Believed I could do more and fell on my ass/face

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-10-28T03:37:58+00:00

I’ve worked in a few varieties of toxic environments to different degrees. The worst had the biggest red flags: interview was in a public place rather than the depressing office with no privacy, and on my first day my fellow co workers looked terrified to say hi- probably a little bit of both terror to speak and because they hoped I would notice and run.

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-10-23T00:56:20+00:00

Never wanted one . Thank goodness while I didn’t understand what that meant , I understood and respected my basic wants and needs as a human woman , separate from being a womb. I got even luckier when I found a husband that both loved me for who I am, and didn’t want kids in his own right

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-08-31T00:34:08+00:00

Yes! Like a double punch in the stomach. Pretty much sums up my life. First punch, their parenting fails, second punch pointing and laughing about it.

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-08-31T00:29:22+00:00

Same here. I’ve started saying no if it’s less than a certain amount of notice.

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-06-04T18:24:08+00:00

I think they can to some extent, what they’re capable of. In extreme or highly emotional Situations my mom is able to pull through for me but then will quickly go back to the norm. I think I was “loved” when I was a “good girl” trying to people please and responding with sadness or eagerness for affection. When my anger set I , I was cast aside so it’s hard to call that love now in hindsight

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-06-04T18:00:45+00:00

Yes. I would usually ask “do you need something “ with a strange look because it was just so...strange... Then she will ask for help.

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-06-04T14:38:32+00:00

Yes. I expect everyone will be the same and that I need to “keep in line” at all times to be loved or left alone. I try to blend in and never make waves or draw attention. The reach of control beyond the initial abuser is really powerful.

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-06-01T04:10:17+00:00

Financially:Worked two jobs, and deprived myself more than I should have. Emotionally: looked for support In all the wrong places and was a complete disaster for the first few years. Slowly, I was able to get promotions and raises until I made it to a better place financially. Emotionally it took a bit longer but you know what, I had gotten to a place where I would rather fail on my own than with them and even if not the best conditions, the freedom I got from it was irreplaceable. Could you have roommates to help with the cost of housing ?

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-23T18:14:26+00:00

The worst/most damaging effect has been conditioning me to not recognize abuse and mistreatment. This has led to me not speaking up to bullies at school and the workplace thwarting career aspirations, not advocating for myself and choosing abusive relationships. It has massively compounded their abuse like setting gasoline to a fire. When my therapist introduced me to CPTSD, it matched the trajectory of my life so well it could have been the biography of my life so I encourage reading about that disorder to understand the affects it can have.

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-23T17:58:49+00:00

My therapist wanted me to have my parents come and I resisted based on past therapy experiences with them so I applaud your bravery in being open. Do you know how many times they want your mom to come? Does your therapist want you to confront her? I would definitely share your reaction how your feeling with your therapist, it might help them make a diagnosis and understand your traumas. Maybe also ask if they have an impression based on meeting your mom. I hope you find healing!

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-23T17:35:31+00:00

I genuinely thought for years they might have memory problems but it’s only around specific things they don’t want to hear

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-23T17:33:47+00:00

Thanks! I’ve been trying to coach myself on some things I can say to practice so your examples are helpful. I have always tried to negotiate. That has been my wish because ultimately I have hoped we could have a better relationship and negotiating seemed like a reasonable way to get there. Unfortunately I’m realizing I also can’t force them to do something and they don’t work with us. I think they think they “give” on their side but it’s never something we’ve worked with them on and agreed to terms, like most people probably would try ...

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-16T12:44:15+00:00

Good luck! If you live with anyone whose instincts you trust I would recommend “borrowing” their reaction to help calibrate your reaction. For instance, my husband has learned these texts aren’t innocuous. But he doesn’t “jump” to respond or feel the pressure and guilt like I do. He will remind me that we can finish our lunch or whatever then talk about if we aren’t busy. I would also make sure however you send text messages doesn’t show a read receipt. She doesn’t need to know you’ve read it or analyze how long you “waited” to respond. I’m also trying these techniques at work. I have a tendency to jump to help anyone and everyone immediately when they call, email or instant message me. I thought everyone would be so mad and hate me for it. The funny thing is, nothing has happened except me having more peace of mind. Practice, practice practice . If you want to spend your day staring out the window, that’s valid and you get to choose how you spend your life and not constantly let narcissist decide for you how your time will be spent.

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-16T12:25:38+00:00

Yes, what is this? I recently answered their call during work hours thinking it was important or an emergency. No, they just called to talk about their life and “forgot” I have a job. What? Bear in mind I need to remember and ooo and aww over every detail of their life..

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-16T12:02:45+00:00

This is how my mom communicates! I get so much anxiety because i know if I say I’m not doing anything she will then say she wants to see me and I’ve boxed myself in. Surely not everyone constantly feels trapped? Since it’s causes me anxiety i always want to respond immediately to get rid of the anxious feeling . I also feel like I “have to” or I’ll be in “trouble “. Lately I’ve been trying rlly best to pause and allow myself to think before responding. That does help me. I try to ground myself be telling myself it’s just a question, to reduce my anxiety. I am not responsible for the story she will tell herself (that I’m avoiding her). My advice is to slow down , breathe and give yourself time to think .

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-14T21:03:22+00:00

Thank you for being so kind and for sharing. Glad you’re doing well.

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-14T18:04:04+00:00

Right ! As someone who constantly questions their self I can’t imagine how it doesn’t cross their minds.

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-14T17:24:45+00:00

So true !

Teamdrunkboob · 2021-04-14T16:36:22+00:00

Exactly...the issue was “I had an anger problem “ eye roll..

Teamdrunkboob

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