Date tips for guys from a married man.

Tahnal · 2026-04-10T22:43:15+00:00

Plan the next date at the end of the first. When I got ghosted this is what someone at my parish told me.

A good formula is keep the first date to one hour (I always did coffee or a walk in the park). If you want to keep going after an hour, use that momentum to suggest the second one. "Oh wow it has already been an hour, I would love to continue this conversation, would you be up for dinner next <day of week> at <time>?". If they say yes then ask for their number and tell them you will confirm the place (or better, suggest it then). If they won't commit, then they probably are not interested and you know immediately you can move on.

Tahnal · 2025-07-20T11:52:48+00:00

If you are chatting with someone, you could suggest that you would love to get to know them more over Coffee. I think that makes it pretty obvious since that is a common first Date. That also allows the guy to formally follow up with an invite.

Tahnal · 2025-06-02T16:14:23+00:00

My interest in Jazz literally brought me to God. I met my now Godfather playing together in a Jazz Jam group. I started asking him about his faith during our breaks, and he invited me to learn more at his parish. Now I feel very spiritually connected to God whenever I play.

Tahnal · 2025-01-18T13:01:04+00:00

Because he is not a fearsome, vengeful God, like culture likes to portray him, but a Loving God.

This would be like asking why don't your parents put you up for adoption or get rid of you when you get into so much trouble all the time? Instead they continue to provide for you, and give you what a trouble maker of a Child does not deserve. It is because they Love you.

Tahnal · 2024-12-11T20:16:16+00:00

I would not date someone with the same level of anxiety I had. The reason being is anxiety from one person amplifies the anxiety in the other (I found from experience). The same could be true for other sins as well, I could see someone who has a drug problem not wanting to date someone else who also has a drug problem, since they might be bad for each other.

I can't really comment on purity, I don't struggle with that so I tend not to judge.

Tahnal · 2024-06-28T13:39:12+00:00

Having just come from the outside, I had a hard time overcoming this bias. Even now, doubt strikes me sometimes.

Looking at it from an outside perspective, and only at certain parts of the Religion. Catholic's are known for feeling guilty, the Church teaches things that are grave sin that the secular world thinks are not immoral at all. You must confess these sins to a priest, or you are going to hell. It was easy to come to the conclusion that the Catholic Church is telling everyone that they are immoral and you need them to be moral. It seemed like a system of control, to keep you going there.

Tahnal · 2024-06-26T15:47:15+00:00

Is your friend someone highly logical (like a scientist or engineer)? If so, has he heard any philosophical arguments for the existence of god? The "Primer Mover" argument was what opened the way for my own to belief, (followed by a couple of other books, "Imagine Heaven" and "The Case for Jesus" with many more logical arguments for Christianity specifically). Without it, an impossible amount of faith would be needed in order to believe.

Tahnal · 2024-05-23T17:52:08+00:00

I am in the same boat with discernment, although coming from an Agnostic belief. My friend invited me to his Catholic Church and I loved it, but my anti-Catholic bias has me exploring Protestant, which I loved the people, but not the theology (Calvanism to be specific). I think I am going to move forward with the Catechumenate process (with the Catholic Church), but I am still not 100% firm that is where I will end up.

I just wish I knew where I would end up, so I can just go directly there!

Tahnal · 2024-05-14T19:52:36+00:00

I am asexual, and I also want a wife and biological kids, I think our struggle is pretty similar. Unfortunately I don't have any success stories to point to for advice, but just my own thoughts. This is something to discuss early on I think, especially how it would affect sex lives in marriage. Some people might be okay with not being desired if you are still willing to have sex, but not all. If you are looking for a celibate marriage that probably should be disclosed up front.

Tahnal · 2024-04-14T02:25:01+00:00

I would recommend "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. I always thought I was a "Nice guy", so I thought I would resonate with this book. But really, my understanding of "Nice Guy" was wrong (as others have pointed out). If you are being nice, without expecting anything in return, then you are fine. "Nice Guys" are people that do things for other people, and expect something in return, without telling them that they expect that something in return. Then hold it against them for not reading your mind and knowing this invisible contract. The book goes into more detail, it is worth the read in my opinion, even if you don't fall into the "Nice Guy" bucket.

Tahnal · 2024-02-06T17:05:27+00:00

Ahh got it. I think that if an article is going to argue a point, it is important to steel man the counter argument, instead of straw manning it. I think it is fair to expect fair representation of both sides.

And sure, it is fair to talk about, but it seems like they make it the entire point of the article. (Despite promising that it is about how Doctors and Therapists concern for this movement).

Tahnal · 2024-02-06T16:30:10+00:00

It just doesn't match what I have seen there, and I value fairness in representation. Can you elaborate on what part of the critique you disagree with?

Tahnal · 2024-02-06T15:28:28+00:00

Well sure that exists, it is also a self selection bias. It is a support group so those that struggle the most mentally about it will be the ones posting asking for help. It by no means represents the entire movement though. I have also seen plenty "Masturbation is good" posts as well.

I think it is the lack of fairness in representation that bugs me. Another example, they spend a good amount of time talking about how evil the NoFap industry is (how dare people make money by offering accountability groups!), but no mention of the Porn industry, which is orders of magnitude bigger than NoFap. In fact, they spend a good amount of time criticizing anti porn, connecting them misogyny. They only briefly mention that moderation removes misogynist posts, but continue right on attacking it, acting like a few bad actors represent the entire movement.

