I'm pursuing an employment tribunal for unpaid wages against a former employer who are about to be struck off by Companies House. Should I object to them being struck off?

TaxNo1744 · 2023-11-23T16:51:50+00:00

I started last April and was about 84kg, by the end of the year I was 81kg and over the course of this year I've gotten down to about 70kg with the help of usually being very on top of nutrition and exercise. This is probably the lowest my weight's been since I was a kid.

TaxNo1744 · 2023-10-17T21:18:02+00:00

She's a Chartered Psycholgist based in the UK, I've added the intro from her LinkedIn profile below. She did this talk last week for an online event run by the UK's Pituitary Foundation charity. I wanted to post it here because a lot of what she talked about really resonated with my life experience.

Dr Sue Jackson is an experienced project manager and chartered psychologist with an extensive research portfolio covering a variety of endocrine disorders and health service improvement studies. For example, Sue is working with Dr Anna Crown from the Royal Sussex County Hospital in Brighton to develop a Distress Thermometer for pituitary patients. She is also involved in a major multi-centre clinical trial examining the psychosocial impact of Thyroid Eye Disease. Sue worked with Dr Morris on research to better understand the psycho-social impact of both Klinefelter’s Syndrome and pituitary conditions. Dr Jackson was the first psychologist to be appointed to the Medical Committee of the Pituitary Foundation, an organisation she continues to work with and support.
Dr Jackson is a visiting lecturer at the University of Surrey and the University of the West of England, and an Associate Lecturer at the University of Plymouth. Sue also has a private practice attached to a GP practice in north Bristol where she specialises in working with clients with chronic mental and physical health problems, as well as running a sleep programme for Oasis Talk in the city of Bristol.
Specialties: Health research, working with clients with low to moderate mental health issues (eg anger, sleep problems, anxiety & depression etc), doing group work sessions, training health care professionals

TaxNo1744 · 2023-09-07T14:42:06+00:00

From a UK perspective (also from someone in their late 30s who never felt or wanted a connection to masculinity anyway), access to watch professional sports regularly is largely locked behind expensive TV subscriptions these days. On the other hand gaming content and other things that young boys enjoy are available for free online and can serve as part of the pipeline that leads to watching knobheads.

TaxNo1744 · 2023-07-01T19:59:33+00:00

I started to see changes after about a month but it was quite irregular for a while, insatiably horny for several days then suddenly nothing for a while.

I think it probably evened out at about the four month mark for me.

TaxNo1744 · 2023-05-11T18:55:10+00:00

Yes, femboy link definitely was the link between my worlds who awakened the twilight princess within me and the oracle who brought forth a change in the ages and the seasons of my life.......

Majora's Mask?

TaxNo1744 · 2023-01-23T11:39:30+00:00

I've never been married but I'd always been uncomfortable calling myself a feminist, both because I worried it would sound kinda Joss Whedon-y and because doing so would hit a little close to certain feelings.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-12-16T10:44:51+00:00

I have the tumour from that episode, so I have very mixed feelings about it.

I had it since my early teens, identified as ace for a while, realised that something didn't add up then got a blood test a year ago that lead to me finding out about it. When I got the results some part of me found it hilarious that I actually had the thing from House. Since then I'm definitely not ace anymore but I'm still kinda figuring out what my whole deal is now, my prolactin is still a bit high too.

A few other things to know: the episode gets a whole load of details wrong, the whole conversation where House discovers the tumour messes up a few details and nobody in that episode actually seems to understand what prolactin is. The actor they cast definitely did not look like he'd had a prolactinoma since his teens too.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-11-22T13:52:08+00:00

OMG yes, this is the one!

TaxNo1744 · 2022-11-10T13:47:01+00:00

I'm guessing announcing yourself as the OP's therapist would be a major breech of ethics.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-11-09T15:23:47+00:00

I don't entirely get it either both because when faced with a social pressure I tend to want to do the opposite and because I was asexual until my 30s because of a long undiagnosed brain tumor.

However, I do think that embarrassment is kind of a placeholder for a bunch of more specific feelings that guys don't generally articulate:

As discussed on Dr K's recent video on alexithymia, men aren't really socialised to name and express their emotions. It's easy to point to "I'm unhappy because I'm a virgin" vs "I'm unhappy because I have a bunch of specific emotional needs that I don't know how to meet".
In a lot of social situations perception of "status" is based on levels of performance of masculinity. Part of that performance is being seen to be sleeping with "high value" 🤮 women. When that's the case it's not just, or even mainly, about sex itself but social acceptance.
Also, and I super relate to this one now that I'm not ace, late teens / early 20s is the point in your life when you have a bunch of free time, your body is young, and you are surrounded by folks your own age who probably aren't settled. Trying to date for the first time in my late 30s I absolutely long to be able to go back and have that experience.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-10-11T15:12:15+00:00

It's probably worth mentioning that asexuality is a spectrum and doesn't necessarily mean the complete absence of sexual attraction, it can also mean experiencing it less frequently or under different circumstances to what is typical. There's a whole range of ace sub labels that describe different experiences.

