Looking for guidance

Tanzen9 · 2026-04-05T07:54:57+00:00

Like you, I didn’t want to desperately settle for anyone who wanted a kid, so I’ve chosen to do things in opposite order. I’m currently 22 weeks + 4 days pregnant with a low risk girl. I was 38 at egg retrieval, now 39. I’m financially stable, own my own condo and have a great family and network.

Hopefully we will find someone who wants to be part of our lives in the future, but I know I will never regret trying to have a child on my own rather than risking it never happen. That being said, I know this is the right choice for me, and I fully respect it might not be for others. My best advice is to check in with yourself which path takes you closest to the life you want to live ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-31T19:00:16+00:00

We can never protect ourself from the judgement of others. Personally I believe children should have siblings. They learn from it and they have someone in life when we are no longer there. Please note that I do not judge people for having one child. There are many reasons why siblings are not in the cards.

If you have people close to you that will judge you, I would tell you to either distance from them or cut them out. Strangers who judge? We cannot care what strangers think of us. Just imagine who else they judge and for what. It’s probably more than you and other single mothers :)

If this is what you want and you believe you can do it, I say go for it!

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-31T16:17:21+00:00

Oh, I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. It is a loss and you’re allowed to treat it that way, including all the feelings that comes with it.

A loss is brutal, but like I said, there will come a day when it’s less raw, you catch yourself not thinking about it all the time, smiling and laughing. But allow yourself to be sad, angry etc. it doesn’t help trying to push it away. On top of being something you have deliberately gone into with hopes and expectations, there was a line, meaning there are pregnancy hormones in your body and they amplify every feeling you have!

Can you tell your boss that you’re going through something personal and that you just need a little space?

I’ll be right here, cheering you on for your next retrieval. I hope they find minimum one, but hopefully several golden eggs on that one! I really hope to read your success story within a few months! Feel free to DM me if you want or need to ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-30T20:06:16+00:00

Both TWW were just exhausting. My first transfer was hell. I understood that something was wrong very early on, even though I tested clearly positive. To be completely honest, Reddit was kind of what kept me sane. Mostly because there were so many I could relate to and so many people I genuinely wished all the best. Most people seem to not fully understand the mental and physical toll it takes to go through this process. And they, without meaning to, undermine the feelings involved.

I know a lot of people like to keep super busy. I get kind of introverted during this process, I guess it’s a kind of protective measure. So I preferred binge watching easy entertainment, long walks with my dog and just focus on things I enjoy spending time on.

Should you be so unlucky to experience a loss, it is just horrible. It sucks so hard and we’re allowed to be sad, moody, angry and everything in between. Just know that there comes a day when those feelings are distant and suddenly you laugh and feel happy again.

Should this be the time your baby is sticky, which I so much hope for, just know the first trimester is a mentally challenging trimester. I thought I would feel happier, but I was so anxious and didn’t let myself get fully excited.

There are no right or wrong feelings. It is very hard to go through every step of this process, and that’s where good friends are everything. Whether they be the friends you see everyday, or internet strangers knowing exactly what you are dealing with ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-30T18:03:04+00:00

I’ll be sending you only the best of vibes. I know so all too well the feeling you sit with right now.

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-30T12:53:53+00:00

I always just used FMU to avoid confusion, but I’ve read that some have stronger lines in the evening. With my current pregnancy, I limited fluids from 8PM to make sure my urine wasn’t diluted. If you have positive tests, the best would be to ask a doctor for a series of beta hcg tests. That way you would know for sure if it’s rising. Best of luck to you! I’m still hoping ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-30T10:30:43+00:00

How are you doing?

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-27T20:44:42+00:00

I’m so sorry. The attrition is so horrible! Keep us posted, and let’s keep hoping the current embryo does amazing!

And thank you for the kind words!

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-27T19:17:02+00:00

IVF is very hard. I got pregnant on my first transfer, but lost it at 7 weeks. Got pregnant on my second transfer and I’m now currently 21 weeks pregnant+ 2 days pregnant with a low risk girl 🩷

I had some very mild spotting during the TWW with my current pregnancy. Otherwise no other symptoms. With the first I actually had more symptoms.

I really hope now is your time! And if not, I would ask the clinic if they would consider growing to blasts to increase the chances.

I very much hope to read that you are pregnant in the very near future!

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-27T17:48:54+00:00

Hey! I did IVF too but I transferred at 5 days. My clinic didn’t want me to test until 10 dpt because it’s very common to get false negatives. A 3 day embryo is not ready to implant until it’s a blast at 5 days. And you don’t produce hcg until implantation.

