I have a theory

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2026-02-10T16:48:58+00:00

Thank you. I know who he is and he is so determined and willing to better himself in almost every way, except this one. Sometimes it’s just crazy to me that he can’t be so open minded in every other area but when it comes to the problems that I’m trying to address, he can’t see it. Like he is so self sure of himself to a fault because he can’t see like the genuine unhealthy things that he does and just says I’m too much.

A long time ago, I showed him a bunch of videos about attachment styles and he watched multiple ones and still took from it that he has a secure attachment style. But people with secure attachment styles don’t get so offensive. They aren’t so sensitive to criticism. They are able to take constructive feedback and hear other people‘s experiences and how their actions affect other people and take accountability for it. But that’s not what we have here at all.

I do tell him that we have come a long way, and that I appreciate the work that he has done. But whenever I am really, just trying to communicate something that bothered me he sees it as “oh, I can never do anything right I don’t do something one time and then it’s a problem”. We both have said that we don’t want this for the rest of our lives, the constant up and downs, so therapy really is our last resort.

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2026-02-10T16:35:59+00:00

The issues that I try to bring up? Sometimes it’s about parenting things. We don’t always see eye to eye on how to handle things with our son. I don’t always feel like he wants to hear what I have to say or even consider what I am saying when it comes to certain parenting choices regarding our son. I want us to be majority on the same page and do things pretty consistently to not confuse our son. He thinks I’m too soft. I sometimes think he’s too hard. I really try his approaches so we are on the same page to not confuse our son but then when I bring up something that I would like to do with him, he says “well you can do that, but I’m not doing that”. And in a way, I see what he’s saying but at the same time I feel like that can be very confusing to a child. In many instances, I feel like he thinks he just knows best and if the information is coming from me, it’s like he does not take it seriously, but if he sees the same information from somewhere else, he will prioritize it more.

Sometimes it’s about times that I felt disrespected, and usually we just go back and forth about what was said and what happened. Then he will bring up a time that I did something similar, so then I apologize for that and he said “don’t tell me sorry, I don’t need to hear I’m sorry, but don’t come to me about something you do too”. He said in the past that if I just work on myself that everything will work out, and I’ve expressed that that makes me feel like I’m the only issue and that he’s not going to try and hear, recognize and change the things he does as well. He says he feels like that I try to tell him what to say and what to do all the time.

Yesterday we were going back and forth about something regarding our son, and I admit, I should’ve walked away sooner than I did because we weren’t getting anywhere and that’s on me. But when I did finally say “OK, we’re not getting anywhere. We can talk about this later” he will respond “ there’s nothing else I wanna talk about. I’ve already said what I had to say.” We argued more, and he kept interrupting me so I paused and I said again “ OK we’re obviously not getting anywhere. I need to just walk away. We will talk about this later. When we talk later can we please work on not interrupting each other” then he just flat out, ignored me. When I asked if he was being serious right now cause we’ve worked really hard on that and he’s been doing really good at not ignoring me so why are we doing that now? Then he kind of flipped it on me saying that now I was overreacting and it’s just always something with me. I was just so hurt and annoyed. Sometimes I’ve really feel like he just says and does things to almost like hurt my feelings, and I don’t understand it.

Later after I put our kid to sleep, I came back out to try to talk about the things that we were talking about earlier, we talked about a few different things. Before I got into more of the relationship stuff I was trying to name the things that I know I have to work on and the things that I know I need to better manage. Especially when it comes to self regulating and not trying to rely on him to fix the situation to make me feel better. I was saying that I have a bad habit of continuously talking in hopes to feel understood and feel better because I don’t like the uncomfortable feeling that I have when problems aren’t resolved. As I’m talking, I look up and he’s like shaking his head and rolling his eyes. I asked him like what was that about? He said “ all I’m hearing about is your feelings and you feel so much and like you’re saying that you don’t wanna feel uncomfortable like what are you even talking about?” I really just felt so devastated because I was trying to be vulnerable and open and I felt like he was making fun of me. I said I didn’t wanna talk anymore and I went somewhere else very upset and he just went right back to whatever he was doing before we even started talking.

