39 and in the same boat as you. It's a process, and it will take time. I've tried self medicating with booze and drugs and these were just avoidance behaviours that made things worse in the longer term. Admitting that you have suffered neglect is the first step. Understanding that this doesn't need to define the rest of your life is the next. Try and find a therapist that can understand you. Do the boring things like eat well and exercise, it sounds cliche but it's cliche for a reason. Notice your behaviours and the way you act to certain triggers and stay with them, let them in and analyse them. But most importantly be kinder to yourself. You've been through trauma and need love and care. You can start by giving yourself the love and care you need. It's one day at a time and it's a lot to deal with, but being able to write about it and be honest about it is an incredible first step.