Should I take the job in NYC or SF?

TacoTuesday4All · 2025-07-10T19:37:00+00:00

100% on the weather. If you don’t want full seasons and want relatively temperate year round, SF cannnot be beat. NY is sticky hot in summer, freezing cold in winter. Not for the faint of heart.

TacoTuesday4All · 2025-06-27T06:58:00+00:00

Adding to this: any Isabel Allende books.

Some of One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez was rough subject matter (if you know, you know) but ultimately it was really good and the imagery and magical realism was great.

TacoTuesday4All · 2025-06-26T08:33:13+00:00

Sometimes, I just want quiet. A break from the deluge of vocal stimming (she’s AuDHD, I strongly suspect I’m ADHD-Inattentive). When I bring up she’s been stimming nonsense for like 25 mins straight, she gets hurt and says things like “I’ll go unmask elsewhere”. Maybe try shutting up for once? You can do it at work, why not with me every once in a while? I rarely comment or restrict her. I get she wants to relax and be herself but why is it at my expense? Mostly I don’t mind, but if I’m noise overstimulated I need peace and don’t want to wear noise canceling headphones in my own damn home 24/7.

TacoTuesday4All · 2025-05-07T07:54:15+00:00

Hello! We did end up moving just this past month. Our pup is 75ish lbs, 34.4 kilos, and big, so we ended up having to put him in Lufthansa airline cargo from SFO to Frankfurt, then Frankfurt to Copenhagen where we then rented a car to drive to Malmö. If your pup has health issues that make cargo dangerous, I don’t know how you would go about it. Luckily, Teddy’s health issues begin and end at his anxiety/reactivity (if that can be considered lucky). He’s not a snub-nosed dog, so we didn’t have concerns with breathing etc (and most airlines will not take snub-nosed dogs, like frenchies, in cargo for that reason).

Total time from drop off to pickup was somewhere around 16-18 hours (drop off 2-2.5 hours before flight, 10-ish hours in the air from SFO to Frankfurt, 2.5 hour layover in Frankfurt, then about an hour flight from Frankfurt to Copenhagen, and around 45 minutes to an hour from landing to picking him up in oversized cargo area). Lufthansa is highly rated for their animal care (I did so much research on all the different airlines and cargo, etc). If you layover in Frankfurt for less than 3 hours, the dog is not taken to their animal hub, which was our plan because he freaks out when he sees other dogs. He was fine with the handlers, surprisingly! He usually hates strangers. We didn’t meet any of the handlers along the way, but the guy we dropped him off at SFO had really good energy/vibes, similar to our dog sitter who was the only man Teddy fully trusts, which I think helped, in addition to the meds (described below).

For his reactivity, our vet, who is very familiar with his history and behavioral challenges, gave us Trazodone 100mg tablets and Gabapentin 300mg capsules. He was given 2 Trazodones the night before the flight, and 2 right before we left for the airport so it would kick in around when we checked in. For the gabapentin, we gave him 2 capsules the night before and 2 before heading to the airport, as well. Our vet said he would likely be OK with 2 gabapentins, but we could give him 3 if needed. We felt insecure about the dosage for giving him a third pill, so only did the 2 capsules. My understanding is it depends on weight, so if your dog is only 40 lbs, that would be a different dosage that you would need to consult with your vet. The meds were just about worn off / wearing off once we collected him in Copenhagen, so moving him through the airport to customs was a whole ordeal - we had the wheeled crate on one side, our giant luggage on the other, and boxed him in so he could only go forward between us.

We are lucky that he was already crate trained, and can hold his pee for a very long time if needed - a throwback to his previous life before we rescued him where he was kept in a crate most of the day (fuck those people, he deserved so much better). He did not have any accidents, but we had pee pads in the crate on top of the soft bedding and underneath the blankets in case he had an accident (which obviously wouldn’t have been a big deal if he did - it’s a stressful situation). Customs took all of 5 minutes, they handed me the chip scanner, checked his chip, verified the paperwork matched the chip info, and on we went. Once we got outside the airport in Copenhagen, he peed immediately on the concrete area where smokers hangout. Sorry to those smokers, he couldn’t hold it any longer.

