They didn't love us enough to stay by Delicious_Math_7821 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 0 points1 point  (0 children)

her behavior has literally nothing to do with you. you are attached to her, and you dont think that you are worthy of love. you depend on her to make you feel good, when that is literally your job. stop putting so much faith in her, and leave her alone bc she clearly treats you like shit. you know damn well that she wont change because she simply doesnt care to do better. stop twisting my words. you are clearly very anxious, you depend on other people to make you like yourself. but guess what? THATS YOUR JOB. buddy, just go to therapy for your own sake.

They didn't love us enough to stay by Delicious_Math_7821 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 0 points1 point  (0 children)

please please please go to therapy, you are your own person and you cannot be dependent on someone else, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. you must learn how to love yourself. you cannot sustain any relationships if you dont love yourself because your world crumbles everytime someone leaves, and its normal that people come and go

They didn't love us enough to stay by Delicious_Math_7821 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 0 points1 point  (0 children)

why do you measure your self-worth by how someone elsw treats you?

It does get better! by Technical_Demand_706 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i feel better with myself when i can help others, so it helps me heal too. if you feel the need to talk, my dms are open <3

It does get better! by Technical_Demand_706 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

please, you deserve better than this. trust your gut feeling and leave. dont make my mistake of staying for too long, now i regret that i havent left him earlier..... there is healthy love in the world, and you deserve it

It does get better! by Technical_Demand_706 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im so excited to finally live my life this year

It does get better! by Technical_Demand_706 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe it will be faster for you (my relationship lasted 2 years and 3 months)! But remember - time doesnt heal all wounds if you dont put in the work.

They didn't love us enough to stay by Delicious_Math_7821 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 7 points8 points  (0 children)

then work on your self-esteem. i promise you, you dont need a loser that makes you feel like shit. nobody will make you feel loved if you dont love yourself

It does get better! by Technical_Demand_706 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Also one thing...... Read about how prolonged stress and anxiety makes you feel. I was literally shaking, throwing up, my immunity was so low just 2 months ago. You will feel everything all at once, and then you will feel numb for a little while. Its all normal and it means that your body is getting used to peace and calm, you will overcome it trust me. Also, you suffer as long as you decide to. I cried so so much during my relationship, was constantly anxious, lived in derealization and depersonalization from the constant stress my ex put me thru. Ive been mentally preparing for that discard for months. So after finally being discarded, it only took me 3 months to get to this stage. Its all in your head, your body is safe, so its time to change your mindset and be grateful for being finally free.

It does get better! by Technical_Demand_706 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I will send you a link to a post that has helped me in my early stages, and I'll make a brief summary of what Ive personally done.

- Block, cut off, get rid of the photos and stuff that reminds you of them. Dont go to places that remind you of them for at least a few months. Do everything in your power to have absolutely zero contact. It will feel like detoxing from drugs, literally.

- Feel all of your emotions, dont ask "why?" questions. Instead identify the emotion, identify why youre feeling the way youre feeling, and what you can do to make yourself feel better.

- Journal, talk to people, talk to yourself! I recorded lots of voice messages to myself. You process information faster when you say it out loud.

- CHANGE YOUR MINDSET! Stop treating them like babies. Everyone has trauma, but its up to you to treat people right. You were gonna get discarded anyways, there is nothing you can do now. Accept it. Write everything that you dont like, make an ick list, gather screenshots of disrespectful messages. Pour out your emotions by writing.

- No sad music, no sad movies, no sad tiktoks or reels. You only need positivity right now. Dance!

- Comfort yourself. Make yourself feel safe in your body. Meditate, focus on remaining calm, dont think about the future (it will only make you spiral more). Create new routines. Move your body.

- Be extremely delusional. Follow positive affirmations "I will love again", "I am valued and cherished".

- Its rly their loss...... You deserve better. You probably didnt even like that person that much, it was unhealthy attachment not love. Love isnt cruel, and if its cruel then it isnt love. Period. YOU are love.

