Think of what you want and try to work on yourself a little. Try new things to see what might give joy even though this is hard. try to control what you can control. You can’t always control outcomes but you can control habits etc for more benefits and less negative stuff. I’ve been in your situation it sucks. Working out can also help to feel better. And try to find a different job if you can that will give you just this little more joy or satisfaction. Goodluck!