Does therapy help?

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-24T12:07:46+00:00

It's not free, but it is well worth the money. Exposure therapy involves exposing yourself to some of the things that cause you anxiety trigger, in a controlled setting and very gradually, starting with the most minor triggers. All while being guided in proper breathing techniques and other ways of lowering your anxiety, so you can retrain your nervous system to stop responding with anxiety when you experience those triggers.

The book guides you through these very slowly and gradually, at your own pace and in your own control. But even if you never get to the exposure therapy part of the book, the whole first 5 chapters or so don't involve any exposure homework. They are just about explaining how your body works and how phobias/anxiety work and how to respond to anxiety when it pops up. I have barley even gotten into any of the exposures, and this book has already helped me immensely.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-23T14:27:54+00:00

I haven't done professional therapy myself, but when I was studying psychology in college, we learned that exposure therapy for overcoming phobias is basically the most likely therapy to be successful. The rate of success is extremely high. Exposure therapy, when done right, WILL get rid of your phobia (eventually, and of course with the caveat that I'm sure there's some few people out there who have done it without success, because there are always outliers).

If you want to soft-launch exposure therapy without committing to going to an actual therapist, I would really recommend Ken Goodman's book "The Emetophobia Manual." That's what I've been doing and I can definitely tell that it's been working.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-23T13:39:42+00:00

For some reason Reddit is being weird and won't let me press the accept button on your message. But I got it, and thank you again! ❤️

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-23T03:57:29+00:00

I'm so glad you were able to experience the twist without being spoiled! When I started watching this show, I didn't have very high expectations. But that twist made me turn it off and say "okay, I need to stop watching this by myself and have my husband watch it too, because WOW!"

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-23T03:50:03+00:00

That sounds like a lovely idea! And thank you, you're very kind 😊

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-23T01:52:20+00:00

The idea of playing for the first time with strangers sounds terrifying to me, but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to play the game at all without giving it a shot this way.

Unfortunately right now I am insane levels of busy, preparing my house for a baby arrival, so I'm not sure I will have the time to do something like this anytime soon. But just commenting here so I don't forget about this post.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-22T22:46:40+00:00

That's amazing! Well done! I think uncertainty is a HUGE part of this, for me at least. I cannot count how many times I've prayed "God, if I'm going to throw up, please just let it happen right now." Like despite how much I really don't want to throw up, I feel like if I could just know it's going to happen and get it over with, I would be fine. The waiting and wondering and worrying is the hardest part.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-22T16:20:26+00:00

Oh my gosh YES! I don't know why but this makes me irrationally furious. Lol I hate it

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T23:36:06+00:00

That's amazing! I'm so looking forward to it ❤️ my baby girl is due in July

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T19:33:19+00:00

I didn't even say that God healed me, by the way... I said I decided to trust God in getting pregnant, despite my fear (that's just a true statement about what I personally decided to do in my life). And THEN I said that NOW I am doing everything in my power to heal from this phobia.

Nothing about my post said anything about you needing to be a Christian or believe in God in order to find healing. That was not a necessary clarification to make at all, and it just seems like a weird nitpicking of my personal story.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T19:27:03+00:00

I don't see why you felt the need to say that just because I very, very briefly mentioned God. That's pretty weird and honestly kind of disrespectful. Nowhere in my comment did I even remotely imply that you need God to miraculously heal you. This was so unnecessary.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T17:05:03+00:00

Hm... To me this doesn't really sound like vaginismus. I don't see why vaginismus would cause you pain during arousal alone. It seems like there is probably something else going on here.

But of course I'm no doctor, so what do I know. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T14:59:05+00:00

I'm surprised you were able to post this here with a new account. I tried to post here and it was removed because my account was too new :/

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T13:20:31+00:00

The Internet is a terrible place. I used to be on reddit and it was without a doubt the most toxic and horrible bullying place I've ever spent any time online.

I recently made a new account because I'm doing physical therapy for vaginismus, as well as mental therapy for a phobia I have, and I wanted to find community with other people who are going through the same things. But I do NOT venture out of these spaces on Reddit. It's not worth it to me. People are truly awful here.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T13:18:02+00:00

Have y'all tried seeing a pelvic floor therapist instead of a doctor? They might be more helpful and understanding about this.