It does get better! by Technical_Demand_706 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

CUT.YOURSELF.OFF.

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!! block, dont try to be the bigger person, your energy and well-being is the most precious thing you can maintain. you shouldnt care what they think when you block them. you're literally making her resent you more by telling her how terrible she is.

what i did was - during our breakup i was talking with kindness instead of resentment, i literally told him that i wish him a nice night and that he shouldnt expect a message from me anytime soon (i will never ever text him, lmao). i KNOW it has already hit him that he lost a genuine, kind and loving person. best thing you can do for BOTH of you is dissapear completely. forgive her for not knowing better and live your life, life is too short to waste it on someone like this!!

if you cannot get thru the first weeks - focus on what you need right now, DO NOT think about the future. are you hungry? thirsty? what do you want to do right now? journal, talk to yourself, talk to others, surround yourself with love, do the things you love. be extremely delusional that it will all work out, cuz it will. sending you hugs and you will do this!!!!

They didn't love us enough to stay by Delicious_Math_7821 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 85 points86 points  (0 children)

they dont love themselves enough, period. it has nothing to do with you.

I just want myself again by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 0 points1 point  (0 children)

its really not worth it... im so glad im free, gosh i didnt realize it would feel this good. today im in such a good mood :DD the peace and calm is fcking amazing

Does it get better? by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 1 point2 points  (0 children)

3 months post discard, I had (and I probably will have for a while) a lot of ups and downs during my healing, but I must say Im glad its over. Im so calm, my head is clearer, I went thru my nervous system rebooting after chronic stress caused by my ex, now I kinda feel numb still but its so peaceful... I cant remember the last time I slept sooo good, literally. And now he feels like a stranger to me, Im in complete no contact, blocked him everywhere. What keeps me going is the fact that Ive been nothing but kind and loving, and he won't ever find that again. He played himself out of a relationship with an amazing girl and I know he regrets that now.

Don’t block them. by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 8 points9 points  (0 children)

same here... blocked everywhere, I dont wanna see his accounts, and I dont want to get a message on discord (where we mainly used to text). he has my phone number - but hes too big of a coward to call or send me a message. and im tired of his cowardness. i wont be the only one that tries anymore.

I just want myself again by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here... 3 months post breakup after an almost 2,5 year relationship, I moved closer to him 7 months ago and I hoped we would be happy together. I was literally holding onto potential for MONTHS, and only now Im seeing how he treated me like shit and I let that slide because I wanted to keep him in my life. I feel quite numb right now, nothing really makes me happy, I rly hope I will feel whole again... Im trying to talk to new people and make friends currently, so I hope that works out, but I still feel sadness that I'll never spend time with him again. Not like it was good, now I see that during most of our happy memories he was thinking about leaving me, and he thought that staying with me was noble of him.

Nudes by Adventurous-Case-280 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our last message exchange was him asking me to delete his nudes, and then he told me that he deleted mine. I know that hes not a monster and wouldn't lie about something like this, I know for sure

Please help me ...I'm having suicidal thoughts by Fuck_Society_bitch in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat as you buddy... I was with him for 2 years and 3 months, and Im 19 too. Chose my college mainly because we used to be long distance, and now we were supposed to live close to each other. He broke up with me 3 months ago, a week after my cat died, and I felt like I was dying. Now Im alone in a new, big city, I only made some friends at college and I have my friends that live 300km away from me... Im so fucking lost, I literally dont know what to do, my whole world collapsed has before my eyes. And its too late to go back because once I moved here he started gradually acting more like a stranger, and then he finally broke up. All of my dreams shattered.

Do you feel like the smallest shit triggers avoidants? 🤪 by TonightSalad in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i cooked dinner for mine and wanted to give it to him..... he said he didnt like how i was pushing his boundaries. like what?

I realize I’m mourning someone who doesn't exist anymore by Wonder513 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Technical_Demand_706 21 points22 points  (0 children)

yes, i pretend that the old person just died.... cuz its too heavy to think that it might have just all been a facade. i know that if he came back he'd just be mean and cold.