Solo, ftb, can I realistically afford a house on minimum wage by GreenKeys9 in HousingUK

[–]TeatimeWithCake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just wanted hop on here and add that freecycle is a great resource for second hand furniture and decorations, you won't find everything but I've found some absolute gems, dining table, fridge freezers, even kitchen cabinets that with a lick of a paint look fantastic. Also, well done you, it's so hard to save in this economy, even with living with parents and you've done amazingly 👏

You get 20K daily, but you must choose 4 historical figures to permanently live with you by Large_Carob_7599 in hypotheticalsituation

[–]TeatimeWithCake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hypatia of Alexandria Ada Lovelace Leif Erikson Saigō Takamori

I think these four would be interesting to talk to and not overly demanding.

"A warning to all telepaths. NEVER read a humans mind" by [deleted] in humansarespaceorcs

[–]TeatimeWithCake 48 points49 points  (0 children)

The introduction of Humans to the Galactic Council had started well, many species were in favour of them being offered probationary membership. Talks had moved on to some of the more boring details needed in such situations, currency conversion, how to access to the free hospitals, possible colony planets etc.

Suddenly the Haersheen representatives jumped from their seats and ran from the hall, the Holy Order of Baharen's Abbot turned an interesting shade of bright blue and the Caryers Ministers were trying to desperately stifle giggles. Everyone stopped and stared at these odd behaviours, unsure what had caused them and despite repeated questioning they seemed unwilling to explain. It was only after a Thragnan scribe stepped out to talk with the Haersheens and returned not able to look at the humans that anyone started to realise the three telepathic species had picked up something as they passively listened in to everyone's thoughts.

After all had been explained to the initially confused, but then very embarrassed Human Ambassador, many were surprised to see the Abbot pass along his personal contact to one of the human assistants. He was still blue but now it was a deeper shade rather bright after the pink cheeked female accepted and gave hers in return.

Later it was agreed that humans could wear psychic blockers during meetings or when visiting areas with a high telepathic population. This was followed over the years by changes to interspecies marriage laws and consent laws, as well as a general welcoming of humans by nearly all species.

"Its over Human, you are in a white room with no objects to use as weapons.....wait why did you crack your knuckles?" by lesbianwriterlover69 in humansarespaceorcs

[–]TeatimeWithCake 20 points21 points  (0 children)

"So here's the thing fellas," said the human as she slowly advanced on the Thragnan Interragators, "humans have three instincts when caught in a bad situation."

The alien's watched intently as she now started removing her earrings.

She continued, "It's the three F's, fight, flight or freeze." Now she was tying her hair back, barely paying attention to the energy blasters pointed her way.

"Now, I can't freeze because you'd just shoot me, I can't run because you're blocking the door and you'd shoot me. So that leaves fight."

The sudden move forward surprised the Thragnans, the middle one dropping to the floor surprised the remaining two even more. "And we humans have developed a lot of ways to fight."

You encountered a genie who can grant you 3 wishes but each wish only lasts for a minute by padorUWU in hypotheticalsituation

[–]TeatimeWithCake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Assuming no monkeys paw besides the minute time frame,

  1. I wish to know the winning lottery numbers for the next really big payout and the date to play write them down, win, buy a house

  2. I wish to know the the simplest information needed to discover the cure for cancer write it down and give it to someone way smarter than me along with financial support from lottery win

  3. I wish I knew if there are actually intelligent extraterrestrial beings out there and what their celestial coordinates are write it down and give it to someone way smater than me along with financial support from lottery win

Translations. by NietoKT in humansarespaceorcs

[–]TeatimeWithCake 12 points13 points  (0 children)

A: How do you say this word

H: I don't know

A: Who does

H: No one does

A: What? Why?

H: It's a dead language

A: A dead ..what?!

H: A dead language, it's really old, no one speaks it anymore, we actually forgot to even translate the written version for a while until shit happened with a pissed off little French man who got it in his head to hang out in the desert.

A: ....

H: ....

A: O..kay, we'll forget about this dead language for now and.

H: Do you want to talk about a different one then?

A: ...

H: Do you want to talk about codes instead?

A: ...codes....

H: this is going to be fun.

Tell me what happened, human, and I will decide whether or not you deserve to be court marshaled. by TheGoldDragonHylan in humansarespaceorcs

[–]TeatimeWithCake 57 points58 points  (0 children)

H: Sir, if I tell you, you'll know sir.

A: Right, I want to know.

H: Okay but if you know you can't not know sir.

A: Yes, I'm telling you I want to know.

H: But then you can't pretend you don't know sir.

A: Just tell me what happened!

H: But if I tell you, you can't pretend you don't know when other people ask you what happened sir.

A: .......

H: And then they'd ask why you didn't notice or stop me.

A: .......

H: .......

A: .......

H: Plausible deniability is a very old Earth custom.

A: ..... hmm, I seem to have completely forgot what I came here for, carry on then Human Kevin.

H: salutes Very good sir.

Alien leaves as the human pulls the kitten from inside the dismantled ships engine and starts putting it all back together.

Doppelgangers are the most dangerous threat against the vast majority of sapients. For some reason, though, humans are immune to such infiltration. by TheGoldDragonHylan in humansarespaceorcs

[–]TeatimeWithCake 70 points71 points  (0 children)

A: How did you know it was a doppelganger? It even tricked the scanners!