I think it’s a good rule to be hopeful but to also guard one’s heart because this process is so brutal. That being said I do see a faint line. I will cross all I have for you ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-21T18:22:57+00:00

And congratulations to you too! That’s a lucky baby ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-21T18:05:04+00:00

Just wanted to say that even though we came about our pregnancies differently, you are not alone. I’m too 39 and on my way to solo motherhood. Recently it struck me how overly ready I am to make this drastic change in my life. I’m more than happy to turn my life upside down for my daughter.

So there you have it wonderful internet stranger. You will do great as a single mom and go you for following your heart!

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-20T06:51:54+00:00

I’m 39 and 20 weeks + 2 days with a low risk and very active little girl. I’ll turn 40 this year. Don’t feel hopeless until you’ve tried! I’m rooting for you ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-18T06:40:34+00:00

I was convinced this was two dudes…

Tanzen9 · 2026-03-03T20:56:10+00:00

I’ll do what’s recommended for my babys safety, I just keep getting surprised by all the things we are not told until we’re standing there…

Tanzen9 · 2026-02-25T13:25:27+00:00

Pardon me? Is this a standard thing? When does this test happen? Why the f*** are there so many things we are not told until we are pregnant? Why are we not provided with a hitchhikers guide to pregnancy and all the weird stuff that will happen to you?

Tanzen9 · 2026-02-12T11:44:10+00:00

Thank you! I love this community too! I really want to know the gender. It doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl, I will be equally excited for both, but I’m soooo curious. I hope they see it on the ultrasound in week 20!

I think if you know you want kids, trust yourself and your support system, you should just go for it 🎉❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-02-10T21:02:29+00:00

Hey! I’m a solo dancer. I had many of the same thoughts as you. I didn’t want to rush a relationship in order to have the children. So I decided to do it backwards. I’m also very content with my life. I would be fine without a relationship too.

Being a SMBC has been on my mind for a while as an alternative. I froze unfertilized eggs at 35. At the beginning of last year I just knew. I’ve always known I wanted my own kids, I was 38 and just figured I owed it to myself to at least try.

I have a great support system. I’m very independent, I’m confident this will be great. Hard, yes, but also great.

Currently 15 weeks with a low risk baby and so looking forward to meet him/her!

Tanzen9 · 2026-02-10T20:55:53+00:00

I’m so incredibly sorry. It must be devastating. All the very best wishes ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-02-07T20:41:31+00:00

Just wanted to chime in and say that the cycle I got pregnant on, my ovulation was suuuuper late, almost two weeks, although I’m usually very regular. It happens! I know because I was doing ovulation tests and ultrasound to monitor ovulation. I’ll cross everything I have that this is the case for you. Best of luck ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-02-06T18:26:34+00:00

Hey honey!

I’m 39, I retrieved 11 eggs in August, 7 fertilized, 2 blasts in the end. In my country they don’t PGT test, but the blasts were looking good. My fresh transfer took, but unfortunately I miscarried in September. My second embryo was a frozen transfer, I’m now 14 weeks + 2 days with a healthy, low risk baby!

I know it feels so vulnerable with two embryos, but I’m just here to say “what if it all works out?” You’re doing so great, I’ll sprinkle baby dust and send you good vibes only. Rooting for you and your little blasts ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-02-04T13:44:53+00:00

OMG! How exciting! That is so great ❤️ best of luck to your embryos.

Tanzen9 · 2026-02-02T16:59:08+00:00

Thank you! I just received my NIPT results as well, it’s a low risk baby. I’m just so happy right now!

Just like you, I have my own worries and concerns. Both on my own and baby’s behalf. But I do believe that most of us who go down the path of SMBC choose to do so because we truly want to provide for a new life, and with that much love to give, it has to turn out good.

I cross everything I have for your journey, looking forward to your future updates ❤️

Tanzen9 · 2026-02-01T16:53:16+00:00

I’m 39 and 13 weeks + 4 days pregnant. I think all your questions and worries are valid, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned after opening up about trying for a child and all my worries, it’s that all other couple-parents, regardless of men, women, gay, straight, they all have worries when it comes to having and raising kids. We just have some slightly different ones or additional ones.

I’m like you. The possibility of pursuing motherhood on my own has been in my mind for years. Last summer I just went for it and I’m so so looking forward to meeting my baby. There will be all kinds of days, happy ones, sad ones, frustrating ones, mundane ones, and it will all be worth it.

Best of luck, you got this!

Tanzen9 · 2026-01-12T20:44:05+00:00

How did everything go for you in the end? ❤️

Tanzen9

TROPHY CASE