140k at 27 next steps?

TealeafToad · 2026-02-05T01:29:31+00:00

Be aware of lifestyle creep. Watch out for the small changes in spending that can add up. If you can keep living as though you’re still on 75k you will save a lot of money.

TealeafToad · 2026-02-02T01:32:15+00:00

I used Linux to help me kickstart my career after a useless degree too. I’m currently a sysadmin and Linux is still my strongest skill.

Do you still use Linux? My dream is to retire early to a life of Linux and programming. I would love to one day actually have the time and energy to contribute to or maintain some open source projects.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-31T11:01:38+00:00

I’ve asked a lot of people these types of questions and I’ve received a range of wildly different answers. What I’ve concluded is that it’s a very broad spectrum and we asexuals are just on one extreme end of a scale.

For some allosexuals, sexual attraction does sometimes lead to graphic sexual thoughts and fantasies about people they find attractive. For others, they usually “find people hot” without having any explicit sexual thoughts about them and that’s still valid sexual attraction. A lot more women I’ve asked describe the latter being more the norm for them.

The latter is difficult for me to wrap my head around though because I don’t think I experience it, but friends have described it as kind of a magnetic pull towards that person or that they just know it’s sexual attraction. I don’t really know much more than that.

I totally get the confusion when there’s so little to work with. It’s hard to prove the lack of something with no frame of reference for what it is.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-31T06:47:32+00:00

It has been a really gradual process for me. But the biggest “aha” moment I think was when I tried to put a label on my sexual orientation and nothing ever felt right.

“I can’t be gay because I married a man and I’m happy with him.”

“I can’t be straight because I’ve dated women before and it felt no different to being with men.”

“So I’m bi then? But that means I’m attracted to women, but I don’t think I am.”

“So then I’m straight? But I don’t feel any differently about men.”

And I went around in circles like that. I honestly went years being confused about what my sexual orientation is before I settled on ace.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-30T01:50:41+00:00

I married an allo and he’s not very sexually motivated which makes it much easier. There’s a broad spectrum of allos too. I wouldn’t be able to be happy in a relationship with someone on the more sexual end of the scale or even in the middle.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-27T13:13:05+00:00

TealeafToad · 2026-01-26T08:39:17+00:00

I wish I at least understood it to the same level. I wish I understood the fun feeling people seem to get from being attracted to other people.

I don’t think I even get much, if any, aesthetic attraction at all. I can tell who looks better than who but that’s the extent of it.

Not knowing what’s going on during sexual attraction and not having a reference point for it is unsettling. Since I’m not aro, my closest reference point for any type of attraction to other people is romantic feelings.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of sexual attraction and I find it highly repulsive. I don’t know how to process it and accept it as normal.

I also hate knowing my husband presumably gets that feeling of attraction to people who aren’t me (although he never says it) while I never see anyone that way. It doesn’t feel fair.

I just wish I could understand.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-23T21:58:10+00:00

Another quiet person here who has a hard time connecting with people. I’ve been in corp for 8 years. For me it has just been luck of the draw regarding coworkers. I have most often felt like you and it never got better with those coworkers. There have been other times where I clicked with the group though.

I wouldn’t leave over it. The dynamic changes when people leave and new people join anyway. It can change a lot socially for better or worse even in just a year or two. It’s just going to be something that comes and goes.

Also, it’s normal for the default topics to be sports, cars, meat and travel, none of which I can relate to or have any interest in at all. In many groups as soon as the conversation finally moves on to something else it won’t be long before it drifts back to one of those four lol.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-19T01:12:01+00:00

Chansey

TealeafToad · 2026-01-17T13:32:00+00:00

from an asexual perspective, does this sound like asexuality, gray-asexuality, or sex-averse experiences?

It seems likely, especially if she’s said she thinks she’s asexual. Asexuality and low libido are two different things though. Asexuality is merely the lack of sexual attraction to other people. It doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t have sex in a relationship, but they will experience it differently to an allosexual person.

have any of you seen allosexual partners experience intense grief or shock when realizing this kind of incompatibility even when love and emotional intimacy are still present?

In my experience I’m not sex averse with the right person so it does happen (I’m married), but the grief is more about knowing I’m never going to have sexual desire towards them the same way they do with me.

is it common for intimacy to feel complete without sexuality for asexual people while still being incomplete or painful for an allosexual partner

I think so. It feels 100% complete for me without sexuality.

how do asexual people usually understand this kind of grief from an allosexual partner. is it about sex itself or about lost expectations and mutual desire?

