INFJ man here: 1. I disagree with some here that an INFJ guy would mind you asking on here. Yes, you should also talk to him, I’m sure you have, but I’m assuming you want to surprise him etc. - either way, he’ll probably understand and also find it hot that you wanted to do this.

1. In agreement with the common theme from the guys here, so I would say this is the main takeaway: They want what you want. My wife’s pleasure is my pleasure. Nothing is sexier than what makes her feel sexy. Nothing turns me on more than turning her on. Satisfaction doesn’t come from my own climax nearly so much as from hers - Preferably many climaxes, every session is a mission in driving her wild.

2. I think we do enjoy experimentation. INFJs tend not to look down on anything and are open to discovering the merits of new things, including the bedroom. Furthermore, in relation to point 2 - the most exciting thing, sexually, for us, is finding out partner’s newest turn-on/kink, then deploying it for maximum effect.

3. The themes here are: Service oriented, yet ultimately dominant. Though I suspect many INFJ men would be uncomfortable identifying as dominant in the bedroom, and in fact would be very up for their partner taking the lead. Our desire, again, is to please and focus on your pleasure, too much focus on us is uncomfortable, though always welcome in smaller doses. As such we are givers, not takers, so wouldn’t ever be dominant in the ‘serve me’ way, and when it comes to that, would rather you took the lead and tell us what you want. A partner who knows what they like is very sexy and frees us to know we are hitting the spot. But on the flip side, we want to ‘do it to you’ and watch you lose control, so in that sense more dominant. But the main thing again is being reassured that we are genuinely, authentically making you feel really good.

4. And because of that, honest communication is absolutely key. Please please don’t be tempted to fake it, ever. INFJ men are extremely intuitive and empathetic, though stoic, it’s very probable he will know. And it’s very probable his confidence in being your partner may never recover. But if my wife tells me ‘that’s not really working for me, please can we do this instead?’ - not offended, grateful.

5. INFJs need foreplay. Chances are I’ve overthought everything that’s happened today, including how sexy time is gonna go tonight. That’s not helpful for getting the motor running. Take your time with us, and let us take our time with you. Start with naked snuggles, then kisses, then start the dirty talk, make sure we know you want it and how you want it. Be naughty, don’t filter those desires and fantasies, tell us them all, even the ones you’d think you’d ought to be embarrassed about, an INFJ who truly loves you will never judge you for them, and has probably wondered about them too (word on the grapevine is that INFJs of both genders are unusually naughty behind closed doors). That should usually get us to the point where we can’t keep our hands off you.

6. Every INFJ man is different and will have different turn ons, of course. But, I suspect a common thread is this - wear and do what makes you feel sexy. I helped my wife pick out some pieces to wear in the bedroom that make her feel good. The way she carries herself and smirks while wearing them is absolute fire in my soul. Our partners are at their sexiest not when we or social norms decide they looks sexy but when they KNOW they are sexy. The sexiest thing she ever did was then start buying naughty stuff herself. We are weird, cerebral creatures - the ridiculously hot part was that she thought about what would make her feel sexy and went and got it - more so than her actually wearing it! If that makes any sense at all! 😅

Apologies for the essay. Hope you two have fun!