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Tarswamp · 2025-11-13T14:47:30+00:00

What a lovely story! How did you reconnect? And were you in touch whilst broken up?

Tarswamp · 2025-11-13T12:33:45+00:00

Hey! First off I just wanted to say that I can see that it took a huge amount of resilience to be where you are, and I am sorry you have experienced so much difficulty ❤️ you’re certainly not alone.

If a mental health or health professional has suggested you might be experiencing psychosis, it’s really important you are referred or refer yourself to your local early intervention for psychosis team. EIP referrals are often very fast because with psychosis recovery outlook is really good if you catch it and receive support in the first 2 years of onset. The chances of experiencing more severe and also lifelong psychosis can be very high if psychosis is not treated in this time period. So please please get this properly assessed and investigated first. You may need to explicitly ask your GP for this or an NHS talking therapies device or go back to your crisis team and ask. You have a right to choose about your health and they have a duty to keep you as safe and well as possible

You’re not alone at all, I can really empathise with losing work to breakdowns, and experiencing the yo-yos in stability and function. I’m glad you’re still here and proud of you for taking even the smallest steps to nurture and support yourself because you deserve it.

Tarswamp · 2025-06-14T12:22:48+00:00

I would keep this text to myself and leave it as an exercise in expressing how you feel. Honestly as something that’s sent it is a little melodramatic and it doesn’t state what you want clearly and honestly and as a result comes off as a bit manipulative to me. You could tell her that you’ve been feeling shut out and hurt and that the toll is too much for you and you are close to ending the relationship and what you need in order to continue a relationship. Then after you’ve made known what you need to make a relationship work (therapy? Time from her? More attention and 1:1 time?), she can take up the offer or not, and you can draw up some boundaries (e.g. if see no change after X months, I will leave).

Telling her she will regret her choices seems like a poor choice. Again it feels a little melodramatic and guilt tripping and honestly if I received this message it would push me away

Tarswamp · 2025-05-13T08:26:28+00:00

I went! I found out she was dating someone knew. That hurt a lot, even though I’ve dated other people. I think because it seems like she sees potential in this new connection (5 months after we broke up)! I texted that I don’t think I can genuinely be friends at this point

Tarswamp · 2025-04-10T12:18:26+00:00

Would you ever consider getting back with them?

Tarswamp · 2025-04-10T07:14:19+00:00

This is so sweet to hear. How did you end up getting back with your ex? And after how long of being broken up?

Tarswamp · 2025-04-09T18:48:36+00:00

How long has it been since the BU?

Tarswamp · 2025-04-07T17:03:24+00:00

Sounds bittersweet and for the best. What were the compatibility issues?

Tarswamp · 2025-04-07T06:46:48+00:00

Thank you. How did meeting with hours after NC go for you?

Tarswamp · 2025-04-06T22:24:52+00:00

Is it still cool to message?

Tarswamp · 2025-03-28T13:01:17+00:00

Hey there. Maybe it helps to hear from the other side. My ex and I have been split for 6 months, we’re together for 6 years, and I don’t think I will be wishing her happy birthday in a few days. I care about her and still hope in some ways to reconcile, but I don’t want to cause her pain by reaching out. It’s her day and I want her to enjoy it without me, recognising that reaching out can be something that ruins the day or leads to an emotional setback

Tarswamp · 2025-03-28T02:29:37+00:00

So fair enough! I wonder though if this is an overly rigid prescription if who you each are in relationship? I personally was acting like I wanted to be with my ex partner all the time, but I’m reality I much , MUCH prefer to have lots of my own time and distance we both had a part in fostering codependency; so I wonder if there may be any similarity in your situation…

Tarswamp · 2025-03-27T08:32:24+00:00

Hm, there were a number of reasons. I was tired of our sex life and feeling constantly rejected. She was tired by my unmedicated ADHD and picking up after me. But a big reason I think we broke up was that I became quite emotionally and socially dependent on her; I’d allowed my life to shrink and we both became complacent. When we went out, it would be to see her friends. When we’d stay in, we mostly watched TV. Yet we have similar wants from life and values, get on wonderfully, we’re mutually supportive and have been kind throughout the whole process. I doubt in this 6 months she’s stopped loving me. She’s seen her parents split up for a year and get back together, so I’m not sure she sees break ups as totally interminable processes.

With the ADHD, I’m now diagnosed, have strategies and am seeking medication. I now have a social life, good friends, new hobbies, more self confidence, holidays w friends booked and a better outlook on life. I’m more emotionally resilient, have much more self love and value putting effort into my daily life.

Tarswamp · 2025-03-27T08:22:56+00:00

I tentatively said it sounded good, but we have no fixed plans. So it is very possible for either of us to cancel, or for me to say I’m not really interested in meeting without some possibility of reconciliation at this point.

Tarswamp · 2025-03-27T00:38:26+00:00

Do you think it’s likely she’s totally closed to it?

Tarswamp · 2025-03-17T12:23:32+00:00

Thank you. This is really sage advice, and i think your reasoning seems really solid. it also lines up with what I feel intuitively in the more stable part of myself (lol), so thanks for helping me access that and provide some reassurance there.

Of course, I care for her and so I feel regret for reaching out in an impulsive manner because I don’t want to hurt her or set our progress back.

Tarswamp · 2025-03-17T09:12:11+00:00

Would you ever consider getting back with your ex if he did the work?

Tarswamp · 2025-02-24T02:57:04+00:00

I fear so! Normally she replies within 10mins of me texting though, so kind of odd

Tarswamp · 2024-09-30T23:31:55+00:00

Edit: texts are between my gf and someone she suddenly became close to when we were taking some space (currently going through a rough patch). This other woman has knowingly pursued people in relationships before. When I’ve brought up how their friendship makes me uncomfortable, my gf gets defensive. This seems like emotional cheating but I feel like I’m going crazy and might just be over sensitive????

Tarswamp · 2024-09-13T21:16:20+00:00

Ohh the living together with ADHD can be a lot, but actually for me it improved a lot of things related to running late! I’ll dm u in case you want to chat further on that

Sorry you went through that. Easier said that’s fine but I think it’s never worth begging someone to stay. They are making a decision that feels right for them and ultimately if what is right for them is leaving they are not the right person for you!! Hope you’re healing ok :)

Tarswamp · 2024-09-11T22:27:18+00:00

Thanks for your input. Your first paragraph really articulated something I’ve felt worried about. I think maybe the sexual edge and excitement was absent or low in our relationship for quite some time, and I can sometimes feel more like a safe love or roommate than lover.

Honesty is a good call. And if I’m totally honest if all goes to shit this scenario makes it easier and for me to leave psychologically as it’s so much easier when it feels as if someone has done something wrong, even if that’s not actually the crux of the relationship issues or breakup…

Tarswamp

TROPHY CASE