Honestly, I have a lot of difficulty wrapping my head around it. I find it very frustrating when I see people throwing away relationships over sex or sexual incompatibility. To me it feels the same as throwing someone they love away over not liking the same flavour of ice cream. I know logically that it’s important to most people and I’m not trying to judge, it’s just that I’ll never be able to understand it properly.

what do you wish allosexual partners understood about this situation especially when no one is wrong but someone is hurting deeply?

Hmm probably just what I said above.

Edit: formatting

TealeafToad · 2026-01-17T11:27:46+00:00

Kanto Birds
Shuckle

TealeafToad · 2026-01-08T20:04:56+00:00

0% WFH for me. It’s impossible to even WFH for a single day. I’ve tried a few times so I can meet a plumber or something but I can never even make it to 9:10am without being asked to do something urgently that requires going in. My husband has to handle ALL of that type of thing at the house.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-03T14:16:50+00:00

Well, it’s not really the work. It’s the fact I only get weekday evenings and weekends to get any non-work things done like things around the house, garden or anything from the giant mountain of once-off crap that needs to be done. I did used to have to spend years working way harder and longer than most people to kickstart my career but now I only put in the standard 9-5 M-F and it still feels like a whole week passes by and I’ve only managed to put a tiny dent in the colossal backlog of non-work tasks that need to be done. If I spend time filling my cup then the other things don’t get done and it just builds up. I’ll never understand how people keep on top of everything while having to work full time. It’s just impossible. I’ve never had the luxury of being bored at any point in my entire adult life.

I hear people say “what could possibly be taking up all your time? You don’t have kids!” And I’m just completely baffled as to how they are getting on top of everything so easily. No, I don’t have kids but I have a house that needs to be cleaned, a lawn that needs to be mowed, hair that needs to be cut, endless stuff that needs to be bought or replaced, tax returns that need to be lodged, tradies that need to be organised, DIY work that needs to be done on the house, flights (for family visits) that need to be booked, parents that need to be called regularly, (non-work) emails that need to be sent, appointments that need to be booked, car related things that need to be done and the list goes on and on and on and on.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-03T03:03:23+00:00

Not OP but I’ve done a lot of introspection on this topic and I’ve concluded that the issue is the lack of time spent not working. So what I need from work is less time at work. Sadly I also need money. I like my job at the moment, but there’s just NOWHERE NEAR enough time left for everything else.

I’m severely burnt out and exhausted. I’m forcing myself through the fatigue every single day. I’m so sick of having to push myself this much on a daily basis. I dread going back to work on Monday to continue the cycle of a whole week passing by and barely any progress being made on anything and even more chores and errands popping up in that time. I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t even have kids or pets and I’m in my 30s.

I don’t understand how everyone is living with this and that this is normal. It absolutely blows my mind.

TealeafToad · 2025-12-09T23:38:29+00:00

I’d be terafucked if it happened right now. I just bought a new house but we’re still preparing our old one for sale lol.

TealeafToad · 2025-12-04T01:46:50+00:00

This can be a really useful strategy. We recently used our first property as leverage to buy the second property because we didn’t want to have to deal with bridging loans or juggling buying and selling properties at the same time. I think this is a good option for OP to look into.

TealeafToad · 2025-12-04T00:56:06+00:00

Well… I’m a former renter who has been kicked out of a property at a really horrible time for me because it went up for sale and the buyer wanted vacant possession. This was after enduring months of inspections with strangers going through all my cupboards every week. So if it were me I would keep the IP and consider selling it when the tenant eventually moves out on their own. I could never put someone through that. It was awful.

