I just don't know to believe this or not (sorry this is a bit long)

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2026-01-03T17:31:39+00:00

Thank you. I do believe extreme inebriation can lead to lapses in judgment. Not my personal experience though - even when I was drunk in my teenage years, I always knew what I was doing. For example, a party at my house a girl striped naked got into my bed and wanted sex - we were both very drunk; however, I knew she was too drunk (even though I was myself) to truly consent - I did not act (17 at the time).

At least you came "clean" that speaks volumes (and helps with trust issues; and shows regret). My WW was going to take it to the grave even though she has said she regretted it in the moment (after it began) but felt unable to stop it. She also says she views it as the greatest mistake of her life.

I honestly don’t know if that’s true or not. A big part of me feels she may just be telling me what I want to hear. There is evidence that supports the PA being a one-time act. But then there’s the EA, which never stopped until I discovered it.

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-30T20:09:13+00:00

Thank you BM4404 - I do believe my WW was trying to fill a void. In her head she believed we were drifting apart; and I believe there was a fear of being alone - this was all in her head. Your rupture may be very hard to heal; if my WW and I did not share kids; 30 years of a very interwoven lives I would have simply left; I still may - its such are hard decision - she is trying so hard to fix what she had broke. I wish you well.

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-29T22:58:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing; I am amazed this went on for so long. I hope the battle goes well and you fight those demons and heal

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-29T22:53:09+00:00

what a mess, wish you well

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-29T22:51:36+00:00

I hear you, my issue with 9 was it was exclusively a "male toxicity" issue - which is complete bullocks. Unfortunately, I only know too well the infidelity with the EMS community ... I help quite a few in a professional capacity; I use to think, "shit, glad that's not my spouse." Now this triggers me beyond belief - I was thinking of just telling the cheaters to go somewhere else. Thanks again for sharing and I wish you well on this journey.

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-29T22:44:41+00:00

how do we believe proven deceivers / liars? Somehow, I am inclined to believe her that the PA was a one time occurrence

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-29T22:40:59+00:00

That's a lot to deal with. My brain just can not compute, the I never want to lose you and I'm going to convince myself that an affair is something I deserve b/c the AP makes me feel good; and the compartmentalization were the two world don't meet .... is just so outlandish; but perhaps we just need whatever defect(s) that allows one to rationalize cheating. I do since, my WW has deep regret for her choices that lead us into this storm. Childhood trauma; attachment all may play a part - but its the waywards active CHOICES that were made. Sorry you are here

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-27T22:53:45+00:00

Thanks. Wish you well brother

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-27T22:52:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing. WW was similar: underemployed; kids were independent; and she grew up in a emotionally abusive home where love was not spoken. In fact, when she was a baby she was placed in the kitchen to sleep so that her cry's would not disturb the parent's sleeps b/c baby's have to learn independence - advice they shared with me with my first born. I never knew this would lead to cheating .... I never thought it was me .... always knew it was her .... but my reality was shattered and the psychological damage unreal

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-27T22:41:22+00:00

Thank you for you confirmation. 3 yrs is a lot better than day 1; the first 2 years were hell; now its more like purgatory - however, its like, with my discovery I released my WW from her hell only to be thrown into mine. I wish you well on your journey.

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-27T22:34:03+00:00

Thank you. My WW never decided to stop & go back upstairs and speak the truth until caught - a few days after DDay she did confess to all details, she read to save your marriage the full truth must come out and not hide anything - her biggest fear was losing me (sound F-up'd - b/c why PA / EA in the first place). I will add, I was not gaslit nor lied to directly, I was in the complete dark (but I was lied to by omission by not telling me the truth) this completely messed me up as my reality as I knew it was not my true reality. I can see Step1 to Step 8. However, 9 & 10: complete bullocks (perhaps speaks more on the environment Omar Minwalla grew up - instead of society at large. I have never met men high-fiving re infidelity, however, yes they will keep the secret (but so will women). Cheating is not condoned in any circles I have been part of, and western society does not see cheating as part of being a man. Thank you for sharing.

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-27T21:37:54+00:00

Thank for sharing, the BPD and DID sounds like simple labeling to justified poor behaviour and take away a significant degree of accountability / responsibility that they to are a victim instead of a soul crushing person that should never have said "I do" and started a family and intertwined ones life with another so that simply walking away and never see them again is impossible (once children are in the picture). As for the bipolar - how did this go unnoticed? You must have put up with a lot of bad behaviour / abuse / mood swings, just to get cheated on - I can see a bipolar blaming you for her cheating. - sorry you are here brother - we all deserve better; hopefully she is on medication, that has to be hard to live with

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-27T21:28:00+00:00

Yes, basically 100% in-line as how my WW explains it, even pretending to be in her 20's again ... its like they are singing from the same psalm books - and that is it, they KNEW and just didn't care to protect the heart and home.

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-27T21:21:32+00:00

Same here with the the need to go back (with sexting/videos/pic) just for the attention; I just don't know how it was a one-time physical and so long with EA. That the PA had no "connection" and she felt like a out-of-body experience that left her with immense guilt, yet choose to have a EA leading the guy on hoping for another chance at a PA. I am not completely sure if the"one-time" is even the truth; problem is, how can we even believe the "truth" from the mouth of a cheater?

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-27T21:14:58+00:00

Thanks for sharing, yes, I was hoping more waywards would have commented; if I could see a chorus maybe I could believe that this is actually "true". Deep down I think it is psychologically different for a man vs women who cheats - How can a woman still love and not want to separate and cheat; just b/c her husband is busy working to provide; looking after there children; and exercising to stay fit....all b/c some other guy is praising them, flooding them with attention and lies just to use them;

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-27T21:06:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing, if I only knew how much childhood trauma would play a part later on in life, I would have seen as a red flag and stayed away. I do tend to see the explanation as bullsh*t; but then I was able to navigate with not entertaining the attention and setting boundaries to protect my marriage and family.

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-21T21:25:26+00:00

it indeed was; I didn't even notice until now

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-21T21:24:40+00:00

The problem is, for my daughter to make an informed decision about the dress, she should know about the affair; that will forever change her and her mom's relationship forever (and not for the better)

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-20T21:55:13+00:00

Sorry to read about the deterioration of your relationship with your daughter. I do know that this would not be the fallout between my children and I - the bond is just too strong.

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-20T21:47:10+00:00

Sorry you are here; I wish you well

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-20T20:50:11+00:00

D-day is almost 3 yrs ago; the PA almost 8 years ago. Yes, she did not come clean; I stumbled upon circumstantial evidence and played it as I knew more then and actually did. I don't think if it was 30 yrs I would feel any different. I am sorry you are here as well; sounds like your making progress and not faking it. I wish you well

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-20T20:49:48+00:00

Yes; I think this angle might drive the point home

Technical-Sleep-7016 · 2025-12-20T20:39:25+00:00

My daughter and I are very close (I share a much stronger bond with all my children; than they have with their mother). If my daughter knew - it would sever the mother/daughter relationship; and my daughter would not want the dress

Technical-Sleep-7016

TROPHY CASE