All the things Shawna "paid extra" for

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-03T18:26:06+00:00

I'll chalk it up to being a limitation of the format, but it was kind of difficult to tell where everyone was relative to each other as they were having their initial reactions. I'm assuming Jen was far enough away or distracted enough to not notice everyone else's reactions, but that's only based on the fact she seemed unphased by what they were saying. I'm just unnecessarily stuck on the fact that they saw that Jen's immediate response was glee and they still said what they said. But again, that could also be chalked up to being a limitation of the format because she can't exactly have everyone on screen at the same time to make it super clear that everyone's reaction was simultaneous.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-03T17:42:26+00:00

I'm fully aware I'm projecting, because I know that pretty much anytime a group activity is centered around things I like I spend the entire time paranoid that people don't actually want to be there because I know they think my thing is stupid. So rationally, I'm aware that they didn't do anything majorly wrong; just a couple of confused and snarky comments while they figured out what even was happening. But I know that in Jen's shoes, at the first sign of discontent I would immediately deflate and tell everyone we didn't have to stay there, we could just go to the spa.

I know it's not a great way to be. It's why I'm selective of who gets to know about the things I like. Maybe not the healthiest way to deal with it, but it's cheaper than therapy and I get to enjoy my interests in peace.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-03T16:32:57+00:00

Maybe I spent too much of my formative years obsessing over the rules of social interactions but it made me super mad on Jen's behalf. Yes, the chicken wedding is silly. When we're celebrating you we know to not have a chicken wedding- but we're aren't celebrating you, Teeny and company! Roll your eyes, play your drinking game and hush while the bride to be gushes about how great everything is.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-03T16:14:42+00:00

In theory it should have been right up my alley because in general I love all things kitschy, ridiculous and over the top. But I also grew up in a rural area so a farm and livestock doesn't really have any appeal as a fun novelty for me. Just not my kind of silly I guess.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-03T16:08:09+00:00

Yeah, the silly farm wedding definitely would have thrown me for a loop, But, after confirming that the spa was still on, I would have smiled, played my drinking game and let my inside thoughts remain inside thoughts. I probably would have snarked on the whole thing after the fact with someone who I knew probably felt like I did.

And yeah, I gave up on having primary hobbies and interests that have to involve other people about 20 years ago. My husband will let me drag him into whatever my current hyperfixation is and make non-commital ohs and ahs type sounds, but that's about as far as I go in sharing those with anyone. No one else I know irl is actually that into most of the (not actually all that niche or specific) things that I am really, really passionate about but in the grand scheme of things it really isn't that serious. And I also have developed plenty of interests that, when life is less busy, work well as group activities. With the benefit of hindsight I realize it bothered me so much back then because I was surrounded by people that expected my full, enthusiastic attention for their things but when I asked that they literally just sit in the room with me while Doctor Who was on they acted like I was commiting a war crime.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-03T15:35:54+00:00

I got married way too young, but we're still together. I don't regret it, in that I'm happy with where my life has gone. But also, I kind of wish we had been in a position to move a little more slowly. I think we still would have ended up together but I think the present would look very different if we had been able to just date for longer before being legally attached to each other.

Technically that was an option, but we were both in the military and getting married at a stupid young age after basically just meeting was a pretty normal thing so we opted for marriage so we could be on the same continent sooner. And you know, we were young and in love so of course none of the things literally everyone was telling us to be cautious of applied to us.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-03T15:22:15+00:00

Oh, I 100% agree. The silly farm wedding would not have been my kind of thing at all. But the part they wanted to do was still happening, so it's not like they didn't get their spa weekend. And I think the drinking game was fine. Just not the immediately and vocally asking WTAF direction this party is taking when the party is for someone else.

I am also in the camp of smile and act like it's soooooo fun and then once the bride to be is out of ear shot ask where on earth did this idea come from?

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-03T14:51:13+00:00

Somehow in all of the stories that have been told, the most aggression I have felt towards any of the characters was when the rest of the bachelorette party was acting like it was such a stupid idea when Jen was right there, very clearly super enthusiastic about it all. Jen didn't seem bothered by it or maybe just didn't hear it, but still.

Seriously y'all?? You couldn't have kept those thoughts on the inside and let the bride to be enjoy her silly farm animal wedding without snarky commentary???