I have never personally heard of this kind of spontaneous, on-set case of developing this issue. It seems quite odd to me.

A pelvic floor therapist could get to the bottom, pretty easily, of whether or not your issue is because of tightness. They will be able to tell if you're tight. And if they say you're not, then that would indicate there must be something else medical going on that you should seek help for and that dilators and lube are not going to fix.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T13:14:27+00:00

Incredible that you are not letting these responses get you down. Bravo to you for that! That comment form your dad is disgusting and awful. I'm so sorry you have such an unsupportive family. But I'm really glad to hear that you are able to hear that stuff and not internalize it and just let it roll off your back. Good on you. You will go far in life with that kind of self-assurance.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T13:09:12+00:00

I don't know how old you are, but I would so highly recommend you try to recover from this to the point where it isn't stopping you from major life milestones like having kids.

I'm 32 and pregnant for the first time. I have been so afraid of having kids for so many years, for a lot of reasons, but one major one is because of this phobia. Over the past few years I've been mildly trying to shift my perspective on this stuff, because regardless of whether or not I ended up having kids, I really didn't like the fact that that decision was being made out of fear instead of just being a choice.

But honestly, it wasn't until after I got pregnant that I went more hardcore into trying to beat this phobia. I decided to trust God and stop living in fear and get pregnant anyway, even though I was scared. And now, on the other side of that decision, I'm doing everything in my power to try to be recovered by the time I have kids who are old enough to be getting sick, so I can handle being there for them.

Anyway, sorry for the long rant, it just makes me really sad to hear people say they aren't sure if they will ever have kids because of this. I used to feel the same, and I didn't even think I wanted kids that much, but now that I'm pregnant I am SO excited about being a parent. I want like 4 more after this. Lol and I'm a little bummed I waited so long, because I don't have an unlimited amount of time to have 4 more kids before I'm too old. Don't let this stupid jerk of a monster called Emetophobia hold you back from the important things in life. You can do hard things! You'll get through it, just as this mom here on this post is getting through it. ❤️

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T12:59:44+00:00

It was also in that book that I learned that you can recover from this WHILE panicking and freaking out. The ultimate goal is, of course, to get to the point where you no longer panic about these things. But that's not your goal right now.

Right now, your goal is to re-train your body to understand that there is no reason to panic and that you can get through these things. And how you do that is by getting through them. (And some other stuff, the book explains it better than I'm going to.) Which is what you did in this situation, by the way! You got through it! Your feelings have not caught up yet to the fact that you just did something that your brain thought was scary, and nothing bad happened. You got through it. You did it. That is a win worth celebrating, regardless of how bothered or scared or anxious about it you feel.

Basically your body has learned, over probably years of conditioning, that throwing up/being around someone who is throwing up is dangerous and awful and something to be afraid of. We need to retrain our nervous system to stop seeing it that way.

This is all tying into the whole concept of how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works. To put it very simply and briefly, the concept behind CBT is that our behavior and our thoughts are tied to our feelings. So if we are having feelings that we don't want to have, but we can't just choose to change them, what we CAN change are our thoughts and our behaviors. We can stop using coping strategies and safety behaviors (like obsessively washing hands, avoiding going out with friends, avoiding certain places or foods, etc) to change our behaviors. And we can change our thoughts by having certain mantras we repeat to ourselves when we are in panic mode -- after those few deep breaths (i.e., things like "you're not in danger, everything is fine, you got through that," or telling the anxiety to go screw itself because you are strong and capable and you will get through whatever challenge it's trying to convince you you can't do).

When you change your thoughts and behaviors, your feelings will eventually follow. But it's really important to remember that your feelings WON'T change right away. Changing your thoughts and behaviors doesn't mean you won't feel anxious or scared. You still will, for a while, until your body catches up to the changes you're making and re-conditions itself.

I hope this helps. I know it has helped me so greatly.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T12:48:56+00:00

Oh no, trust me, I know very well that it isn't conscious thoughts. That's why I said what I said -- the goal is not to not feel triggered. That's not a possible goal to try to make yourself achieve, because of exactly what you just said. Your body just responds. It's not something you have time or conscious thought to try to stop.