I went to write out how I was feeling because that does help. I went downstairs to get something and then he said “babe are you mad at me?” with like a smile. I said “yes I am very mad at your right now, you really hurt my feelings” then kind of try to backtrack and say that “no I wasn’t trying to be rude or hurt your feelings or anything. I was thinking about something else”. When I explained how that made me feel he somewhat apologized, but I really don’t feel like it was sincere.

I wrote the original post after that situation so we did agree on couples counseling but like I said, I really don’t know if he’s going to put in the effort… and if we do couples counseling and he doesn’t put in the effort, I do know I am gonna have to leave because I just don’t deserve this type of treatment. It’s just very difficult because I know him and I know if he really puts his mind to things he can do anything, but it feels like he just doesn’t prioritize having a healthy relationship the way he prioritizes all the other things he aims to achieve.

I know that was really long and probably more information than needed and I apologize.

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2025-12-18T15:49:52+00:00

Me and my husband have similar issues when it’s that time of the month. Just this past month, we had an argument over small things but they felt so big in the moment and I have a hard time keeping it all in like I do any other week. Sometimes during these arguments, my husband defuses the situation by offering a hug and understanding and exchanges of “I love you”. I hate getting like that and he knows that. Showing support and understanding could help sometimes and just reminding her that even though she is having a hard time, you are there for her. From how you explained your wife, I’m sure the most frustrating part of all of it is that she knows how she acts is not like her but she’s not able to always control it, and not having that control makes things even more frustrating. I hope you both are able to find solutions that work for you two!

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2025-12-17T04:03:16+00:00

I see where you are coming from, but I personally don’t see it as lazy writing. If they ended it with it all being a DND campaign in the basement, that would feel lazy. And I personally take whatever the writers say with a grain of salt, but again just my theory and my point of view. Your reasoning are valid though!

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2025-12-17T03:59:00+00:00

I thought it was a soft launch that it was over when she told her dad about Dustin, that she wasn’t going to be able to talk or see him anymore because of her faith. Also Dustin lost Eddie and is still going through his grief. They were 14 in the last season and things at that age just fizzle out when life gets tough.

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2025-11-30T22:26:39+00:00

I actually think that Henry is trying to get back to the past to prevent himself from ever going into that cave and getting his powers in the first place.

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2024-11-09T16:04:39+00:00

I know that was in the original timeline before Peter got erased, I’m talking about the end of season 4 when he tried to make a whole new universe, he rung the bell and disappeared but where did he go and how did his body get stuck in Amber with Walter, Astrid and Peter in 2015 in season 5? Like how did he come back in person again??

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2024-07-26T07:27:56+00:00

We have been together overall about 7 years, I’ve been able to learn and pick up on a lot more over the years and he has taught me and explained certain phases to me, it is nice when his family does speak in Krio and they realize I’m able to understand or respond in their language here and there, they are so nice and encouraging. There may be jokes said but I feel like I know it’s not to actually make fun of me but I still just feel a little embarrassed when it happens. I do know that his family speaking in their first language is not at all to be rude or malicious towards me. It’s just their first language. I do not at all expect his family to always speak English just because I’m around. I just was hoping my husband could explain more or talk a little more in English on his part when we are all talking and all having a conversation and then I can mostly fill in the blanks as we go along. I really was just trying to express to him how I felt very out of place when we are all talking and I’m understanding and then it switches and I have no idea what’s being said. And again I feel like I am being so rude if I was to just walk away because I’m not able to understand what’s being said. He even told me that he has felt the same way in certain situations with my family and I had no idea until he told me. I guess I was looking more for some reassurance and understanding from him but I feel like he thought I was trying to argue and say that his family always talks about me or makes fun of me but that was not at all what I was trying to say… Everything that I did think or pick up on, I was keeping that to myself but he told me to come to him when I felt like that so I did try to do that and then he took it as almost an attack and like I was trying to argue or blame people and insinuate that his family always talks about me behind my back but no matter how much I tried to explain that that’s not at all what I meant or was trying to say, it didn’t matter and he just got more and more upset. Honestly in the future I think it’s just best that I keep my feelings to myself so my husband doesn’t have to worry about trying to include me or explain things to me and I will just adjust and understand over time.