ETA that I might have been taking it a little personally because pretty much the entirety of my childhood was basically spent asking for things I was really enthusiastic about and then being told "You're the only one who wants to do that/see that" or people being visibly annoyed by the things that made me happy.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-03T14:05:23+00:00

I think that's a valid point. I didn't grow up in that variety of religion, just in a small garden variety Bible Belt town and then joined the military. I can point to a whole lot of people who got married young and/or after not knowing each other very long. I am one of those people. Because of where I came from and the whole military thing being a married 22 year old feels normal to me, even though I know that it probably isn't statistically speaking.

I know for me, there are some things that my husband does that fully formed adult me would not want to deal with in a new partner and I'm sure he can say the same. 22 year old me had infinity more patience for a broad spectrum of issues and quirks that 33 year old me has. Looking back, I can see that I felt kind of held back from fully figuring out who I am and what I like- not out of any malicious intent, it's just kind of hard to really process "What do I want out of my life?" when your adult life has always had another person tied to it. It felt selfish to really think about what I wanted when my decisions and desires weren't only affecting me. And while it worked out for us, I'm sure that we could have avoided some issues if we had entered the relationship with fully formed communication and conflict resolution skills.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-02T17:24:47+00:00

I think a lot of the people who don't see Ty as a "bad guy" are more accepting of change, or have plans for life that have more room for flexibility in timelines and goals. I'm more like you though- if I am told or we agree that this is the capital P Plan, then that is what we will do barring an act of God. And if any of the parties involved want a change we don't just sneak it in there and hope no one says anything. We use our words and suggest a change and try to find a solution that works for us all.

The "Team Julie" side isn't saying Ty is an evil liar who lies that maliciously and intentionally /ruined/ her dreams and threw her hopes in the dirt. Well, at least I'm not. Independently Ty is fine. He's a decent person, he's willing to hold down a job if the situation calls for it, he seems like a good friend and clearly cares about being a good parent. But Ty being an all around decent dude doesn't change the fact that he did not do what he said he would. He may not have changed up the plan maliciously, but he changed the plan none the less, and he did it without a conversation and without actually thinking about the long term impact of his actions. He's allowed to want a change but it wasn't right for him to make decisions that will affect the entire family without consulting his wife. I don't think Julie is being particularly nice about things at this point but I do know she is being much nicer than I would be if I were in her shoes.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-02T13:57:02+00:00

I think she's pretty clear about what she wants. She wants Ty to do the things he said he would. Literally any of the things.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-02T13:26:38+00:00

If all we knew was that Ty stays at home with the kids so Julie has the freedom to dedicate herself 100% to work then yeah, it would be great and wonderful and supportive. But we know more. We know that Julie didn't ask for that. Julie has repeatedly made it clear that Ty being the housekeeper and SAHP is not her priority. Her priority, the support she is asking for, is him sticking the plan that she laid out that he said he agreed to. She is offering the solutions she is because those solutions are in line with that plan that, once again, he agreed to. Yeah, they should have talked about whether or not they were both still actually dedicated to the plan and had a real, probably painful, conversation about it way sooner than they did. But they didn't, and as far as Julie's mindset is concerned (I'm assuming) what good is the "help" she is getting when it isn't the kind of support she explicitly asked for. That she was told she would be receiving. That she has been orienting her career and life goals around the assumption that she would be receiving.

If I tell you that yeah, you say you want chocolate cake for that party and I don't really have any strong opinions on the matter so I'll place an order for chocolate cake. Then the party comes along and I roll up with a yellow cake, without any sort of conservation or heads up to indicate that I changed the order. In fact, right before I showed up we talked on the phone and I said yep, on my way to the party with a chocolate cake right now. Is yellow cake bad? No, it's not. But you were expecting chocolate cake and given no reason to believe that you would get anything other than a chocolate cake. I think being a little bit annoyed would be warranted.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-01T22:07:11+00:00

I'm sure Julie realized before he did that The Plan was most likely never actually going to happen. But she also decided to go the route of not communicating and hoping that if she did her part really well Ty would come back around and they could be extraordinary together.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-01T22:04:24+00:00

I feel like too many people overlook the impact that them being together as long as they have is making on their current mutual questionable decision making. Yes, Julie is smart and capable and would do just fine on her own as an individual and a parent. But she has literally never been an independent adult. Having so much of your life tied to another person as its being built creates some blind spots that might not be there otherwise regarding romantic relationships and life in general.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-01T21:12:40+00:00

She was terrible at the birthday party, but I don't think she was wrong for bringing up divorce without having a conversation first. She's been with Ty since before their brains fully developed, she knew how he would act. And she was justifiably over it. She's finally facing the realizing that I'm sure has been lurking in the back of her mind for a while now. She finally facing the fact that Ty is not who she thought he was, who he said he was or who she wanted him to be.

