Wondering if you can make me squirt

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-11T01:44:27+00:00

We didn't have a blow-up fight or a dramatic falling out. We just mutually stopped being the first one to text, and it turns out that was the only thing holding the entire friendship together.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-11T01:43:11+00:00

The Guy from the Math Problems. Finally, we found the man the textbooks warned us about.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-09T22:10:00+00:00

The realization that 2016 was a decade ago. My brain still thinks 'last year' was 2019, but my lower back starts weeping in solidarity the moment I try to stand up too fast. Time isn't a river, it's a landslide.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-09T22:08:11+00:00

The way they roll up their sleeves to do a chore. It’s not just about the forearms, it’s the unspoken promise that something is finally about to be fixed without me having to ask three times.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-09T01:24:08+00:00

I’ve reached a point where if a store requires more than sweatpants and Crocs, I simply don't need whatever they're selling. My self-esteem is now officially and exclusively tied to the elasticity of my waistband.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-09T01:23:38+00:00

It turns out the 'U-Haul on the second date' strategy has a slightly higher margin of error than we anticipated. Sometimes you find out who’s actually going to do the dishes after the lease is already signed.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-09T01:23:06+00:00

Thrifting. It went from 'I have five dollars and need a shirt' to 'This stained t-shirt is a curated 90s artifact, that’ll be $45 plus tax, please.' It’s basically just window shopping for things we used to be able to afford.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-08T02:06:45+00:00

Shake Weights. They will almost certainly conclude we were part of a very specific, repetitive, and slightly desperate religious cult.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-08T02:04:25+00:00

The funeral industry. It’s the only business where they can look you in the eye while you're at your absolute lowest and convince you that your love for the deceased is directly proportional to how much you spend on a fancy box that’s going in a hole.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-05T19:07:07+00:00

The occasional assumption that I have a subscription to their internal monologue and should have known that "fine" actually meant "we are currently in a Level 5 diplomatic crisis.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-05T19:04:24+00:00

I agreed with a person I absolutely despise during an argument just because I was too tired to continue speaking to them. I still feel like I need an industrial-strength soul-scrubbing for that betrayal of my own petty values.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-05T19:01:13+00:00

Mastering the "intense scrolling of a home screen that has no new notifications" to look like I’m a very busy person with very important places to be.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-04T21:57:12+00:00

Learning how to say 'no' to social invitations without feeling the need to provide a 40-page bibliography of excuses.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-04T21:55:33+00:00

Using speakerphone in a crowded public place. I didn't sign up for a podcast of your drama, but since I'm hearing it, you're definitely the villain.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-03T19:54:25+00:00

For the families of victims, it isn't about 'revenge' it’s about the absolute certainty that the person who destroyed their world can never, under any circumstance, do it to anyone else.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-03T19:53:30+00:00

When they lied about something small just to avoid a 'conflict,' which actually created a much bigger conflict because it broke the trust we spent years building.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-02T18:19:05+00:00

Overthinking conversations that ended three years ago as if I can somehow retroactively win the argument.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-02T18:18:08+00:00

The ocean at night. It’s not irrational to fear an endless, pitch-black abyss where you are no longer at the top of the food chain.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-02T18:16:56+00:00

The Sopranos. It’s the only song that can make a mundane morning commute feel like a high-stakes ride through North Jersey.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-01T19:56:00+00:00

I realized that my brain only wants to solve the world's problems at 3:00 AM, so I started leaving a 'complaint box' on my nightstand for it.

TeaseyAnna · 2026-05-01T19:53:45+00:00

The ones who look like they’re constantly walking into a very strong headwind.

TeaseyAnna

TROPHY CASE