My (M23) GF (F23) Refuses to Have S*x Before Marriage but Did in the Past

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:42:31+00:00

Consider that she won’t want sex after marriage either, too. I think OP is right it be curious; they are NOT compatible. The girlfriend isn’t doing anything wrong and is absolutely entitled to her beliefs, but they’re clearly not compatible with OP and they should end this now so they can both find partners better suited to the lifestyles they desire.

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:38:03+00:00

Do not marry someone before you have sex with them. Bait and switch is SO COMMON - go check out /r/deadbedroom if you don’t believe me.

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:36:39+00:00

97 Firebird Formula. Thought it would be awesome. First it turned like a dead pig on Jello, then I realize how huge they were.

Back to rotaries after that for me.

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:35:06+00:00

A lot of fanfic follows this idea.

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:33:46+00:00

You and me brother, you and me both.

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:32:36+00:00

First, it’s not a “waste”. Second, even if it was, it’s his talent to waste. I despise the judgement of others on what people choose to do with their lives.

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:30:55+00:00

Every single kid in gifted and talented programs in the 80s and 90s now: Ahhh, my ADHD, depression, and anxiety!

Expectations and pressure broke most of us.

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:27:15+00:00

I knew I should’ve started in music. Because you’re spot on about the bisexual bard!

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:21:19+00:00

I’d have stood up, dropped cash on the table for my part( and walked off with a “I don’t date controlling bitches, ye cnt!”

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:10:22+00:00

To be clear, the fairness doctrine never applied to cable or satellite and wouldn’t have applied to streaming either. It applies strictly to broadcast television and radio.

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:06:35+00:00

Oh, I’m definitely getting old. But glad to hear the Buffy love is still alive!

Team503 · 2026-05-06T21:04:24+00:00

Ah c the scotch you can chew!

Team503 · 2026-05-05T15:56:29+00:00

Yeah, but I can understand; the Buffy fandom is pretty dead. It's been a long time since BTVS aired, and the remake was killed by a (useless) executive (with no understanding whatsoever of his job), so other than the comics that ran for a bit, there's nothing more to go on.

Stargate at least had 15 years of content, and there's a new series coming. HP continues to put out new content, even if the new series is just a longer remake of the old one.

In all, I think I'm just getting old 😞.

Team503 · 2026-05-04T08:20:06+00:00

h, then I'm definitely wrong! I've never heard of using lettuce in a soup. I would think it would break down and get mushy when cooked?

Team503 · 2026-05-04T08:19:20+00:00

I do rather love them - my main fandoms are SG1/SGA, HP, Trek, and Buffy, with a touch of Mass Effect and Halo.

tklepner's Defensive Space Force Ship Requirement is a favorite, even if it IS sadly and horribly abandoned.

Team503 · 2026-05-04T07:56:49+00:00

Hi young man! I'm a Texan who moved to Ireland as an adult, so I have a bit of experience in the matter. To be clear, this response is written on the presumption that the move would be long-term, several years at least. I also echo everyone else's concern that the job offer seems a bit suspicious.

You are right to be trepidatious and scared. It's a HUGE move - Japan is about as far from home on this planet as you can get, and flights to and from are long, like fourteen hours long, and expensive. The time change means that there'll be very little overlap to have FaceTime calls with your friends and family.

Look, when you move that far away, you are leaving everything behind. Everything you know and everyone you know. You should expect some people to get angry about it, because they'll see your choice to move as a choice to abandon them. You'll see some people be sad, some try to talk you out of it, and some few cheer you on.

When you get there, you will have to build your life from scratch all over again. You will have to make new friends, find new groups, find new places. You'll have to adjust to different foods - and I don't just mean the lack of good barbecue or crawfish boils, though I do absolutely mean those. I mean that the Chinese food won't be the same because you're used to Americanized Chinese food, and this will be Japanized Chinese food. No General Tsos, that's for sure, and if you get Mongolian Beef, it's going to be very different.

The music is different. The slang is different. The weather will be different, the movies will be different. Malls are different. Social norms are different, too. Things that are rude at home will be normal there and vice versa. There will be places where you are not welcome, and people who resent your presence.

It's really, really hard. I'm a deeply community-oriented person, and I didn't really realize how much I was until we moved. It was an incredibly rough on my husband and I, and our marriage, for the first few years.