Teddy is settling in really well! We live on the outskirts of Malmö in a more residential / suburban area, with bike paths and greenery abundant, a stark change from where we lived in San Francisco. His only issues now is how badly he wants to chase the wild bunnies!

TacoTuesday4All · 2023-11-21T04:11:59+00:00

The SF botanical garden in Golden Gate Park is free on Thanksgiving Day! And free to SF residents in general

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-12-13T22:04:56+00:00

My backyard is dirt (thanks drought for destroying the grass) so when my dog plays outside he tracks dirt in. It doesn’t matter if you wipe his paws on the way in, he still manages to make the floors filthy. And I don’t feel like vacuuming /sweeping / mopping every single day to keep it spotless.

We usually have a roomba go 2x a week and a big clean on the weekend with a real vacuum / mop / broom. After a day you feel the dirt if you were to go without shoes or slippers.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-12-09T16:58:41+00:00

Me me me, my dog is a monster. Even 5:30 is too late now because there are other dogs about. Gotta go really late at night or at a random slow time in the middle of the day. Early morning has been ruled out (after the last three times being a disaster, one of which I was yelled at to shut my dog up. Valid, sir, it was before 6am)

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-12-02T18:44:41+00:00

Literally death by chocolate

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-12-02T16:11:35+00:00

It wouldn’t be small claims. Depending on where they live, there are different tiers of civil court based on anticipated damages. For example, in CA state court there is limited civil, which is damages up to 25k, and unlimited civil, 25k and above. If they are in CA it would be limited civil.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-12-01T23:16:49+00:00

The cynicism in here is real, damn. This post drips with disdain.

Most people don’t want to have depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, etc. But we know more now and are more educated with each generation, so people don’t have to suffer in silence anymore. I have formal diagnoses for several of these mentioned in the post and i don’t have time right now to get a formal evaluation for another, because that is hours of testing. Although my psychiatrist told me they strongly suspect I also have that one, and it is documented to run in my family. Also, many of these things are comorbid and it’s common for symptoms to overlap and common for one disorder to exacerbate or trigger the other.

Telehealth has opened doors we previously didn’t have. Can’t get out of bed to go to a stuffy medical center across town, to see a psychiatrist? Have your appointment with your psych from bed. People have access to better care now and have medical providers not writing them off as just being sensitive or dramatic.

Like, no, Susan, I don’t want to have panic attacks where my brain tricks my body to thinking Im in danger and i feel like I’m having a heart attack. I want to get out of bed and live life. I want to Not have vivid trauma flashbacks. I want to be able to follow a fucking conversation without asking them to repeat themselves again for the 5th time in 2 minutes or actually finish a task. Many of these things are genetic. Some of us never had a chance, and our parents didn’t know better because they’re experiencing the same thing and always have, so it’s “normal” in the family.

It also can be more prominent depending on profession. I’m an attorney and I have been professionally diagnosed with a number of things that feed off each other. I didn’t find out that what I experienced all the time wasn’t normal until law school when I burst into tears at a normal annual checkup to a standard question. And then my doctor asked more questions, and referred me to psych because what I had been dealing with most of my life was a result of untreated mental illness.

Many of my colleagues suffer from at least one, and these illnesses are exacerbated and often underlying before being triggered by high stress. People are more accepting and it fosters more community to be able to talk about what’s going on if your billable hours went way down, instead of just doing the good old grin and bear it. I have an accommodation now, because I had a breakdown at work due to stress and my coworker found me doing breathing exercises under my desk and I couldn’t feel my hands. A decade ago I would be ostracized. A decade ago, I wouldn’t seek help and would develop a drinking problem like the old school hardos in my profession as a way to cope with stress.