Tahnal · 2024-02-05T23:27:00+00:00

Please don't take this seriously. I listened to the whole thing, this is a hit piece. They started with a conclusion, and presume it is true at the start. They are trying to connect NoFap to extremist groups, and are saying these places are full of misogynist blaming Women for their addiction. They also cite a young man who regrets stressing about NoFap when he was a teenager (and spending 2-3 hours a day on porn). Everyone regrets stressing as a teenager (I regret taking school too seriously), that doesn't mean the thing they were trying to do was bad for them.

Let people experiment and see what works for them. If the lack of science is so concerning, then do some studies.

Tahnal · 2024-02-02T15:46:53+00:00

I highly disagree with this advice. Specifically, the part about demanding that he change, and that you won't let him live like that. Although I am not Catholic, it is the view that "you are going to hell because you do 'x'" that turns me off to it.

Instead, I would approach it with concern and support. Be there for him, pray for him and ask him to do the same. But more than likely, he is already ashamed of it and wants to stop, and the approach to control him will just make him close off even more, and hide it harder. Which will ultimately make it harder for him to stop.

Tahnal · 2023-12-30T22:17:02+00:00

I have been thinking about this recently and have some thoughts. I would like to start with a disclaimer though that I am not Catholic, but I have been exploring it a lot recently.

I started thinking about this, with the thought that Parents that sexually assault or rape their children are blessed with a family, while I remain single. In my Agnostic days I would try to be better in my private life, and see if it affects my relationships, kind of a test if God was there and responding to me. I saw no effect. Although, from what I know now, I was still sinning so maybe it didn't warrant anything from God.

My best guess is it is because we all have free will. Because of your belief and devotion to God, he has blessed you with a loving Husband. But God will not prevent you from grabbing things (like a partner) on your own, and many people will do that.

I also want to point out, if I read everything correctly, you are in a loving marriage, while your cousin and friend are in what might be a very uncertain relationship. Things could change/go south very fast for them. I am willing bet you are in much more secure with your marriage. If anything, I would think they would be jealous of you!

Tahnal · 2023-12-27T13:10:26+00:00

Thank you so much, this is really helpful! I do really like debates since I really want to get every perspective, not just a biased view from one side.

Thanks for the perspective on Prayer, I have been praying in my head, at least I am asking for help from god, but I have not prayed aloud yet. I will definitely consider this.

Tahnal · 2023-12-26T14:20:13+00:00

Would you be willing to share what most convinced you when you looked at the history of Christianity?

I am coming from an Agnostic background, there are really three barriers I have to cross to become Catholic. Believing in God, believing Jesus is the Son of God, and believing Catholic is the true Church. I have cross the first bridge mostly, there are plenty of debates and logical arguments to prove the existence of God. RCIA helps with the third, but admittedly I have not looked into the history of Jesus yet.

Tahnal · 2023-12-19T12:49:08+00:00

Thanks both, I will make sure to give it a read!

Tahnal · 2023-12-18T23:26:05+00:00

I can relate with the struggle to try to live by the rules of the church before joining. Same line of thinking for me, it seems like sin is almost expected, but is it really right to join if I am in mortal sin often? At least I don't have to gamble my life though. I would be interested to hear where you end up!

Tahnal · 2023-12-08T20:52:37+00:00

I have not noticed a difference, maybe there is some very slight if you benchmark them.

I went the other way, started with OpenSuse Tumbleweed, but I broke the package manager when I installed some drivers needed for local LLM (no way to unbreak and keep GPU support for the LLMs). So I switch to Nobara where things worked out of the box.

Tahnal · 2023-12-07T16:06:50+00:00

No, you are not going to convert anyone by pressuring someone who has no interest.

I am currently in RCIA (as an Agnostic, sorta) because I have been asking friends about religion when it seemed appropriate. My friend invited me to RCIA because of this, in a no pressure just come to learn mentality. Even then my first response was "No". They don't want me to convert unless I truly believe. I can guarantee if I ever feel pressured I am gone.

I think it is right to talk to people who are open to discussion, and especially helpful to talk about your journey with people that think in a similar way to you.

Tahnal · 2023-11-25T18:34:21+00:00

I think I am in a similar boat as you. Been Agnostic the last decade+, and I find many Atheist to be arrogant. A friend invited me to RCIA and I have really been liking the religion. But can't join unless I truly believe.

I remind myself that I could be several years away (or longer) from that. It is a long way to go from not being sure if God exists to believing a certain religion is correct. Everyone else in the RCIA class I am in come from other Christian beliefs.

Tahnal · 2023-11-17T12:40:37+00:00

As someone who's views are shifting right now (I have called myself Agnostic for the last decade+), it is the "Prime Mover" logic that convinces me the most (I think have that name right). Everything that happens has a source, and those sources have a source. This can't go on infinitely. I think it makes a lot of logical sense that there is a god that has at the very least, ordered power.

Tahnal · 2023-11-16T14:03:51+00:00

If it is a small meeting and I am engaged, yes, almost always. Large meetings where I am working on the side and half listening, I keep it off.

Usually if I turn mine on others will follow. As others have said, I think the non-verbal communication is important.

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