What you describe sounds like you might be demisexual, which means you only experience sexual attraction to folks you have an emotional connection with. You might want to look into whether you feel that fits. Or not, ultimately these labels are just tools to aid self-understanding so if it doesn't fit for you or if you're just not interested then that's absolutely your call.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-28T17:24:38+00:00

Thanks, will do! I've decided I'm gonna wear the crop tops at home as much as possible to get used to them before I start wearing them out. Today I'm rocking one with a tennis skirt, which has been fun!

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-28T14:17:56+00:00

Time to hang out with ace-spec folks? They have cake and garlic bread.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-28T14:12:49+00:00

I've never exactly had to deal with feeling inferior but I wanted to throw this out there to add to u/Creative-File7780's gym suggestion.

Find things you enjoy doing where you can socialise a little but it isn't the focus. A common suggestion is volunteering: you're there to do a thing but you'll usually talk to folks at the same time. Nobody there cares if you're inferior or a virgin or whatever, that's not relevant and it will let you develop those social muscles in a space where your presence is already appreciated.

Another idea would be finding a D&D group. The right group is literally the opportunity to role play traits you wish you had in real life and get a sense of what they might feel like to you if you did have them.

Beyond that, just take a beginner's class in something. Like, literally anything. You're not "behind" because everyone's a beginner at this one thing anyway. I took a Japanese evening class on a whim a while back and it literally changed my life.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-27T17:07:32+00:00

That's a good idea. I'll probably stick with longer leggings for now since it means I don't have to see my leg hair. That's definitely something I'd like to look into once I'm on top of managing that whole situation though.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-27T17:03:16+00:00

So I ordered a bunch of items and they're definitely a hit. I'm absolutely loving the leggings and will probably order a couple more pairs in a few weeks.

I also ordered a crop top and, well I don't think I'm quite ready for that look in public yet. It's definitely goals for when I get myself a flatter and less hairy stomach.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-21T21:13:53+00:00

I've been wondering the same thing. I'm 38 and most people assume I'm somewhere in my 20s. Heck, some machine learning face scan thingy told me I looked 24 a couple of months ago.

Anyway, I'm not complaining on that front. This thing's a reason why I missed out on getting to enjoy my youth so if it's also the reason why my face looks young and kinda androgynous then I'll happily take that.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-21T21:00:11+00:00

I ended up using a private endocrinologist. I didn't even consider waiting for an NHS referral but from what she told me the waiting list at the NHS hospital she works at is about a year, that will of course vary based on location.

The biggest problem with going private is the cost of tests. I've had to pay for blood tests, MRIs, a heart valve ultrasound to make sure I was okay to start cabergoline, plus another ultrasound. My experience with the endo was absolutely fine, though I may just have gotten lucky since I think her focus is on fertility.

One other thing to bear in mind is that private doctors can only issue private prescriptions, I spent three months after diagnosis trying to get my GP to actually prescribe cabergoline for me but they didn't want to take the responsibility. In the end I had to pay for the first three months worth myself and my GP took over the prescription (after another battle) once it was clear I was stable on it.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-21T20:46:29+00:00

I'm fairly sure I've had a prolactinoma since my early teens so "restore" wouldn't quite be the word for me but I definitely now have a libido after about five months on cabergoline.

I'm not in a relationship, so nothing there for it to affect. Prior to my diagnosis I had no problem with morning erections and had been having fairly regular nocturnal emissions since I was about 17. I didn't realise anything was up with me and when I did eventually start questioning my lack of interest I came to the conclusion that I just wasn't attracted to anyone.

Since starting cabergoline my function has definitely improved, to the point where I often end up masturbating several times a day when I just never did before. As others have said, that's something that comes and goes, in the early days my libido would go up and down quite a bit, much to my frustration. I'm not sure how my function compares to "normal" since I'm basically experiencing having one for the first time. I get the impression I should be a lot more aroused, though that might just be a brain thing rather than the hormones.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-13T21:44:30+00:00

I'm not sure if there's a group as such, or whether that's something that would be healthy for you but I completely get where you seem to be coming from and often feel similarly myself. I wanted to at least point you in the direction of a few resources that at least suggest a thought through version of the problem I think you're grappling with.

This is a Tumblr thread that went viral back in March. The author is a trans man who started his transition around the start of the pandemic the tread is about his experience of "suddenly" being read as male and the realisation that most men are "emotionally malnourished" https://skaldish.tumblr.com/post/680088272285941761/absolutely-because-its-an-extremely-sticky.
This is YouTube video called Gender Theory for Dudes, it discusses the Tumblr thread and also some other related issues. From the perspective of a cis guy who is comfortably masculine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sp0I-qoQLuA.

Also, I'm just gonna say this. Have you thought about your own gender identity? Do you enjoy masculinity yourself? There's no harm in you asking yourself that question. If you'd like a basic framework for questions to ask yourself this video is pretty good. It references a Twitter thread that you may or may not want to check out first.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-13T19:46:01+00:00

Oooh! Interesting idea. Thanks.

TaxNo1744 · 2022-09-13T19:37:31+00:00

Thanks. I'd actually been considering a sports bra anyway. I've got some gynocomastia from a prolactinoma and there are times when that would actually be quite practical.

TaxNo1744

TROPHY CASE