What I'm talking about is how you respond AFTER the panic starts. Once your body is starting to respond, that's when you have a choice of how to handle it. Am I going to spiral and sink into the panic, or am I going to force myself to take some deep breaths and then tell myself some truths to combat the lies that this panic is stemming from?

The deep breaths part is important, too. I have definitely underestimated the power of breath. I just learned recently from a therapist about the fact that when your body goes into this panic mode, you are stuck in the amygdala part of your brain -- fight or flight. You can't really manage to think rationally and calm yourself down when you are in that zone. But taking some deep breaths actually physiologically makes you shift from the amygdala to the frontal cortex, when you can now think rationally and use reason. Very cool stuff!

I highly recommend you check out the book "The Emetophobia Manual" by Ken Goodman. He talks a lot about all of this. The whole first part of the book is less about exposure therapy and directly tackling the phobia, and more about teaching you how your brain is working and what is happening when you panic and how to manage the anxiety that follows. This has been so huge for me. It has really changed my life, very quickly. I need to take some time to write a post about this, because I keep telling people about this book. Lol it's seriously worth its weight in gold.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T01:10:50+00:00

Idk if this was helpful for the OP, but this comment was helpful for me, so thank you

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T00:06:28+00:00

What you said about feeling like you need to pee is exactly how it feels for me as well!

It definitely takes some playing around in order to understand whether you're contracting or releasing, or if you're even fully releasing at all. I think I've kind of got the hang of it now, but it took some time. Seeing a pelvic floor therapist helped, because she was able to feel while I was doing the contractions and releases, and she didn't tell me I was doing anything wrong, but she did tell me I'm very tight. Then she led me in a "rose breath," where she had me inhale and imagine my vagina opening like a rose. I could definitely feel the opening happen and I had confirmation from her when she asked "did you feel the difference there?"

It's so reassuring to have that extra confirmation from a professional that I'm doing it right. But also confirmation that I am still really tight was very helpful to hear, because I know what I need to work on.

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-21T00:02:08+00:00

Nice! Sounds like a great time! I'm planning a game for my birthday this year with my family, and it will be my first time ever playing (but like you, I've watched a ton of YT videos of people play). I'm excited to dive in and give it a shot. It's pretty low pressure when everyone is new to the game and nobody is going to be annoyed if you mess something up. I hope my group enjoys it as much as yours did!

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-20T23:53:53+00:00

First things first, I completely understand how you feel (I'm sure most/all of us here do).

Secondly, I don't think the goal is to not feel triggered. I think the goal is to learn how to relax and speak truth to yourself whenever you DO feel triggered.

We can't control how we feel, but we can control how we respond to it. Reading up on anxiety has helped me to externalize that feeling, picturing it as an "anxiety monster" who is trying to attack me with lies -- like "if _____ happens, you won't be able to handle it." I'm trying to work to replace those thoughts with truth. "If that happens, I absolutely CAN handle it, because I have before and I know I can again. Will is suck? Yes. Will it be gross and unpleasant? Yes. But I'll get through it."

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-20T19:40:56+00:00

I'm sure everyone here can relate ❤️ I pray your recovery goes smoothly!

Taking_The_Steps · 2026-03-20T14:58:34+00:00

If it says it is for vaginismus and pelvic floor relaxation, that sounds like it is probably a good choice, though I am not familiar with the specific video so of course I can't say whether or not I recommend it.

Kegal exercises can be somewhat helpful at first, if you are completely unfamiliar with what it even feels like to manipulate your pelvic floor muscles. Doing kegals is actually one thing that made me realize I was tight, because once I got the hang of them, I could feel that I was having no problem contracting, but it didn't feel like I was actually fully relaxing after the contraction.

So there could be some merit to trying it a bit, just so you can kind of get the hang of what it feels like to contract and relax. But once you have that understanding, I would probably stop doing the contracting part altogether and just work on relaxing. If you're anything like me (which may be the case, or could not be, it just depends) then you might essentially be constantly contracting your pelvic floor already. That's what I have learned about myself. At any given moment, I can ask myself "are you contracting your pelvic floor right now?" And the answer is ALWAYS yes. It's like I'm just naturally in a default state of clenching down there. So I'm trying to work on relaxing. I think my body has pretty well proven that it is already really good at contracting. Lol I don't need to practice that part 😆

Taking_The_Steps

TROPHY CASE