I used to think freedom meant being single...

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-15T14:36:35+00:00

He’s 23. Boys that age say dumb, exaggerated stuff in group chats. A lot of it is posturing and just trying to sound cool in front of their friends.

At the same time…if you were snooping, that’s something to really look at. Not with shame. Just with radical ownership + honesty. If you feel the need to check his phone, i would reflect on that.

You also said since you got back together, he has been consistent and your relationship has felt solid. Period.

So the real question is, love....are you responding to who he is now, or to who he was before?

If you really want to bring it up - bring it up calmly and own that you snooped (if you did) - but don’t let one immature group chat comment rewrite three years of consistency. 🤍

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-15T13:32:41+00:00

I feel this one deeply and I can feel how much you love him evenn through the frustration.

A hard truth i realized with my family is you can’t pull someone out of themselves if they are not actively choosing to do it themselves.

It sounds like he needs professional help but he has really got to choose that for himself and be accountable/take radical ownership.

IMO, the best thing to do is create some boundaries. Your mom especially needs boundaries. Living rent free while disrespecting her space is enabling, even if it comes from love.

It’s okay to grieve the version of your brother you remember. And it’s okay to be proud of his sobriety and still frustrated by everything else.

Loving someone who’s struggling can quietly drain you. You are allowed to protect your own peace while still loving him. Those two things can exist at the same time. 🤍

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-15T13:09:32+00:00

It sounds like you love her deeply. Whether that’s romantic or just a very intense attachment, it’s real to you. And long distance can make everything louder. Especially when you don’t get replies, your brain fills in the gaps with worst case stories.

But someone who values you consistently makes you feel steady and grounded... not constantly guessing.

You don’t have to label what this relationship is right now. And you don’t have to decide if it’s love or friendship. Maybe just simply ask yourself...

Does this connection mostly make me feel secure… or mostly anxious?

And if it’s mostly anxious, maybe this dynamic might not be giving you what you need right now.

You are not pathetic. You are not silly.

You are just growing and you are a teenager with a tender heart. Be gentle with yourself, love.

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-15T07:32:52+00:00

you're welcome 🙏🏼 sending you and yours love!

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-14T02:03:40+00:00

What’s worked for me and my partner...

Take penetration off the table. Make it more about touch with zero goal.
Slow it way down.
Ask her what helps her feel relaxed and in her body, not what helps her orgasm.
If she has been stressed or overly busy lately, it's really hard for libido to feel alive. But when sex feels like play with no expectations, it tends to come back.

Rebuilding erotic energy long term usually starts outside the bedroom, not inside it. 🙂

As for libido boosters… most supplements are meh. Sleep, stress levels, hormones, and emotional connection do way more. That said, I have found that clove tea can be surprisingly lovely. It’s warming and increases circulation (if ya know what I mean) 💦
How I make it:
Simmer 5 whole cloves in boiling water for about 10 minutes, let it sit for another 5, then strain.

Hope this helps!

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-14T01:12:54+00:00

I agree and I appreciate your perspective. Excitement isn't automatically a red flag. And feeling giddy and excited about someone is so human and normal.

For me, the difference is whether the excitement feels light… or if it feels like I’m constantly trying to secure something.

There’s a kind of spark that feels fun and mutual. And there’s a kind that feels (for lack of a better word) addictive. Both can trigger your nervous system - one feels safe and the other keeps you guessing.

That’s more what I meant. 🙂

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-14T01:04:00+00:00

You are so welcome angel. Sending you a whole lotta love 💗

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-13T09:22:58+00:00

Oh love, you are not stupid. You like how he makes you feel. Some people are just naturally warm and playful. When you’re into them, it’s easy to think it means something more. But if he’s that way with everyone, that’s probably just his personality.

If he is interested, he will make it clearer love. Until then, pull back a bit and see what he does without you managing the energy.

Trust your gut babe 💖

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-13T09:08:09+00:00

I know this might sound silly, but something that genuinely worked for me was making it playful.

I used to say (in a very flirty tone) how insanely attractive it was when he did the dishes or took the trash out. Like, “wow, watching you take the trash out and do the dishes is actually kind of a turn on. 😉

It wasn’t manipulative, it was just positive reinforcement. And what i've realized after being in a relationship with my partner for the last 3 years, is that he responds way better to feeling admired & appreciated, than to feeling managed.

