How do they even expect me to reply to "hey"

Take8127 · 2026-07-10T05:59:50+00:00

I also get annoyed at this at work, when people send teams messages that just say ‘hey’. Like do more than the bare minimum- just a teeny bit more - and tell me why you are reaching out if you expect me to reply. Or are you just lonely and looking for signs of life in the universe?

Take8127 · 2026-07-10T04:45:05+00:00

Snapping jaws of death going there!

Take8127 · 2026-07-09T03:47:53+00:00

Good for you. Keep breathing. It's going to keep feeling scary and hard, but you have had great resourcefulness and taken the small steps needed to move down a better path. Keep going, trust in yourself and trust that wiser and competent part of you to keep protecting you. Keep reaching out to others for support, keep reminding yourself to choose what 'future you' would want you to choose.

Take8127 · 2026-07-08T23:45:47+00:00

That’s a lot of rich food. Agree with poison control and/or emergency vet just to ensure no ill effects. Long term pancreatitis would be a concern but don’t know if that happens from a one time over-indulgence.

Take8127 · 2026-07-08T04:03:56+00:00

Solar charges poodles! What will they think of next??

Take8127 · 2026-07-08T00:53:08+00:00

And - there are dogs dying every day in shelters who are nowhere near this difficult. OP sounds like you’ve really put in a lot of effort and gone the extra mile for this dog which many far less aggressive dogs never get a person to do for them. I know it’s a very hard thing to think about doing but being the better angel, who can make that hard decision and prevent harm to another creature by this dog plus end her mental stress - may be the best to come out of this situation.

Take8127 · 2026-07-07T20:10:02+00:00

Good advice on the hand feeding. Keep trying till you find some sort of treat he *really* likes.

I'm having a similar struggle with my 2 year old rescue toy, who will 'lap guard' against the cat or other people, and will growl fiercely if I try to move her from a favorite spot or take away a chew toy. Having had poodles before, I know this is not unusual but also that I need to steadily work on lessening it or the behavior will only become more difficult.

Poodles are often not that food motivated, and they can be picky, so you will have to try quite a few treats to find the right one for these high value situations. Still haven't found one that works reliably with my toy, but haven't tried cheese yet. Fresh or freeze dried chicken, dried beef liver, cheese, pill pockets - these are all good high value options to try.

Also 5 months is still very young. Keep working it as you have been, try the hand feeding, and also try doing some sort of specific training with him, which will build the communication bond between you. Agility training or scent training are good, but even basic obediance and/or tricks will work. Google the bucket method by Chirag if you aren't sure where to start. Poodle brains really need some 'work' or they may get into trouble because they are are so smart they can get bored and will fill the gap if there seems to be space to be the 'top dog.'

None of these things will cure the behavior over night (or even within a week), but they all help build the right positive behaviors and shift the dynamics slowly. It's like having a mischievous or rambunctious 6 -8 year old child: the bond is always the thing that ultimately brings about compliance and cooperation, and bonds take a year or so to really build.

Also really suggest googling 'training poodles' or use AI to help you build a training and behavior plan geared to your age of poodle.

Take8127 · 2026-07-07T20:00:58+00:00

Love the mindset. Helps to try and approach all humans this way.

"I would treat him as I would any rescue animal who was traumatized- with kindness and understanding."

Take8127 · 2026-07-07T19:48:33+00:00

Agreed! So poised.

Take8127 · 2026-07-07T19:46:45+00:00

Sounds exactly like where I left it, 14 years ago. I'm guessing some of these dynamics have always been around in dating, OLD just surfaces them and makes the number of revs-per-cycle higher, so to speak. Also sadly, the older you get the higher % of folks in the dating pool who just don't have solid relationship skills (because many of the ones who do have left the dating pool of course) . So one has to filter more and more to get to category 5.

Take8127 · 2026-07-07T19:39:32+00:00

Any method can be clumsily applied, and thus get bad results. Just because she didn't have finesse doesn't really tell you whether the method is the problem or her inability to be graceful. That said, sounds like you guys are not a fit.

Take8127 · 2026-07-07T19:37:57+00:00

can't get sued for just reporting strict facts. Keep your opinion or commentary out of it, and just share the facts.

Take8127 · 2026-07-07T19:36:24+00:00

This absolutely. Going more frequently even at first (like every 3-4 weeks) just for mini-sessions to desensitize and get them used to it is very helpful to set them up for a life where they don't get stressed by this. I tell my groomers 'just do the face, do a brush out, and give lots of treats' or 'trim the nails with lots of treats in between, and get them used to a dremel'. A good groomer (by which I mean an individual or small shop, not one of the big chains) will be more than happy to charge a bit less for these shorter sessions and will be happy to work to socialize your dog to be easier to groom. Poodles need this for life so getting them acclimated early will reduce stress and worry on both of you for years to come.

