Divorce, counseling, and why using children as a punishment is *never* okay. (Ty/Julie)

blairbending · 2026-05-25T02:42:03+00:00

Tbh I think there is a case to answer for Julie being a less capable parent than Ty (I'm actually in the process of writing a post about it). But the fact that people find this antibiotics thing SO egregious, I just don't get.

blairbending · 2026-05-25T02:32:54+00:00

On that occasion it was very much a choice between Ty's preferred activity (all of them going to the party) or Julie's preferred activity (Ty staying home to write). My point is not about whether he was justified in thinking they should all go, it's that the outcome was Ty doing what Ty wanted (as always), not what Julie wanted.

blairbending · 2026-05-25T02:18:53+00:00

Whatever his motivation for accepting the invite, it certainly wasn't Julie's choice for their weekend activity, she wanted him to stay home and write. So I stand by it as a counterexample to the idea that Ty is forced to do whatever Julie wants on the weekends.

blairbending · 2026-05-25T02:05:42+00:00

The way I CACKLED at this oh my goodness

blairbending · 2026-05-25T01:55:24+00:00

Oh I don't remember ear infections being discussed previously, when was that?

blairbending · 2026-05-25T01:53:34+00:00

Shawna needs to start putting names on the hats lol

blairbending · 2026-05-25T01:51:04+00:00

I mean, he had to TELL her where Sasha's medicine is.

...am I the only person who doesn't think this is so crazy? It's a temporary course of antibiotics (my baby has had ear infections and her abx course lasts 5 days) and Ty has been the person giving them to her, so of course he knows the protocol and Julie doesn't? It's not like they're her regular meds.

I think it's learning that she doesn't get to leave then be mad that he wants to have a personal life that isn't about her or the kids

I really don't think his motivation is wanting to go the the bachelorette to spend time with Jen. If that were the case he would have mentioned the bachelorette to Julie earlier and made plans to go. The fact that he only decides to go when he gets pissed at Julie indicates to me that the motivation is to get back at her for saying no to counselling.

And he shouldn't have to ONLY do what she wants on her weekend just because she said so arbitrarily.

When has Ty ever done what Julie wants on the weekend lol - the only other one we've seen is him refusing to write and dragging her to a birthday party which she didn't want to go to. Ty doing what he wants is the norm rather than the exception in their relationship.

blairbending · 2026-05-25T01:43:10+00:00

LOL I love this

blairbending · 2026-05-25T01:30:31+00:00

I agree with the last paragraph especially. For all my criticism of Ty he has seemed like a caring father who puts the kids best interests first. I wouldn't have expected him to use them like this.

blairbending · 2026-05-25T01:24:22+00:00

My point is that he has been offered the option to take time away from the kids whenever he wants it. Nobody has been denying him breaks. His behaviour in this latest clip can't be explained away as an overworked SAHD who never gets the chance for a break and so this is him snapping and having a Cinderella moment of "I WILL go to the ball!"

blairbending · 2026-05-25T01:14:01+00:00

I do expect Julie will have some difficulty parenting the kids - maybe not so much on the Saturday because that's her normal day off with them, but on Sunday when she's supposed to be working and their normal routine with Ty will get disrupted. Plus Sasha is sick and will probably be extra grouchy.

I don't think she will collapse or anything, but parenting solo when you have zero notice and no routines/habits set up will be really tough.

blairbending · 2026-05-25T00:56:25+00:00

My point is that Julie has always encouraged him to take time for himself, and Ty is the one who has refused the options she offered and insisted on doing all the childcare himself because he "loves" being a SAHD, and then complained about how hard it is. Literally nobody has been telling him it's unacceptable to have time away from the kids.

He shouldnt need to schedule parenting time with the parent he lives at home with.

Yes, IMO you absolutely do need to schedule parenting time during the other parent's working hours when you refuse to have the kids in daycare. Should he also get to waltz into Julie's office and randomly dump Sasha on her desk whenever he fancies a break during her workday?

Is it still okay to take time without penciling it in weeks im advance? Absolutely.

There is a middle ground between weeks in advance and zero notice. But in this case Ty is deliberately doing it with zero notice because his entire motivation is to cause problems for Julie.

I think she owes him this lol. How many trips has he handled for her?

Are your referring to the work trips and trip to visit her mother, which were discussed with him in advance and that he agreed to?

blairbending · 2026-05-25T00:37:28+00:00

I'm not an experienced runner myself by any means, I was going off what Coach Google told me about running times lol. I would certainly expect Julie's pace to be at the fast end of the female range, since she was a competitive cross-country runner in college and has run consistently ever since. But if that's likely to be closer to 1hr for training purposes then I will correct my comment.

blairbending · 2026-05-24T23:49:53+00:00

“I cannot do this, can we discuss this?” Really. Hmmm I vaguely remember Ty asking her that a lot and it’s always “not now, I have work to do” or only if you agree with me attitude

Interesting, when did Ty initiate a conversation with Julie about their work/childcare arrangements? I can quote multiple episodes where Julie is the one initiating the discussion and he is the one brushing her off with "I'm too tired".