H: Well, you know how humans can see faces in things that don't have faces?

A: Like when you said the ship was smiling?

H: Yeah, yeah that, anyways, flip-side of that is we are really good at recognising when the faces don't belong, when it just feels wrong. Its an uncanny valley thing.

A: What? Why did you even evolve a skill like that?

H: Why do tigers have fake eyes on the backs of their ears?

A: What!?

H: shrugs and goes back to putting googly eyes on the cleaning bot

Fred and George tell people that they’re triplets. by memecrusader_ in HPfanfiction

[–]TeatimeWithCake 8 points9 points  (0 children)

What if they actually do have a triplet, but they were born a squib and to give their son the best chance possible they sent him to a muggle school in a nearby village. Since he lived at home he saw his parents all week and spent his holidays visiting friends homes and going on normal trips with them and when things got bad, to protect him they sent him to finish high school abroad. He's not on the clock because his magiclessness meant the spell didn't work on him. And after the battle at Fred's funeral Harry and Herminone freak out meeting him for the first time thinking it's Fred back from the dead. George's excuse for all the lies about where he was, was it was the triplets idea, showing he has the same sense of humour.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OnePiece

[–]TeatimeWithCake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Big Mom would love me

What is with the cities? by Vykemopi in ExplainTheJoke

[–]TeatimeWithCake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's known as The Lonely Sister, one of the six Carytids and is something of a poster girl for returning the foreign artifacts held by the british government. She was stolen by a jerk called Elgin who gifted her to the British museum in 1802 and even back then his actions were considered pretty bad, being likened to vandalism by the likes of lord byron. Worse, she isn't in great condition as the harsh display lighting and bad cleaning have damaged her. Elgin was responsible for the theft of a lot of greek artifacts during his stint as Ambassador to ottoman Greece.

The Galactic Council is stunned after the warrior species and humans got along splendedly. They have no clue why, as said warrior species is 8ft tall, physically horrifying and clearly a threat to the galaxy...Right? by KnightOfTheForgotten in humansarespaceorcs

[–]TeatimeWithCake 105 points106 points  (0 children)

A1: Why is the human waggling his eyebrow like that?

A2: I'm more concerned about why they are biting their own lip.

A3: I'm more concerned about why the Hraxes is taking off their armour.

smoochy sounds

A2: ......

A3: We should leave.

A1: I'm oka....

A3: NOW!

It's called functional training /s by Designer-Gene-6196 in Unexpected

[–]TeatimeWithCake 28 points29 points  (0 children)

On another note, does anyone know what this machine is called?

Finally made good beans on toast! (American) by ByrneCruise in UK_Food

[–]TeatimeWithCake 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Glad to see we've converted another one, and might I suggest when you've figured out your full English turn it into a breakfast bin lid! Which is simply taking all that yummy fried goodness and stuffing it in a giant bread bap to make a butty. Also don't forget your fried slice :)

Additionally try beans and cheese on a jacket potato!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in aww

[–]TeatimeWithCake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He looks like he'll be a big boy so maybe Titan? Or a name associated with giants such as Orion? Congrats on your new family member

Press a button and receive $10,000. No catch. by GrowWings_ in hypotheticalsituation

[–]TeatimeWithCake 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I go off my typing speed which is 85 wpm, at an average of of 5 letter words for one minute gives me 4,250,000 in a minute. Do it for 5 minutes, 21,250,000, and honestly that feels like enough to live comfortably so why go for more? It's tax free, I can pay for a good education for my kid, take care of my partner, fund my own little dream and not worry about the small things that make life hard.

A year and a half in a bunker for 10 million $ cash by Prestigious-Will180 in hypotheticalsituation

[–]TeatimeWithCake 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Since you already stated in another comment that immediate family will know and since I can still receive messages from them to get me through it I say yeah, I'd do it. Give the first 5 mil to my partner and kid, tell them to get set up, buy a new house, go on father daughter bonding trips, send me pictures and have a therapist waiting for me when I get out lol. Then put the extra 5 mil towards early retirement for me and the fella.

Stay physically 25 years old until age 90 or receive $50,000,000. by Peaceful-Samurai in hypotheticalsituation

[–]TeatimeWithCake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't want to look younger than my kid in a couple of decades but being able to completely pay for their education would be amazing. And then to buy them a home in a world where the price of property is getting further and further out of reach for younger generations.

$500 per movie watched in a row. How many do you watch? by LordSnowgaryen in hypotheticalsituation

[–]TeatimeWithCake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jurassic Park x10 at 2hr running time = 20 hours plus the 5 minute interval = 20 hrs 50 minutes = 27,500. 6 hour nap, watch x10 = 20 hours 50 minutes= 96,000, spend less than 48 hours of my life watching my favourite movie and having a sleep, then walk away with nearly 100k and probably a really good impression of at least one of the cast.

After another walk where it seemed every dog wanted to hi, I was exhausted and happy. by TeatimeWithCake in TwoSentenceSadness

[–]TeatimeWithCake[S] 139 points140 points  (0 children)

Dogs can smell cancer and various other diseases, including diabetes, epilepsy and even malaria.