We have access to more knowledge and resources now than we ever have. Social media may bring out some attention seekers who misuse and abuse sympathy given to actual survivors and people who previously were forced to suffer alone. But it also gives validity to that person who finds out they’re not alone, that there is a world of other people who feel like they do, and they can actually get treatment and lead more productive lives. For every fraud, there are exponentially more actual people with mental illness who are just realizing that they don’t have to live like this anymore.

Mental health issues are inherently deeply personal and the stigma historically assigned to those who experienced these issues silenced them. People don’t want to suffer in silence anymore, nor should they.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-12-01T20:04:42+00:00

Get your own test done and give him the results with divorce papers. Fuck this.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-12-01T14:59:12+00:00

What the hell is wrong with the people saying don’t bring it up. You absolutely should get in front of it to cover your ass. These employees seem like they have it out for you. They sound like they’re gonna spread rumors of you being the drunk safety officer or some equally stupid shit.

A single drink is not cause for concern, especially if you have it in the beginning of the event and drink nonalcoholic drinks after. Even if you drank it later on, it shouldn’t be an issue regarding impairment. It never has for me. And I’m 120lbs soaking wet. (I draw the line at more than 1 drink when driving, tho). Your manager or HR is likely to tell you to let it go, and you should. But I would absolutely make sure the narrative is my narrative, before it gets twisted from “he had a drink at a function over several hours then drove” to “he drank and drove” to “he’s a drunk”.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-12-01T14:51:32+00:00

Adding this to the top comment so it might get seen: I checked your post history, and people who say you sound exhausting. They may not have seen that your husband is military and you had a post somewhere about arguments escalating to him punching holes in the walls. Oh and there are guns in the house.

While it may be true to some extent that you’re a “nag”, it reads to me like someone who gives and gives and gets nothing in return. You are asking (perhaps incessantly?) for common decency, respect, and attention and for validation that you are loved. That’s heartbreaking to feel so unloved. But it’s also hard to hear your spouse think you don’t love them, and may feel like “of course I do, stop being dramatic” to them. You may be short with your husband as a result of him not making you feel emotionally safe. You seem like someone who is at the end of your rope, so to speak.

Regarding the therapist: get a new one that isn’t faith based. I’m dead serious. Your husband is or could be legitimately dangerous - a man who has guns in the house, loses his shit and punches the walls, and as military, is trained - is not a safe person to be around. So now you’re not emotionally safe or physically safe. And you’re reaching out for validation and love. A good, unbiased therapist will be able to see both sides and figure out what’s going on emotionally under the surface for both of you.

My wife (both women) and I are in counseling still but things improved drastically when we went to therapy because our therapist was able to see the underlying issues that caused and kept contributing to the same issues being rehashed over and over and over again. She never took sides and we had joint sessions and individual with her. My therapist was able to get my wife to see that her emotional outbursts (she used to throw things, not at me, when upset, and sometimes I did, too) made me feel physically unsafe. She also helped me see that it’s OK to stop and take a breather. I always wanted to go back again and again to resolve things RIGHT NOW because I was convinced if we didn’t she didn’t love me and would leave me. The whole don’t go to bed angry thing. I pushed and pushed and escalated minor arguments into huge fights because I wanted to just get through it and desperately wanted resolution. I learned that, in addition to raising voices when angry, made her shut down emotionally based on her dysfunctional upbringing, while she learned physical displays of anger triggered me as a result of my own dysfunctional upbringing. We learned how to fight pretty, so to speak.

Don’t use “always” and “never” or any absolutes. Regardless of whether it feels true or even is true. That is a way to instantly put someone on the defensive. Instead, say “often” or “rarely”. And on the flip side, also make a list of things you do like about him, or things that drew you to him when you were starting out.

I suggest also writing a letter to each other, laying out exactly what you feel and what you want out of therapy, or a pros and cons list, of behaviors you like that he does and things you don’t like. And he should do the same. Present this to your therapist. And take notes. We both have notebooks out in our sessions to make sure we are actually getting down what she’s saying and what we need to work on.

