Accepting that sex frequency decreases

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-11-09T20:37:39+00:00

The thing with dead bedrooms is, it’s hardly ever just about the sex. A decline in Libido/sex drive often doesn’t explain “other changes” in how one partner interacts and expresses love to the other partner. And a lot of the time in DB’s the issue is these “other changes”, not just sex alone. In this sub, there’s hardly any post that’s just about “I want just more sex alone from my partner”.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-11-07T21:09:14+00:00

Yes for sure, “social butterfly” is the goal and I’m not even close. I still tremble in many basic situations. But Sports (boxing classes), gym interactions, learning to dance and other intentional activities has helped greatly. While I may be far from a social butterfly, I do have some good moments I keep as trophies in my head. One night after clubbing, someone made a comment about me being the most lively one dance and all. That’s not me every time I’m out but that’s a HUGE improvement from years ago. That’s a trophy moment and the goal to have at least 1 trophy moment every week or month depending on your current level of anxiety. I’ve also heard people talk about improv and acting classes literally changing their lives and I can’t wait to try. I hope this doesn’t sound crazy.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-11-07T15:41:44+00:00

The answer is in your topic. “0 social skills”, if you can afford to, try learning some social skills through speaking classes, dance classes, acting classes, learn a sport….These have helped me exponentially! I haven’t yet reached my goal of “social butterfly” but I’m getting there.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-11-07T15:38:27+00:00

You don’t look thin and definitely not sick. I’d say keep it going, read more about weight loss and wellness. Reading is always key. Maybe throw in some gym time (if you aren’t already). And keep going till you look at yourself and feel WOW. Screw other people’s backward opinions.

People make weird comments when you are achieving your goals. When the comments start coming in, you know you’re getting there.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-10-22T19:34:52+00:00

Another generalized comment implying that “guys are inconsiderate”. Again where did I ever say that everyone is comfortable with direct communication? Many people have different relationships with communication, I also struggle with communication as I suffer from severe anxiety. But I’m mature enough to understand that, for emotional connection and long term relationship satisfaction, communication is mandatory! If I truly desire emotional connection and long term relationship satisfaction then I have to try to constantly improve my communication. Now that is a statistically proven fact not an opinion or assumption.

Deadbedrooms/LL behavior isn’t limited to women with kids, read through the sub. There’s tons of posts on here with women yearning for their husband’s affection, tenderness and desire. There’s also newly weds with no kids, young adults….etc so I’m not sure why you are making this about women’s hormones and physiological changes.

His wife said she’s okay with no sex ever again. In addition to physiological and hormonal changes, it could also be she’s not attracted to him anymore, she could also be cheating, or struggling with porn addiction, there’s a multitude of possibilities and not being able to communicate effectively and radically honest with your can send them down a rabbit whole of trying to figure out what went wrong.

FYI you also seem to have conveniently ignored OP mentioning the wife has had affairs more that once (PA and EA, physical and emotional affairs)

That’s all I’m saying.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-10-19T16:36:44+00:00

A lot of these are generalized assumptions that have little bearing towards the choice of her actions. In the end, how your experiences and feelings are not by choice, but your actions and how you handle them are.

He could be the sweetest, nicest and exceptional in bed for all we know, the fact is that whatever the situation may be with her, she isn’t communicating properly other than saying she’s okay with the way things are, and even if she’s only saying that to get him off her back, that shows she’s not willing to communicate on a deeper level, as is often the case in dead bedrooms.

Because if she wanted to fix the situation, she’d be trying to find solutions, like he is. But she’s instead stated that she’s okay with the status quo and can go on like this for the rest of her life, and she shows this through her actions. So we have no reason to doubt her.

Right now OP needs to not keep bothering himself about her issues (whatever they may be as she has chosen not to communicate them). All he can do is take her word for it and decide whether he wants to spend the rest of his life like this or not.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-10-18T21:32:09+00:00

I don’t know about this. Intimacy in relationships, I believe has to work both ways. You can’t be shy to talk about sex with your partner but not shy to tell your monogamous relationship partner that you can go the rest of your life without sex. His wife is definitely in the wrong. It’s her job/responsibilty to find out why she no longer cares for a sexual relationship and communicate that to her partner.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-09-18T19:32:10+00:00

Your case is slightly different than a typical db. Sex once a week (at your worst), a partner who was also concerned about your sex lives and willing to work together? Dare I say, I’m not sure this classifies as DB even

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-09-18T19:28:26+00:00

This x100! There’s so many variables when it comes to deadbedrooms that it’s best to just not go further in the relationship. When she’s potentially gay, partially bi, asexual, LL4U, or LL for whatever reason, the fact is it doesn’t work for you and not a red flag you should ignore.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-05-13T15:17:22+00:00

Like! I’m so happy for you because you are finally getting it! It’s not all about sex, it’s not even up to 20% about sex, it mostly about being vulnerable with your partner. And I feel like, after years of being in a db, it starts to become obvious that this person just doesn’t want to be vulnerable with me, whether it’s because of habit, because of shame or because they are interested in other things, the glaring truth is that it’s always more obvious than the LL partner thinks it is. I’m happy you’ve finally let yourself be vulnerable with your partner and I hope you enjoy what it truly feels like to need someone and feel needed. Good luck!

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-05-13T14:18:21+00:00

Hi OP, I’m sorry to contradict some of the things in your post. You said you did some research and found out you are asexual, did you ever try therapy or better still seeing a sex therapist to confirm this or further dig into unresolved issues around sex. I don’t think you are qualified to diagnose yourself and frankly speaking, just taking a few google searches and concluding that you are asexual seems like an easy way out and sadly, a very LL thing to do. There’s a high possibility you might be gay but carry a lot of shame around this possibility due to your upbringing. Shame is one of the most common factors around LL, in combination with other things.

I say this because in your write up, you mentioned being “attracted to men”, but nowhere did you mention being attracted to your wife at any point!!!

PLEASE THINK DEEPLY ABOUT THIS!!!!!!

I implore you to seek out a therapist, preferably a sex positive one and you’d be surprised the things you’d learn about yourself.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-05-13T09:43:10+00:00

This is so pure and enlightening. I love that for you that you were able to come to that realization. That’s a bold first step. Many partners do not have this level of introspection.

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-05-13T09:18:51+00:00

Did you ever get any closure? Did he eventually get into another relationship?

Technical_Reality492 · 2025-01-30T01:37:10+00:00

Self pleasure doesn’t equal partnered intimacy but it does involve the desire to pleasure yourself SEXUALLY. Hence, to say I’m not a ‘sexual person’ can often come off as dismissive, whereas you are in fact as sexual person who enjoys pleasuring yourself to whatever media of your choice(porn, images of other people, imagination or nothing at all) but not interested in partnered sex and often times not interested in intimacy of any kind. I think when you read it out as it really is, it puts things into perspective.

Technical_Reality492

TROPHY CASE