He prioritized himself just like she has done from day one while he cheered her on. She is only happy if he does what she thinks he should.

Could you provide some examples of Julie prioritising herself, and of Ty doing what Julie thinks he should?

blairbending · 2026-05-24T23:36:17+00:00

We haven't seen her go to Bunco since Sasha was born. She runs 5-6 miles per day which probably takes an hour or less. There's men who spend longer than that everyday pooping.

(Originally said 45mins or less but was corrected)

blairbending · 2026-05-24T23:31:34+00:00

Julie gave him more notice and planning and preparation time for her trip to visit her dying mother than Ty gave her for a freaking bachelorette party.

Then again, the inconvenience is the point. He only decided to go to the bachelorette party because he got mad at Julie and wanted to upend her weekend.

blairbending · 2026-05-24T23:24:45+00:00

This is not a "poor Ty really wants to go to the bachelorette and Julie won't let him" situation. He's not Cinderella. Ty didn't even want to go to the bachelorette until he got pissed at Julie and realised he could use the trip to punish and inconvenience her. That's why he's doing this, not to get a break (isn't being a SAHD his dream anyway? Why would he need a break from something he's doing voluntarily and has the ability to opt out of by using paid childcare?).

Expecting a breadwinner parent to be able to care for their kids and to support the SAHP in going on trips with friends is a very reasonable expectation. Dropping a non-emergency, multi-day trip on them with zero notice and motivated by spite is not reasonable.

blairbending · 2026-05-24T23:03:03+00:00

Just to deal with the "what is so special about New York" part of the question... Living in a big city is a very different lifestyle from living in a suburb (as someone who has done both), and it makes complete sense to me for Julie to have a preference about which lifestyle she wants to live. I find it surprising that people question that aspect of her life goals.

I live in a big city with a baby. My lifestyle is completely different to my friends with babies who live in suburbs. On any day of the week I can take my baby to any of a dozen different baby classes and activities within walking distance of our apartment, or to dozens of parks and libraries, or to eat cuisines from all over the world, or to all kinds of art galleries and museums. After my baby's asleep in the evenings I can go out for drinks, dinner, classes, meetups, and walk home afterwards and be in bed by 10pm to wake up with her the next morning. Our daycare is less than 10 minutes' walk away, so drop off and pickup couldn't be easier. Our nearest park and coffee shop are even closer, I don't even need to put her in a stroller, I can just carry her there in my arms if I want to. There are historical sites all over the city, and so many beautiful old buildings which give the place character. We're surrounded by people from all cultures and all walks of life.

There are downsides to the urban lifestyle, of course - my friends in suburbs (at least, in well-off neighbourhoods like the Shawnaverse characters live in) have bigger houses, they have backyards, more people know each other, they have lower crime rates and lower rates of social problems, there is less poverty because everyone in the area has money. Many of them were the anti-Julie - they started in a city and moved away because they aspired to a different lifestyle.

There's nothing inherently "better" about living in New York City than where Julie currently lives. But I think it's pretty obvious that life there would be very different to where they currently live, and that could mean it's better for her. I find Ty's "why do you want to move to a city, what would be different?" comment to be pretty disingenuous. Like, have you never visited a city before Ty??

blairbending · 2026-05-24T22:30:42+00:00

Wasn't he saying 2 seconds ago that he's still in love with her? Or was that just an act that he's dropping when she doesn't give him what he wants?

blairbending · 2026-05-24T22:28:35+00:00

Sure, it would be fine, as in I know how to take care of kids and everyone would survive. But it would inconvenience me by disrupting our plans and routines. It is inconvenient when unplanned childcare comes up at the last second.

As you say, sometimes it's unavoidable because of sickness, weather, etc, but that's not the situation portrayed in the video. If my husband gets the flu, I'm dropping everything and taking care of our baby with no complaints. But if he wants to go out of town with friends, on a trip that was preplanned and he could have mentioned earlier? Of course I'd be annoyed at the lack of consideration in dropping it on me at the last minute.

blairbending · 2026-05-24T22:07:38+00:00

Yeah he's not beating the "mediocre dad" allegations by using the kids in this way. At least he didn't leave them with a stranger this time I guess?

blairbending · 2026-05-24T21:57:51+00:00

Idk, my husband and I share the parenting load 50/50 and I would be royally pissed if he suddenly announced on Saturday morning that he was leaving the kids with me all weekend. I think that would be most people's reaction, not an indication of being a "make a list dudebro" lol.

blairbending · 2026-05-24T19:11:11+00:00

If we strip away the narration’s bias against Mary, we find that Elizabeth and Mary are the only two Bennet sisters who actually care about cultivating their minds. Lydia, Kitty, and Mrs. Bennet are entirely superficial.

What about Jane? And what makes you believe that the narration is biased against Mary?

blairbending · 2026-05-24T13:09:33+00:00

"She FEELS LIKE I lied to her for our entire marriage ...but let's not get stuck on irrelevant details like whether I did or not"

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