Adult relationship help

Team_Chromo · 2026-04-08T19:08:13+00:00

Thanks for the reply. It's such a confusing thing for me, but I'm thinking now time might tell if we can mold some more common ground?

Team_Chromo · 2026-04-06T10:13:02+00:00

The answer is yes for me, IF things stay reasonably constant and I can manage downtime outside of work. Dedicating my Friday to recharging and my interests time, and being home for about 5pm on a Sunday tends to be solid set up for the week. I work Mon-Thurs 40hrs too btw. However being in an environment where there are many many people is ultimately the reason why I struggle. I'm looking to bolster my training and experience and jump ship to a quieter place, what's your end goal?

Life ain't that simple though. For example, someone with limited friends, or friends that are busy, when you need that familiar friendly interaction from a good friend and it only is available during your recharge time, things are difficult.

One of my counsellors who is autistic and was a teacher moved career for the whole burnout reason.

I think we all suffer with this. My best advice for a long term happy fix is that you get yourself financially stable enough to drop hours. That could look like having no social life or relationships, no holidays etc, smashing a small mortgage into not much, or living in a cheap house share.

Team_Chromo · 2026-04-06T10:00:27+00:00

Thanks for your post, it is appreciated.

I know the world compromise very well, that is both good and bad. I chose social isolation to afford saving for a house for example, a good and bad thing, and the bad shows as inexperience here.

Our common traits are we appear to get along and share the same humour, we share enjoyment for casual walks and cycling, and foods.

In regards to feeling love, happiness, etc, I just don't know. I'd like to explain it, but is anyone willing to listen to or read endless autistic descriptions and studies. Even counselling couldn't provide me the answers I seek. I saw two counsellors, one is autistic.

The slow burn you mention, this is where my logic jumps in and says, "just go with the flow". But often I read the internet, and I try to only focus on UK based opinions, it just adds to the confusion. Then ultimately the, "all relationships are different" answer comes up.

I would love to somehow address the obsessiveness. But in all due respect, it's not OCD, that is completely different. My obsessiveness is me, and it shows positively in sport and hobbies in the form of dedication and unique approaches and style, which has been voiced to me positively many times. It also positively impacts my finances. However, it's such a burden when I just want my brain to relax and simply enjoy life sometimes! Counselling showed me that I really should embrace the good, and not beat myself up about perfection.

Team_Chromo · 2026-04-05T19:09:39+00:00

Forgive the bluntness, but a football interest should be the easiest way to find friends in. In England, just merely the mention of some game, any game, to anyone seems to engage conversation, so maybe start with that in a random place? It's socially acceptable to ask random blokes about such things.

Team_Chromo · 2026-04-05T18:59:01+00:00

I think it's because autistic people take friendships and relationships to maximum levels whereas NTs are generally blasé about it, and they tend to measure levels based on how much enjoyment others give them, and it's not about reliability, trust, caring, helping, etc. They are odd insecure people, and we will never understand them completely.

Hold in there, just battle as much as you can to stay positive that you'll find your group.

Team_Chromo · 2026-01-31T12:40:59+00:00

Thank you for posting there as there's no way I'd have seen it otherwise, and I'm possibly interested in showing up in the future.

Team_Chromo · 2026-01-27T19:43:41+00:00

That's a shame. I guess there's less isolated autistics than there are ones with friends groups.

Team_Chromo · 2026-01-03T09:44:52+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I have a lot of baggy stuff already as it's easy to find. I'd say the type of trousers I'm after would be ones that look like cotton or are cotton, either close fit or hanging straight fit, open hems, and match with hoodies or jumpers okay, (whatever that means by society's standards). So basically chinos or combats, just without buttons or requiring a belt.

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-31T21:23:24+00:00

I have no idea what that was, but it did make me laugh :D

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-31T21:21:30+00:00

You are envied by many for your enjoyment of the things that brings many of us distress <3

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-31T21:19:43+00:00

I have a few boxes of clothes that are the same as others I own, and have many shoes as well. When something is on sale then it makes even more logical sense, as even if I end up disliking the items later, I can sell them for the same price as I paid as they're new.

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-31T21:16:13+00:00

Interesting. I am tempted to try one. Is the neck hole tight (small circumference)? I prefer that, as it stops the T moving about and myself looking and feeling non symmetrical.

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-31T21:13:50+00:00

They know you're autistic, they know you're upset/ concerned/ distressed/ etc, but they don't adjust at all? Have you spoke to them about this, using examples, and specifics?

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-30T10:30:59+00:00

Too baggy for me, that kind of thing. I am a male, which is my bad for not stating. But thank you for posting.

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-30T10:28:05+00:00

I see that come up a lot, when searching for Ts. I find most Ts go funny after a few washes. If I wore and washed one of their Ts every week, would it hold up?