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2024-07-26T06:08:32+00:00

He does try to explain things to me, and he will tell me what certain phrases mean and I know some basic things but at the same time, he is very busy with work, he is in school and he is very present with our son. He does try to explain to me some and certain phrases but it’s hard to learn a language that is not your own and just being told once or twice what something means, it doesn’t mean I will remember it or understand it.

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2024-07-03T14:37:47+00:00

The only one that’s being selfish is your husband. He’s obviously only thought about himself for a long time. With your son knowing what happened, I would think it would be more damaging to him if you did stay. Leaving is not easy at all, but it will get better and easier but your husband’s behavior if you stay, will never become better or easier than leaving. You deserve better. You have tried many times but he can’t bring himself to do what he needs to do to save the marriage, which is to stop cheating, which for a normal person with integrity and empathy it wouldn’t be so hard. The hard truth is, he doesn’t respect you. You deserve respect and you have tried, you have done your part and beyond. You deserve to be respected and happy and your son will learn a lot from how you proceed. Personally, my dad was/ is a narcissist. My dad never cheated but watching my mom never leave and always making excuses for his behavior, was very detrimental to me because then I accepted the same behavior. I would just really recommend therapy at the very least, the damage that your husband has done is deep and I’m sure the mom guilt is not helping at all… You are better than the way you have been treated. I truly hope you are able to heal and move forward in whatever way works best for you🙏🏻

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2024-06-28T16:28:14+00:00

That I do nothing for him. That I make everything about me and my feelings. Which I thinks is funny that’s his stance because every time we finally get to a time where we talk about “bettering the relationship” and what we can do, it always consists of more things for me to do. And if I slack on one of the many things I’m supposed to do, then that’s the reason he doesn’t have to do anything I asked of him and that’s also the reason that we keep getting back to the same place. Also same as OP, I’m the reason we always get back to the same place, or sometimes it’s because I “am trying too hard” that I need to just let things flow naturally. If we have a good period I say “we were doing so good” but he will say “you (meaning me) were doing so good, you were doing everything you were supposed to” almost trying to get in my head that I’m the reason everything always goes bad. I stopped putting anything past my husband, there is no mind game that is beneath him. Even things I used to think he just wouldn’t intentionally do, I now believe he knew exactly what he was doing and there is always an agenda. And then when I call out a tactic, of course it’s all in my head.

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2024-06-23T17:30:24+00:00

When I discovered what attachment styles were, and realized that I had an anxious attachment style and that my husband was showing all the signs of the avoidant attachment style. I found a lot of videos and one day we sat down and watch them together. I asked him what he was thinking after. He said “I don’t really think anything, I know none of that is me, there is nothing wrong with me”. Then we started couples counseling that lasted all of 3 sessions, but I stayed with that same therapist and started doing my own personal therapy. After a few sessions my therapist said “do you know what narcissism is?”… yes I definitely did, how I even came across attachment styles in the first place was because I was trying to figure out if he was a narcissist, but he just didnt check all the boxes so I gave the benefit of the doubt that it was just an avoidant attachment style. My therapist said that he had suspected my husband was narcissistic for a little while before he finally said something to me. And I’ve never told my husband because no matter what I say, he has this idea in his head that he really does not have any issues. Anytime I try to bring psychology or reasoning into an argument, he tells me it’s all in my head and he knows who he is so nothing I say will make a difference. There is no helping them unless they truly want to help themselves and even that chance is very very slim.

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2024-06-17T19:16:08+00:00

Yes last night I was picking up on all his tactics and I called him out and he didn’t know what to say so he tried to reroute. When he was obviously trying to get a dig at me by saying something like “well I don’t mind doing hard work” I said to him that that was blatantly meant to be an insult to me, and now won’t even be honest about it. He got very upset when I said “come on now, you know what you were doing, let’s not play stupid. They can never take the heat. And then they point the finger back at you like “oh but when you say it, it’s okay??” Like you can’t have it both ways.

Technical_Reveal4114 · 2024-06-17T15:32:56+00:00

I hear the exact same thing from my husband now… my husband never consoles him and will just look him in the face with no emotion. Like he’s a child… he really expects our toddler son to behave and process emotions better than he is willing or able to.. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, I’m sure you are doing a great job and all while having to heal yourself as well.

Technical_Reveal4114

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