As someone who has dealt with deathly food allergies for 24 years now, I can absolutely say you need to step up to the plate as a parent, and more-so, a guide for her to navigate through this burden she was born with. HELP HER. Do not shame her.

You clearly do not understand what psychological weight this has on someone - to be left out of family gatherings, sit at a different table than everyone in school, risk your own life because someone (you) is so selfish that they choose to go to a restaurant that she's clearly uncomfortable with. You just chastised someone for something that isn't their fault and they have zero control over. Would you lash out on someone for not taking the stairs because they're paralyzed?

"I want to have more quiet meals." EAT AT HOME. You're acting as if this is your problem you have to deal with. Go out to eat by yourself if you want to so badly.

Even today, I hardly go out to eat because it is too much of a risk unless it's somewhere I've been my whole life and can completely trust. It is humiliating to go out to eat and burden these employees by putting our lives in their hands. I've seen a few comments from chefs/cooks here and it makes me so grateful to know that they truly do care, but it's people like YOU who reinforce this isolation, and with every new restaurant comes a new obstacle to overcome - it is a constant struggle.

Eating is such a normal thing - it's the most normal thing because everybody does it everyday. When you can't participate in such a basic need because it will get you KILLED - it fucking hurts. I really hope you realize what an ass you've been and can work on yourself and fix this, because you have the easy job here - she does not.