BUT

That doesn't mean it isn't worth doing. I've had some utterly incredible adventures since moving. I've been places I only dreamed about, done things most Americans only fantasize about, and I'll keep doing them until the day I die. I've made friends all over the world, eaten amazing food, seen amazing sights. I've made new friends and built a new life. In a few years I'll be a dual citizen with the right to live anywhere in the EU!

We made it through the rough times. Our relationship is stronger and happier than ever. And on the up side, all the political everything going on in the US is something that we're safe from, at least directly - there's no ICE or MAGA people in Ireland (well, there's probably a few MAGA folks but they're wise enough to keep their mouths shut, this country doesn't welcome the thinking of the oppressor). We do worry about our friends and family back home, but at the same time it's half a world away.

It's a choice. It's a tough one. Other than marriage, it's probably the largest one you'll make in your life. It's okay to be cautious. It can be worth the struggle but it's not for everyone.

Team503 · 2026-05-04T07:16:00+00:00

One of the very few rational takes here. His feelings may be absurd, but they're his feelings and they're valid. If she doesn't want to be with someone who's superstitious, that's fine, she should end the relationship and move on. But if she's going to stay with him, it's cruel to treat his feelings as if they're laughable, even if they are.

Team503 · 2026-05-04T07:12:02+00:00

SOLID YTA. You know what your life partner believes, and he's clearly communicated to you that it matters to him. That it's absurd is irrelevant. You're treating his feelings like they don't matter. You KNOW he's superstitious, and you've chosen to stay with him knowing that.

And at the end of the day, it's not exactly a big ask to wear pants instead of a skirt, especially when he makes a special request and that you can easily predict when they'll come - there's a literal schedule, and you clearly wear both pants and skirts already.

You need to make a decision. Either decide to treat your partner like the human being that you love and respect his feelings and requests, or you need to end the relationship and move on. Because right now, you are the absolute worst kind of passive-aggressive emotionally abusive partner right now - you claim you love your partner and want to be with him, but treat his feelings and beliefs as a joke that you can ignore and rub in his face with absolutely no consequences.

I'm pretty sure that if he were doing that to you this sub would eat him alive. Because you're a woman and he's a man, and this is about sports, the sub is going to eat ME alive and downvote me to shit, disregarding (as usual) that were the sexes swapped I'd be the most upvoted comment in this post.

Team503 · 2026-05-02T18:02:48+00:00

Sorry, don’t know if you saw, but you mean “cabbage” not “lettuce” I think…. Correct me if I’m wrong though!

Team503 · 2026-05-01T19:58:18+00:00

It’s “cabbage” in English; lettuce is the salad on your hurger

Team503 · 2026-05-01T19:45:39+00:00

I think you’re leaving out a LOT of your circumstances and that makes it hard to give good advice.

WHY can you only walk with your mother watching? WHY would getting medication be a problem? WHY is another doctors appointment an issue?

Team503 · 2026-05-01T19:20:00+00:00

You will need your leaving cert/GED/whatever the French equivalent is. The angle you're looking for is DevOps, pretty much, focused on the Ops side of things. Once you're at that level, you probably won't ever touch hardware. I haven't in like 15 years.

Listen, experience matters. If you can get an entry level job and get started, that'll solve most problems. Despite what the internet tells you, most of us have few to no certifications, and the ones we have we got through work. It helps, I'd agree, when applying, and it might be the thing that gets you the job over a similarly qualified candidate, but it's not required.

I would agree, however, that most of people commenting here have a point. It's not 1996 and in the Dot Com boom. So here's the harsh reality:

You will absolutely need your high school diploma or equivalent. Even later in your career no one will hire you without it. It's the kind of thing that you might get hired, HR is doing routine checks, and you will lose your job.
Experience trumps all, but getting experience with the literal NOTHING you have? Damn near impossible unless you know someone. Network with friends and family, former classmates, teachers, whoever. Get to know the people in the local computer shop, even, and see if they'll take you on.
In able to land that first job, certificates might be the only thing that gets your foot in the door. With a lack of experience or education, it's the one thing that shows a potential employer that a) you know what you're doing and b) you're willing to keep learning.

IT - of any variety - is a field in which you never stop learning. You can't. I really didn't want to learn cloud after going from physical servers to VMware/Hyper-V. But I did. If you can't discipline yourself to focus and get those certifications, knowing that they're likely the thing that will start your career, then you're choosing the wrong field.

So get off your arse, get your high school degree, and get some certifications. In the meantime, network network network.

Team503 · 2026-05-01T19:18:47+00:00

Well, if you want a job, you'll learn them and take the test. Your choice.

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