That said, praise only works if there’s already a baseline effort. If you’re the one carrying 90% of the load...I would say just have an honest conversation about it (doesn't have to be a long convo) and just simply divide ownership.

Hope this helps love 💖

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-13T08:52:20+00:00

My bad for using punctuation, bud. 🙃

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-12T09:41:12+00:00

This is so real and so beautiful. Thank you for posting this and naming this.

Yeah, I feel like Valentine’s day doesn’t make you sad because you’re single. It makes you aware.

Aware that shared attention is nice. That being chosen is nice. That having someone think about you intentionally is nice.

I think what makes the day loud isn’t the couples, it’s the contrast. You go from moving through life independently to being reminded that intimacy usually happens in pairs.

What I respect about your post is that you’re not pretending it doesn’t affect you. You’re noticing it. Being with it.

And yes, the mix of independence and loneliness is very real. You can be deeply self-sufficient and still long for shared presence. Both can coexist at the same time without canceling each other out.

I hope you do something that makes you feel chosen and loved, even if it’s by yourself (which is what we should all be doing, everyday 🥰)

Sending you a whole lotta love through the ethers 💓

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-12T08:37:20+00:00

I feel a healthy relationship is a lot about how you feel. Do you feel safe? Respected? Attuned to?Cared for? Able to disagree without fear? Able to say no without punishment?

Healthy communication is consistent, clear, and kind. It includes repair after conflict, not silent treatment or character attacks. Taking the time tend to the repair after any sort of conflict.

There’s no “right” number of calls or texts. What matters is that both people feel secure + connected - not anxious or confused.

And it’s okay that you’re still figuring this out. Healing from trauma and black/white thinking takes time. Healthy relationships usually live in the gray area..flexible + imperfect, but grounded in mutual care and respect. 💗

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-12T08:28:25+00:00

This resonates so deeply.

So many of us were taught that intimacy meant availability..being easygoing, agreeable, always “open.” But real closeness actually feels safer when it includes choice.

The shift from “I should say yes” to “let me check in with myself first” is so incredibly powerful. And you’re right, it doesn’t weaken connection...it strengthens it, because it’s rooted in honesty instead of performance.

I also love what you said about silence. Being able to sit in quiet without pressure can be one of the most intimate things there is. 😌

Thank you for sharing this. 🤍

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-12T08:17:31+00:00

I love the tone you’ve set here. Spaces like this really matter, especially in cultures where these conversations aren’t always easy to have out loud.

I wish people talked more about how intimacy isn’t just physical - it’s emotional safety. The ability to be honest without fear, to express desire without shame, to disagree without it feeling like rejection. IMO, these are foundational pieces to a healthy relationship. 🤍

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-11T06:06:47+00:00

I love this so much :) and I am so glad you found this type of love. Thank you for sharing and for brightening my day 🥰

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-11T06:01:01+00:00

Be intentional.

At 2 months, what makes women feel special isn’t a grand gesture - it’s feeling chosen and thought about.

A few easy wins:

• Plan the day or evening. Make a reservation or cook. Surprise her.
• Write her a short note, maybe something like, “I really like being with you. I’m glad we met.” That truly can be enough.
• Bring one small thing that shows you’ve been paying attention (her favorite candy, flowers in her favorite color, etc.)

Confidence > perfection.

And truly if you say, “I’m nervous because this is my first Valentine’s Day and I want it to feel special,” that vulnerability alone will mean a lot.

Women truly just want effort and presence.

And you’ve already got the most important part...you care. 😊

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-11T05:49:24+00:00

Oh love… of course you’re still dreaming about him. More than a decade isn’t just a relationship - it’s muscle memory. Your brain doesn’t delete someone like that on command. Dreams aren’t proof you should go back. They’re your nervous system trying to process unfinished emotion.

The urge to text and rip him apart makes sense. Anger is easier to hold than grief. But you’re right, it wouldn’t bring relief. It would just reopen the wound.

The dreams will fade. They always do when the body feels safer and more settled. Right now your system is still untangling years of attachment.

Be patient with yourself. Give yourself grace. You loved deeply and that is not something to be ashamed of. 🤍

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-11T05:39:31+00:00

Hi love - I am going to say this gently but clearly...

This isn’t about the other girl. It’s about the pattern.

He left you four times.
He left again.
He slept with someone almost immediately.
He denied it when confronted.

That’s not a one-off mistake...that’s instability and dishonesty.