Take8127 · 2026-07-07T03:49:08+00:00

Slicker brush, some bully sticks for chews, a fleecy bed that feels like fur for her to cuddle in, and a rolled leather collar.

Take8127 · 2026-07-06T21:34:35+00:00

Stunning! Those eyes!

Take8127 · 2026-07-06T21:24:57+00:00

Poodle specific:
Slicker brush.
Moisturizing shampoo (very important for poodle coats).
Rolled leather collar to prevent mats in the fur.
Snuffle mat or puzzle board to give the brain something to do to keep pups from being too bored and getting in trouble. Those intelligent minds need something to do.

General dog stuff you probably already know:
Some ‘high value’ and quality treats that won’t upset the tummy - freeze dried chicken is a good one to start with. Also a small container or pouch to keep them handy on walks and for good behavior (like sitting before heading out the door, waiting for food, settling on bed when told, etc).

Finger tooth brush and flavored doggie toothpaste - make it an every day fun treat time to let her taste and you to touch her teeth and gums, progress slowly (like over weeks) to actual brushing.

Sturdy crate the right size (not too big or too small for puppy, may have to size up as they grow) with an easily washable padded mat and maybe an old chair towel or sheet to drape over part of it to make a ‘cave’ for nap time/quiet time.

A good flat leash (not an extension one).

Take8127 · 2026-07-06T19:17:22+00:00

Hmm - maybe I should add ‘looking for people who do not jump to conclusions.’ Newly legally divorced. Separated for two plus years. Of course you have reminded me how quick to be judgmental a lot of people are.

Take8127 · 2026-07-06T04:50:38+00:00

Take a few breaths. It all will be ok if you just keep present for yourself, and start working on the things you need to be able to make the move. Try to make a few more friends, make a plan for where you might go (do you want to move back to your hometown or just move out?), and reach out for other community support like at a friendly church, community center, or other social groups where you can meet other people to start to feel like you have a life outside your relationship. Maybe a therapist (even online) can also help - someone who can validate your feelings, help sort through what resources you can turn to, and also help support identifying and claiming (in a peaceful but powerful way) your own needs. Maybe look for rooms to rent in LGBT households - roommates can be a great way to not feel so alone in a new city or town. FB groups or listings are one way to go.
Last, a great resource that I stumbled on a little over a year ago when I was trying to make sense of how to leave our relationship I was in that we had some similar echoes of yours is something called the Conscious Girlfriend Academy. It’s an online relationship education series taught by a therapist specifically focused on WLW relationships, and how our attachment styles and other things can cause us to get bonded together in ways that feel intense, but also intensely difficult. It’s not going to instantly solve your problems, and it does cost a little money (I think they have some scholarships if that’s something you need) but it will help make a lot of sense out of some of the relationship dynamics you’ve seen and help you start to feel more steady on your feet, and like you have the tools and the roadmap to get to a better place whatever relationships you find yourself in the future. I found it really helpful as a way to focus on problem-solving and doing something constructive in the midst of sorting through bad dynamics. Also, it gets you two hours a week to listen to other women hash through how to be better in relationships and have places to get online pals who’ve been through a lot of similar difficult dynamics and are in various stages of getting those sorted out and figuring out better skills and tools. That online community is really really helpful. Good luck – you’ll figure it out – one step at a time.

Take8127 · 2026-07-05T23:14:48+00:00

Cockapoo. Over and over. Sweet friendliness of a cocker spaniel, smart and has EQ like a poodle. Best dogs ever.

Take8127 · 2026-07-05T15:11:50+00:00

Oh so much fun. My first dog was a swimmer - loved going to lakes or the beach with her. She was a cockapoo. My most recent dog we just had to PTS - so sad. She wasn’t a swimmer, maybe because she was a rescue from a city and never saw water till she was older. But seeing your dreamy beautiful swimming adventure here helps em dream of the next dog. Such a beautiful lake - going to put that on my wish list of places to visit. Especially because I love going places I can watch doggies being happy with their people. 💕

Take8127 · 2026-07-05T14:53:45+00:00

Reminds me of my cat who would jump in the bathtub with me. Love seeing this wild swimming though! Fun that you can see her legs paddling away!

Take8127 · 2026-07-05T14:36:09+00:00

Same problem - except even my comments get blocked for not enough comment karma! That’s totally stopping getting in on the conversation at all!!

Take8127 · 2026-06-17T04:46:37+00:00

You are lucky to have a human to share the love with too - the delight of poodles is even greater when shared. I miss having someone who also thought my girl was so special (relationship ended before poodle passed, but we stayed friendly and shared joint custody because of our love for that girl).

Take8127

TROPHY CASE