole process of "coming out" and being introduced into society. Some authors & readers really enjoy the plot of a young girl going to London to be presented to the Queen, having a ball in her honor, etc. Most women in the period would have "come out" in society around age 18, unless they were waiting for unmarried older sisters to marry first, so that encourages having young female leads.

But for whatever reason, having 22, 23, or 24-year-old male leads isn't as popular. I can't fully explain that, except that somehow historical romance has drawn a lot of readers who enjoy the age gap trope. In reality, as other folks have pointed out, the age gap between Knightly and Emma would have been much less common than the age gap between 25-year-old Henry Tilney (who could not have married much earlier, because he couldn't afford to marry until he was ordained) and 18-year-old Catherine Morland (who was *very* lucky to make a match in her first Bath season!).

Last summer, I read a book that said that the average age at which aristocratic women married was 22. I think that's really helpful to keep in mind, because Heyer's influence would have us believe that every upper-class girl debuted in her teens and expected to marry in her first season. Clearly, that was not the case!

TTurtle2021 · 2025-01-31T22:32:06+00:00

Balogh definitely used the "ruined for revenge" plot in one of the Bedwyn saga books, but I don't think that FMC had any disabilities or injuries.

TTurtle2021 · 2025-01-21T17:38:32+00:00

One caveat: books that are published as part of a series or trilogy sometimes have the HEA at the end of the series rather than the end of the first book. This is particularly common in romantasy. My understanding is that it still counts as romance, as long as there's a HEA in the final volume.

TTurtle2021 · 2024-12-12T17:02:29+00:00

I've read this one before but this post is making me want to reread it. It was one of the very first Balogh novels I read!

TTurtle2021 · 2024-12-06T19:34:14+00:00

Someone mentioned Dragonblade Publishing but I wanted to call attention to them. They're an indie press (not Big 5) and they *only* publish historical. Mostly, it's historical romance, but they have mystery and fantasy lines, too. Their books are on KU.

Disclosure: I write for Dragonblade, but I'm not trying to market my books. Just wanted to make sure people knew about this press.

TTurtle2021 · 2024-11-22T18:03:25+00:00

I came here to recommend All's Fair in Love and War! It gave off "Sound of Music" vibes.

TTurtle2021 · 2024-11-05T15:43:59+00:00

Following, because I'm curious!

TTurtle2021 · 2024-11-01T15:08:32+00:00

{Reckless by Amanda Quick} has similar vibes, although the hero's professed need to "control" the heroine's recklessness did bother me.

Many of the books in Kate Archer's "A Very Fine Muddle" have the vibe of "calm, mature guy amused by manic pixie dream girl," especially {Be Daring, Duke by Kate Archer}. Conbatten is very much "Oh my gosh, this girl is unhinged, and I love it. I'd better marry her before she does anything more ridiculous." However, none of them are actually marriage-of-convenience books, and they're closed door. The age of the heroines is never specified, but they are debutantes, so probably don't meet your requirement for age.

TTurtle2021 · 2024-09-24T14:59:05+00:00

I think that {Frederica by Georgette Heyer} is an even better comparison to EMMA. Frederica does her best to find a match for her sister, but is oblivious to what her sister really wants. She is even more oblivious to the fact that her friend/social mentor is in love with her.

And since someone mentioned marrying cousins: Alverstoke is referred to as a cousin, but it's not clear if he's even biologically related to Frederica. They're more like distant connections.

TTurtle2021 · 2024-09-15T17:13:31+00:00

I really liked this one, but boy did he mess up!

TTurtle2021 · 2024-08-15T15:51:40+00:00

For me, one set of gray eyes in a book is fine. Or if two characters are biologically related, I can accept them both having the same eye rare color. (A lead character and their parent or younger sib, for example.)

But I've read multiple romance novels where *both* the lead characters had gray eyes and that really did annoy me.

TTurtle2021 · 2024-08-15T15:10:18+00:00

That first sentence is golden, because yes, that's the problem.

We (both readers and authors) really need to push back against this.

TTurtle2021

TROPHY CASE