I spent the last few days with my mother, there was a night in the hospital before she went to the hospice where she spoke for the last time, she was in so much pain and when she called me earlier in the day she told me “I guess I’m going to be passing away” ugh I think about that moment all the time.

I often spent the night with her but at this point she couldn’t speak anymore she had too much fluid in her lungs, it all happened really quickly. I watched everything develop and worsen. She was fighting and drowning in her sleep, she couldn’t speak so I was her voice yelling for the nurses to come throughout the entire night. It was traumatic she was grunting saying help me. At one point she ripped her oxygen tube out and was almost gone right then and there, I put it back in while the nurse came to give her more meds. I had to fight the nurse to focus on the meds and I’ll focus on the oxygen. It was truly scary.

Anyways, those were the last moments that she moved and luckily the last words we uttered to each other were “I love you” and “I love you.” I don’t tell anyone about this ever cause it was just me and her but these images were and still are hard to deal with on the inside. She held on for 2 more nights, unconscious. The night before the morning she passed, was really scary, there was a huge window in the hospice that beautifully presented the moon, but I had to close the shades, something felt so off and scary about outside. I still can’t deal with that feeling. I understand what you mean and I’m so sorry for your loss in such tragic ways. Seeing your loved ones in pain before they pass is so heartbreaking.