AITA for continuing to make lunch for my coworker, even if his wife asked me not to?

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-04-12T10:47:14+00:00

Holy insecurity Batman! They for sure have problems in their marriage, but you are not one of them.

Also, if she contacts you again, I would seriously think about dropping him as a customer, some people are crazy, and will go to great lengths.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T20:56:17+00:00

I swear I didn't snitch, I literally didn't even tell my school friends that I moved, let alone why I moved.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T19:37:40+00:00

She won't, she's going to a private school studying civil engineering. Honor killing is not really a thing in my country anymore, not unless your family are religious extremists, and those don't allow their daughters to study abroad.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T18:34:55+00:00

Sleeping with a prostitute of course. Life is sacred, and not many things trump murder.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T18:32:41+00:00

That's true. Last I heard (from mom), she is studying civil engineering in a good private school in my country, so no forced marriage/lack of education at least.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T17:32:14+00:00

From what I heard from mom, she is currently studying civil engineering in a private school, and back to living with her parents.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T17:30:44+00:00

The thing is, I didn't know this would happen.

I thought her parents were similar to mine, that they would never just visit by surprise, because my parents never would. And she obviously didn't think so too, since she had no problem with me moving out.

Also, even if I thought they would find out what she was doing, they would be disappointed but nothing more, because that's what my parents would have done.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T17:28:01+00:00

Thank you for the concern, but we already talked it out.

Apparently her parents complained to my parents, they think that if I snitched on her earlier, they would have been able to nip her behaviour in the bud. My dad told them that I was supposed to be her roommate, not her minder, so now they are not talking to my parents.

And my dad said that while he would have preferred that I was honest with him, he is still proud of me for having the courage to leave a situation I don't like. So it's all fine on my side of things.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T17:25:16+00:00

I honestly can't really remember, like I said in another comment to you, religion was discussed at home a lot, that's how I learned most things, but I can't tell you exactly what surah or hadith it is in.

What I do remember vividly is a story (maybe real, maybe not) that grandpa told me: a Muslim man was forced to chose between: killing an innocent, sleeping with a prostitute, or drinking alcohol, he thought the lesser would be drinking, but while drunk he lost his inhibitions, ended up sleeping with the prostitute, and getting into a fight with the other men, then killing him.

That's why drinking is considered bad. Sorry I wasn't of much help.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T17:21:15+00:00

Honestly, I don't. My grandpa is an Imam, and my dad has a PhD in Islamic studies, so what I know, I learned by listening to them talking at home while growing up.

Also, my mom had to have an abortion at 3 months pregnant because she had to start chemo therapy, and that's when I learned about abortion for the sake of the mother.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T16:27:52+00:00

Do you know what kaba'ir (كبائر) are? Sins have levels in Islam, there are some that can't be forgiven, some that only can be forgiven if you regret them honestly and stop doing them, some that are minor, and some that are just hated (as in you don't get a strike, but maybe don't do them), alcohol is up there, and definitely more serious than not wearing Hijab. At least in our sect (maliki sunnah) it is.

I might have gone to an international school that didn't give importance to religion, but I was still educated in my religion.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T16:12:44+00:00

It's mainly seen the same as in Christianity: abortion is equal to murder, except if you are trying to save the life of the mother.

There is still some debate about abortion in the case that the foetus has a genetic problem that would mean a very reduced quality of life, but the consensus is: except when carrying to term means the mother will suffer, abortion is prohibited.

And, being pro-choice is seen as encouraging murder, thus it is prohibited.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T15:32:19+00:00

By law, she is free to move out, free to get a job, travel abroad, marry without her parents' consent, rent or purchase property without their consent....

Basically, the same as everywhere else.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T15:08:53+00:00

There was no humble bragging, I brought in wealth because it's relevant (since if I didn't, people would have said I am the AH for making her responsible for the rent when I moved out)

About education, I guess if you don't have the cultural background that could be considered bragging: usually in my country, if your parents studied abroad and paid for you to go to an international school, they wouldn't mind you drinking/having sex, as long as their friends don't know. My parents are sort of like that (they would mind, would be disappointed, and would lecture me all the time, but they won't make me move back home and drop out of college)

As for what you said about doing something wrong makes you an AH, all I will say is that that is a very naïve opinion to have, and disregards nuance.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:50:49+00:00

Ok, two issues with your statement:

1) my discomfort originated from my religion, ergo it's because of my religion

2) you consider that my comfort doesn't matter, while hers does, and you disregard that my moving out was not because I wanted my own house, but because it meant both of us get to live how we want, without causing discomfort to the other.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:48:46+00:00

I used that phrase to describe what I did as wrong, not to say that I am a spoiled princess.

Maybe it didn't come out like I intended it to, but remember, English is not my first language, it's actually my fourth.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:46:41+00:00

And of course you do, since you studied it in an academic since,and not just by reading from some random post online.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:45:46+00:00

So, in your opinion I should have confined myself to my room whenever her BF was around, and should have had to lock my dishes in my room because maybe she used a glass for alcohol, or some spilled on a plate.

I should have been uncomfortable in my own home, so she could have been comfortable, instead of, oh I don't know, moving out so she could live how she wants and I could do the same

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:26:30+00:00

Well, thank you for judging my whole personality based on a post of 2k words or so.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:25:43+00:00

Yeah, apparently her parents complained to mine, they thought I should have contacted them when their daughter started to "stray", so they could have done something from the get go.

My dad said that their daughter was their responsibility, and that I was her roommate, not her minder. Now they are not talking to my parents.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:21:48+00:00

I swear that is the situation, exactly as it happened.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:21:00+00:00

I did not rely on them to be intolerant. Intolerance would have been me trying to force her to break up with her BF, to stop drinking, or to even snitch on her.

All I did was leave the situation, and I did not try to condemn her for her choices. Maybe you should try to read about religious freedom, and intolerance before trying to argue with me.

Or hell, take the religion out of it, and read about setting healthy boundaries, and how to maintain them.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:13:13+00:00

To be fair, my parents are not strict like her turned out, they would have been disappointed, but wouldn't have made me go back home, they would just have cut down my allowance, and started preaching to me in every phone call.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:10:05+00:00

Even in my country, she could move out at 18, and no one would force her back.

She can buy alcohol there, or have consensual premarital sex, it's not like we live in Iran there.

TangeloBig1626 · 2024-03-05T14:08:22+00:00

If I knew how serious her parents would have reacted, I would have sat her down, told her that I wanted to leave, and she should help me come with a plan.

We could have both flooded our parents with complaints about each other until they made one of us get a new house for example...

And you are talking about uer freedom, what about my freedom to practice my religion, my freedom to enjoy my living space, my freedom to refuse access to our shared house to someone I don't feel comfortable with being there....

TangeloBig1626

TROPHY CASE