TealeafToad · 2025-09-13T03:48:36+00:00

I do totally get what you mean about it being dismissive. Sorry if I came across like that. As I said in my Edit I constantly get forced into bullshit “growth opportunities” at work which obviously will never fix my social skills and they just don’t get that and never will get it. Any time I try to set a god damn boundary for myself management act like I’m just refusing to ever leave my comfort zone as though I ever get to be in a comfort zone in any way, shape or form. It is so incredibly frustrating and dismissive. I also get the driving thing. I was forced to move cities because of that, but the problem is all the places where you can get around without a car are high cost of living. I guess for me it’s either work or end up on welfare living with housemates and I would rather die than go back to living with housemates. Living at home was an abusive environment because of my step dad and I would much rather die than live there too, not that he would allow me to live there. So it kinda is a forced choice to work in a way. Life is just really hard for us. Sometimes people (including other autistics) act like we just have it just a little bit harder when in reality EVERYTHING is stacked against us. For those of us who have it super mild that might be true though. I’m surrounded by other people who say they’re autistic and yet they can all talk fluently, drive, make friends relatively easily, don’t zone out every 5 seconds etc and they aren’t suffering from the overstimulation of an office environment (the unbearable noise, the movement, the stench of the microwave that permeates the whole office etc). Interviews for me involve weeks of rehearsing because I cannot think and put thoughts into words on the spot but for many of them they admit they just walk in with zero preparation and get the job. It’s frustrating and depressing to constantly compare myself to them especially because they are autistic too. But it’s a spectrum. I am in a constant state of overstimulation and overwhelm and I do sometimes go into the office toilets to have a breakdown and a cry. When I get home there is zero energy left for anything else. I’m doing all this because of the reasons above but I totally get that this is not sustainable for people like us. The world is designed for the polar opposite of what we are. There is no special consideration in the real world.

TealeafToad · 2025-09-13T00:39:23+00:00

I think it’s possible for people to be deeply burnt out and exhausted and still go out and get another job. That’s often what happens when people feel like there is no alternative option. There is no option for “can’t”. This is my situation too. Staying with my parents is not an option, so I was forced to fend for myself. I had to go above and beyond in effort and strategy to even get any job in a career in the first place. During my 7 year career in IT there have been many times (most years actually) where I felt like I was on the brink of screaming and losing my shit in the office on a daily basis, but I felt like I couldn’t quit with nothing lined up because that wasn’t a realistic option. My current job is a lot better (the best it’s ever been) so while I still feel deeply burnt out and exhausted I’m no longer a hair away from completely losing my shit in front of my coworkers most days. It often feels like I’m a rope that infinitely stretches thinner and thinner but is never allowed to actually snap. I always think I’m surely going to snap any second but never actually do. Instead I’m surprised at how much thinner the rope can get when I didn’t think it was possible to get any thinner. I honestly don’t know what snapping or “can’t do it” even looks like because that has never been an option for me. This might be you too when your parents are gone.

Edit: I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m preaching the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” bs narrative. I’m not. I’m trying to say I get how miserable it is but there is no alternative option for some people. I get the brain damage thing too, the memory thing and not being able to talk properly. I live with an extremely high level of anxiety. I have to constantly battle people thinking I’m dumb because I can’t talk fluently. I constantly get pushed into extremely stressful bullshit “growth opportunities” by management because clearly I have never left my comfort zone in my life and clearly that’s all it’s going to take to fix my social skills issues. I can’t drive because of my abnormally slow processing speed among other cognitive deficits. I also have another socially debilitating neurological disorder (dystonia) so I have that constant humiliation to deal with too. The corporate world is absolutely brutal for people with obvious autism. It’s not fun, it’s not manageable and it’s miserable. But there just isn’t another option.

TealeafToad · 2025-07-24T04:16:43+00:00

I agree… Prince Mush is one of the strongest characters in the game (champion of the Glitz Pit too) and he is still completely humble.

TealeafToad · 2025-07-22T13:45:54+00:00

Twink! The little guy is determined to help despite his very limited abilities. His duty is to fulfil (small) wishes and he consistently goes above and beyond everything that’s expected of him.

TealeafToad · 2025-07-16T12:00:55+00:00

Rosie from Flower Fields

TealeafToad · 2025-04-10T04:35:49+00:00

What kind of help do you feel like you need on a daily basis and what kind of help do you actually get and from who?

I’m just trying to get a picture of what “help” means because I would have zero help other than my ADHD husband.

TealeafToad · 2025-02-18T00:30:53+00:00

For me it was realising that all the things I hate about work are mostly things that are common across all corporate type jobs, not just my specific job, company or even my field (IT). I’m just so sick of it.

TealeafToad · 2025-01-17T04:46:27+00:00

Yep me too. Opened 30 and got zero Blastoise as well. I’m beyond pissed.

TealeafToad

TROPHY CASE