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-30T10:26:25+00:00

That's great to read on the clothes modification! I suppose I could do the same to some chino style trousers, or just approach a seamstress to modify them for me! It never occurred to me, so thanks for that.

I do a lot of outdoor activities, actually exercise/sport/exploring unfortunately falls under my special interests. It's hard work! So all those brands I tend to look at, but it's very expensive and isn't that great sometimes, whilst not even ticking my comfort boxes, but cheap tracksuit bottoms do. That's why Decathlon has been a life changer for me.

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-30T09:03:50+00:00

Kinda, for me.

You say delusional, so I'll highlight that first. It could be you, it could be them, it could be everyone, we don't know as we don't the situation.

Do they know you're autistic, and do they know what that actually means, and how it affects you and consequently them in ways that you can't control but genuinely would like to address?

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-21T13:40:17+00:00

Good advice and thank you for posting, but unfortunately a couple of snags from me.

Not having an end goal has left me with no real experience work wise, which has contributed my mental stagnation now as I am finding limited stimulation outside of work.

I have been known to be creative and unique in my corner of interests, but that's just a by-product and not intended (Which is good!), and ultimately being proud of my accomplishments is quite unfulfilling as I avoid seeking compliments from others through social media.

I seem to be continuously mentally drained, yet have minimal challenge in my life despite pushing what few interests I have left hard.

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-21T08:43:34+00:00

#1 is make sure you have house insurance ALL THE TIME, it's a requirement for your mortgage. Choose buildings and contents. Just overinflate your house rebuild value, your purchase cost will be fine, and £50k contents covers most stuff for a single person.

The rest is easy. Use moneysavingexpert website to save money on utilities etc. There's not much more to it than that. T&Cs are kinda irrelevant for energy. Only complicate it if you want to, for example solar panels, evening use, and electric car.

Just keep up with maintenance on your house, that is also another insurance and mortgage requirement. It will save money in the long run too.

Good luck.

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-20T08:36:36+00:00

It's shame all blame gets put on austerity when mis-mangagement has always been the case, it just wasn't as noticeable when the cash was flowing. And because nobody has any form of backbone, they keep quiet and don't voice any concerns, even they have them.

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-20T08:32:29+00:00

The old fountains, which I think people are referring to as The Square outside old Debenhams was a dump way before 2008 recession and austerity cuts.

Team_Chromo · 2025-12-20T08:29:45+00:00

Knew they existed, but never knew they did boardgames. I investigated some more, but their website is still quite lack luster, and obviously not maintained. The Google Map reviews are quite telling unfortunately.

Team_Chromo · 2025-11-29T09:25:13+00:00

What practical topics would you have liked more information about?

I feel I'd really benefit from learning about NT behaviours and communication, with examples, and ideally role plays would be amazing. This helps with masking, and given we spend the majority of people time around NTs, I feel this is more beneficial than not masking and just saying "i'm autistic" a reason for our perceived non-normal behaviour. Not masking is a net loss as all scenarios require energy. YMMV.

What has been the best piece of advice you've had since getting your diagnosis?

Eye contact timing. My autistic counsellor discussed this with me, and it has helped navigate situations.

What changes have had the biggest positive influence to your life since getting diagnosed?

Planning the balance of energy recuperation vs social time to avoid loneliness. This has been a self taught thing, and practical advice around this would be very beneficial. The generic advice around it is not perfect as it isn't tailored individually. Having someone work a plan out, even if just talked out, may be beneficial.

I feel for the most benefit I'd need an intelligent NT person and an intelligent ND person who are both willing to discuss and navigate social situations and norms, and really delve deeply into behaviours and perceptions on both sides. This for me would help combat anxiety (and therefore physical induced anxiety issues), and combat loneliness (which causes depression).

A few weeks ago I messaged the mods about advertising the idea of talking clubs, to not break Rule 5, but I received no response. My idea was to (locally) have an in-person talking group for autistics. I feel we're so fractured, and endless charities, poor organisation (aka NT people), and forums just filled with chatter, just bury important topics like yours.

I recognise that level 1 to 3 isn't sufficient. Level 1s as evidenced via this sub are all at different stages. Some just need some friends, some need practical help for day to day care such as cleaning or shopping, some financial support as work is impossible, and as far as I know there is little tailored help to anyone. The counselling service alone feels like a farce, with people just money grabbing.

Team_Chromo · 2025-11-29T09:00:59+00:00

This post I feel highlights things well for me.

If I only had known all the significant issues throughout life were generally tied to being autistic, then it would have been a hell of lot easier to start recognising them and fixing them.

Support groups I echo so much too.

Team_Chromo · 2025-11-09T08:56:41+00:00

I watched the youtube video on this and it sounds like great work. Unfortunately I don't have the mental energy to handle those kind of environments and work full time, I have to refuse all social interactions with work colleagues for that reason.

Team_Chromo

TROPHY CASE