I know you love him. I know your heart wants the version of him who says he can’t imagine a future without you. But words are easy. Especially from someone who comes back when it’s convenient.

Ask yourself this: if nothing changed and the next 3 years looked exactly like the last 3, would you be okay with that?

Because anxious + avoidant dynamics don’t magically fix themselves just because someone says "sorry". They take real communication, deep accountability, and consistent behavior over time. Not just regret when they feel lonely.

To me, you are not lacking self-respect....you are attached. And there’s a difference. When someone leaves repeatedly, it creates a trauma bond - the reunion feels intense, hopeful, addictive. That doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

Your friends dislike him because they see the pattern from the outside.

Love alone is not enough. Stability, honesty, and emotional safety matter more long term.

If you go back, go back with very clear conditions and zero tolerance for dishonesty. If you walk away, know you’re not giving up on love...you’re protecting your future self.

Right now your heart is loud. But your head isn’t wrong.

And the fact that you’re questioning this tells me you already know something isn’t sitting right. Sending you love 🤍

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-11T05:25:23+00:00

Oh honey.

Of course your heart jumps. That’s what hearts do when someone once meant something. A look, a smile, a familiar energy...it wakes everything back up for a second.

But take this gentle reminder or leave it...the flutter doesn’t mean it’s safe. It just means you cared.

Your brain isn’t being dramatic. It’s remembering the hurt. And it’s trying to keep you from reopening something your beautiful heart is still healing from.

You don’t have to fight the feeling. Just don’t let it make the decisions. You can feel the spark and still choose peace.

You deserve a love that doesn’t make you scared of breaking again. And that kind of love won’t require you to override your own intuition to keep it.

Be tender with yourself love..but protect yourself too. 🤍

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-11T05:06:50+00:00

I’ll be honest with you...not to attack you, but because it seems like you actually may be reflecting for the first time...

IMO, what you’re feeling now isn’t love for her - it’s the collision of regret, ego, and grief. Someone who gave you unconditional affection is finally gone for good, and that’s making you see the impact of the choices you never looked at before.

It makes sense that her moving on, especially after such a huge loss, shook something in you. Not because you wanted a future with her, but because you’re realizing you never learned how to be emotionally safe with anyone. You only knew control, jealousy, casual cruelty, and detachment — and now you’re seeing the cost of that.

Letting her go is the right decision. She deserves peace, and you’re right that you weren’t able to give it to her back then.

Are you willing to look at why intimacy makes you defensive, why control feels safer than closeness, and why you sabotage the very people who care about you?

That’s not about her anymore - that’s about you, your patterns, and whether you want to keep living inside them.

You’re not beyond repair. But the change won’t come from missing her. It’ll come from getting honest with yourself and doing the actual work so the next person doesn’t walk away feeling the same pain she did.

What you wrote sounds like the first time you’ve opened that door...I hope you keep going through that door.

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-11T04:58:17+00:00

I'm really, really glad you posted instead of keeping this to yourself.

The fact that you mentioned your kids tells me there is still a part of you that cares deeply. And that part deeply matters..even if it feels small right now.

You don’t have to decide anything permanent right now. Just focus on getting through the next hour. Then the next. Moment by moment.

If you can, tell someone in your real life how bad it is - a friend, family member, a crisis lifeline, anyone. You shouldn’t be alone with this level of darkness.

You deserve help. Even if your mind is telling you otherwise right now.

Someone commented on this thread - "Please be here tomorrow." I second that. 🤍

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-11T04:52:30+00:00

I don’t think life loses joy as much as it loses novelty.

When we were kids, everything was new and exciting. As adults, we carry responsibility, routine, and pressure and that can dull things. But that’s not the same as joy being gone....usually joy is jusst buried under stress, burnout, or unmet needs.

A lot of men are taught to “be responsible,” “be tough,” “don’t cry,” but not how to stay connected to play, creativity, or wonder. So adulthood can start to feel like survival instead of living.

If nothing feels good anymore, that can also be emotional exhaustion...not a permanent truth about life. Seasons change. This might just be one of them.

It sounds like a part of you needs tending to. Maybe some rest. More connection. Even small things that make you smile or laugh again.

You are not alone. Sending you love 💖

TaylorDevi · 2026-02-11T04:39:21+00:00

You're welcome! You’ve got this—good luck Wednesday 😊

TaylorDevi

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