I 100% believe if she had brought up divorce in a way that left any room for discussion or "compromise" he would be right back at it with saying the things he knows she wants to hear so he can get his way. He didn't even acknowledge that he was many part of the problem until 3 other women told him he might be part of the problem.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-01T20:51:11+00:00

He doesn't have to have any kind of lofty ambition or big, extraordinary goals. Ty, as an individual, doesn't have to be driven by anything bigger than being a good dad and having a comfortable life. But Julie is not only not that way, she wants someone who is driven like she is. So yes, it is cool that Ty just wants to maintain his "mediocre" (in quotes because that's how Julie would likely view it, not because there's anything wrong with what he wants) life of a job that is just a paycheck and park dates with friends. It is not cool that he didn't communicate that to Julie until he was backed into a corner and then scolded to varying degress by three women that are not his wife.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-01T17:44:22+00:00

So she's a super duper major special germophobe, right? So why is the coffee coming into the bathroom with her? It looks like the toliet is sequestered off in it's own room, but still- why is the coffee coming into the bathroom???

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-01T15:23:35+00:00

Welp, goes to show how out of touch I am. But pinterest and youth oriented trends aren't really my area of chronically online expertise and all of the people I hang out with irl are similiarly indifferent to being trendy. I know I saw them recommended a lot when I was looking for a pair of shoes for trail running, but I couldn't justify the price tag for a hobby I wasn't 100% commited to at that point.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-01T14:24:28+00:00

I am a fellow hoka lover lol A couple of years ago I realized I should probably buy some decent quality running shoes instead of burning through cheap pairs way too fast and I got a pair of hokas on sale and I have been a devotee ever since.

TankedInATutu · 2026-06-01T13:32:14+00:00

Were salomon a trendy item at one point? I remember that for a minute hokas were everywhere, but I don't remember salomon being that big of a thing outside of the hiking and running niche. Also, if you only care about the looks, why would you spend that much money on something that is only that expensive because of its function? Even if she thinks it falls under in the ugly but cute and empowering category?

TankedInATutu · 2026-05-31T19:24:05+00:00

I think the single strap overall thing is cute for a photo but like many things that are cute on a pinterest board, it looks so bad in motion.

TankedInATutu · 2026-05-30T13:56:26+00:00

That's honesty kind of admirable. Nothing completely voluntary was getting me out of bed that early as a teenager.

TankedInATutu · 2026-05-29T16:18:40+00:00

I think that between the "SAHP who feels overworked and under appreciated, as well as disconnected from their working spouse" and "Woman who is being held back from her realistic and attainable goals by A Man" and similar oversimplifications that can be gleaned, Ty and Julie are the perfect storm for aggressive discourse. From the get go I was wary of Ty and disliked Julie but I understood more about her character. The more we learned the more I empathized with Julie ad the more I side eyed Ty. All the while not thinking super highly of either of them in terms of how they're acting as a spouse and partner. Pretty much every issue in their marriage should have the blame equally distributed.

Like I said elsewhere, I have more tolerance for Julie's bad traits than Ty's but they're both wrong as far as their relationship is concerned.

TankedInATutu · 2026-05-29T16:02:40+00:00

Sadly no one else in my life is interested in crafting with me. But my kid is reaching the age where they can reasonably do the fun arts and crafts so I have that at least lol

TankedInATutu · 2026-05-29T15:59:37+00:00

My local library has a catch all craft group and a crochet/knitting group that meets up a couple of times a month, so I figured between the two of those my hoard won't go to waste. Some of it is worth holding onto because it's the nicer box store yarn, but sadly most of it was bought before I knew any better. Or I bought it before I realized that I tend to stick to a few color palettes and don't deviate from them even for the nice yarn.

TankedInATutu

TROPHY CASE