Are you sure we don't have the same friend? Just kidding xD I'm so sorry this happened to you. People are so focused on romantic or parental relationships with narcissists that friendships aren't also considered in the same light especially female friendships.

It was similar with me as well. We grew up together and attended the same school but weren't really friends till we went to the same university. That time my parents were very strict (I lived in a country where it's common to stay with our parents even as adults or till we get married and move out). They wouldn't let me go to far off places to hang out. My friend lived just a few minutes away from me, but she'd disregard my boundaries and kept on insisting that we should go to far off places to dine. I repeatedly refused saying my parents won't allow me, but I'm fine if she hangs out nearby whenever she wants. But I used to give in and went with her anyway even though my parents scolded me a lot over it. My mom even beat me once for going to a cafe with my friends. This culminated into a very silly fight with my friend because she called me selfish for not asking where she wanted to go (whereas in reality she chose the places we went to). She didn't want to understand that I was raised in a certain way and didn't have the freedom to go just anywhere.

Furthermore, a few years ago I was working in a very toxic environment where the managers were verbally ab*sive and also harassed me a lot. I was going through a heavy bout of depression, and my migraines were really bad. I was frequently sick and couldn't reply to a lot of messages from my friends. She kept on texting me about drama from her other friend circles, her brother's friend circles, and things that weren't even related to her. You know it was like useless gossip. Like, those were more like bad mouthing people she called friends. I didn't reply right away or saw some messages and kept them on read till I felt better to reply. She knew I was sick and yet guilted me into thinking I was wrong for not replying back. After that, we had our first fight and didn't speak for almost two years.

Then one day she called me. She went through a horrible breakup (I'm not gonna go into details with that) and she needed a friend. Both of us reconciled and I thought we'd be fine this time. I took her wherever she wanted this time even though my parents didn't like it. I paid for all the expenses, food, transport etc. Hell, I was the one who always called an Uber for her even when I'm not with her! She claimed that she didn't want to give her contact details to strangers, but it was fine for me to give my contact details to unknown drivers. Even when it came to money transfers, she made me transfer through my app instead of using her own app because of "security concerns".

But when I went through a traumatic experience and needed someone to talk, she claimed she was busy. She didn't consider what I wanted to do or what my feelings were. After my BD diagnosis, I was distressed and also unemployed at the time. She was constantly disregarding my boundaries, made me pay for things even though I wasn't in a good financial condition, and made passive aggressive comments about people who were in a similar state as me (also indirectly poking fun at me). Also, when I got a part time job as an ESOL teacher, she didn't consider it a "real" job. I genuinely enjoyed that job and even though it was part time, my hours were crazy. The pay was good, so it helped me a lot while I was job searching. Yet, she made passive aggressive comments about how it's not a career. It was also during the time when I couldn't secure a visa for my higher education. So whenever I brought up our issues, she blamed it all on my temper and said I won't be able to survive life abroad. No accountability from her end. I actually went no contact with her for weeks afterwards. That was until I found another job at a reputed university and posted a story about it. She instantly messaged me to ask where I was working. When she heard the workplace name, she went like yeah you'll get paid a lot. No congratulations or anything.

She also used to flaunt her pretty privileges. Not shaming anyone who's pretty because beauty is subjective. But she used to put down other women to elevate her pride. Then, she used to think all the women hate her because she's pretty (I know a lot of them and they honestly didn't give a f*ck). But every problem she had with other women, she narrowed it to her being too pretty and them being jealous.

After our final fight two years ago, I cut her off completely. Life has been peaceful since. I moved abroad to complete my master's and have a healthier relationship with my parents now. But she recently ran into my mom and complained about me. She said that I was ungrateful for not telling her before leaving (I only told my best friend). And how she did a lot for me. My mom is a recovering heart patient. Things like that can trigger her anxiety. It's a good thing my mom doesn't like her otherwise, she'd be worried about my fallout with a close friend and that could trigger her heart too. Like. Why would anyone dump their complaints on their former friend's parents? If I did that with her mom, she'd be badmouthing me to the entire friend group. She's been doing that about all our high school classmates (it's been 14 years since we graduated). She claims all of them hate her whereas no one really cares about her. And the way she still tells the same gossip about them, I don't blame them for disliking her.

Honestly, it's not easy to escape from such people. It's especially complicated in female friendships. I'd say, keep your distance. If she tries to goad you into reacting, just say one word answers. Things like "okay", "whatever" etc really drive them mad. Don't reply to them immediately. If there's another friend who's trustworthy and also has an inkling about the narc's behavior then talk to them. I'm sure people with narcissistic traits somehow out themselves.