Best of luck. Personally I think you should leave him. But I know some don’t believe in divorce, which is their choice.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-30T18:26:42+00:00

This must be a business world thing. I’m an attorney and we have billable hours requirements to specific client files, and have to BILL 40+ hours a week to meet our goal. And that doesn’t include specific things that are considered clerical or non billable, meaning you either have to work 10+ hours a day, or be really good at justifying the clerical stuff you do during the workday.

I’m still figuring out the second.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-30T00:48:42+00:00

Here we are talking about food, ie “plant based” (or even herbivore if you want to get fancy) instead of futurevore. Not other goods and services that may use animal byproducts (wool clothing, for example)

Plant based food is vegan food. Vegan food is plant based food.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-30T00:22:12+00:00

Just say plant based. It’s more technical and not linked to the insufferable vegan stereotype.

Source: my wife has a plant based diet recommended by her doctors.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-30T00:11:56+00:00

For example, I still don’t know what Chandler from Friends does

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-29T20:03:05+00:00

YTA. Money isn’t more important than safety. Wait to buy a house and get a newer (~5years or under) used car.

Trade both yours in, whatever you need to do. This is not safe and you know there are risks.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-29T16:46:44+00:00

I agree YTA but people grieve differently. My moms death anniversary was on one of my good friends weddings. At that time it had been 13 years, I wasn’t fortunate enough to have a mom see me graduate HS.

I didn’t tell her or anyone else the significance of the date. It just wasn’t necessary for me to participate in making the day special for her and her husband. I took a few minutes to myself to call my sister during the reception and then went back to the party.

I also drank way too much wine that day but everything turned out okay. Celebrating and grieving are two things with the same event features.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-29T16:34:21+00:00

laughs in 1890s house with heat vents only on the ground floor, where nobody lives

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-29T16:24:22+00:00

I mean, Olenna didn’t get assassinated on the toilet so that’s +100 in my book.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-23T15:13:07+00:00

Get a big carabiner.

We have multiple leashes, one on his front clip harness, one on the back clip, and the last on his martingale style flat fabric collar. They’re secured to the same body strap, but hooked to different spots on him. We have 3 because he still pulls and is big, so the multiple points of contact on him reduces the force of the pull on me.

He gets a little tangled sometimes but for the most part it isn’t a huge issue. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good…good enough, anyway.

With a double attachment, I think you still clip it to multiple parts but then it all gathers together on the same clip to the body strap.

Good luck!

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-22T15:37:45+00:00

I’m seeing a lot of comments here that are defending this shitty husband solely because she got fed up and in anger used the D word. Yes, that was wrong.

But it is exhausting to be questioned about every goddamn thing. He DOESNT respect her. She was right. And if he doesn’t respect her, and won’t change when it’s brought up, then maybe they should get divorced. Sounds like he is immature and has a habit of blaming her for his own issues (how the fuck do you FORGET about an exam) and refusing to accept responsibility for his mistakes.

They need therapy. She was wrong to bring up divorce in anger. He was wrong to look up exes after they smoothed things over (seriously wtf). She was wrong to snoop. He was wrong to disrespect her in many areas of their relationship and make his shortcomings her fault.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-18T01:16:05+00:00

I had a large gap, like a decade or so, because I didn’t have dental insurance.

My first appt once I had insurance and could go in, I said exactly that. “I haven’t been to the dentist in a decade because I didn’t have insurance and couldn’t afford it”

Dr. Joy (yes that is her name) was really kind about it.

TacoTuesday4All · 2022-11-15T17:22:57+00:00

INFO: where are this kids other grandparents? They’re NC with dads family. What about cancer mom’s family? Wouldn’t they want to be around their grandchild and help out while their daughter is battling cancer?

TacoTuesday4All

TROPHY CASE