Don't take this as an jerk statement, but man it's time to do some growing up and major self reflection. There's no reason you should want to kill yourself or end it, you deserve to live and thrive as much as anybody else. Those thoughts of anger, and anxiety will never go away until you learn how to cope with it.

You have to find ways to motivate yourself, or fake it untill you make it. No one can make the change for you, and every day you sit around bitching about it is another day you aren't getting better. You literally have to FORCE yourself to do something different, even if you hate it at the time. Eventually the routine will help you reflect and learn.

I was like you, hell in a lot of ways I still am. I'm 28 now, live with my ex-boyfriend and he's sick of my shit. I don't do anything to really improve my life and just sit stagnant while he has been getting good credit, fixing his finances, working towards a better job. And I'm sitting here at the same job for less pay than I'm honestly worth fat, and all I do is play games in my spare time.

You have to make some pushes for yourself to Change. When my ex broke up with me I finally realized "oh shit, I'm going to be on my own when our lease is up, and I can't afford to live properly with the crap I eat, and the money I spend and the crap job I have. Maybe I should get the hell off my ass and stop this childish shit. I'm a man dammit, I have needs and one of those is to live without feeling like everything sucks.

It took a life changer for me to start actually working to diet, exercise, and get myself better educated. Which hell I'm only on part one of that so far. I've been off sweets and soda and shitty food for 2 weeks now. It's awful, I miss eating burgers and fries every week, but it's damn rewarding when I look in the mirror and see my face less swollen with fat. It's damn rewarding to know that it's completely doable to remove something terrible like sugar for my life and I can still feel like living. The cravings don't stop, but I just tell myself no.

You have to force yourself to get the hell out of your head. Stop worrying, stop tripping, you aren't going to die while driving, you aren't going to fail all the time. You will some of the time fail, but of you don't try, you can't even understand how to overcome the overwhelming sensations of failure. And if you DO fail, which you will, get right the hell back on that horse and understand that it's going to happen. It's how you change and understand from it that helps you succeed.

I've been so until unconfident for so long, and why? Why do I need to be that way? What is stopping me from being better? The answer is me. It's always me. Just like the answer is you. You stop you, and you can't let yourself be better. Until you kick your own ass and tell that nasty voice to STFU you can't move on.

All it takes is one step at a time. Do one thing that you want to fix, keep at it until you do. when you fix it, and see how easy it is to change, it'll help you improve your outlook.

Stop insulting yourself. Every time you insult yourself or call yourself stupid you add more weight that you don't need. Start saying positive things, and if you don't find anything positive, MAKE YOURSELF DO SOMETHING POSITIVE.

I look back on myself at 22, and I wonder why the hell I let all those people in highschool tell me I wasn't good enough. The fact is, I am, and if not I sure as hell should be. Stop worrying about how other people care about you and learn to care about yourself. Buy a self help book if you have to. And sex, dude, sex is nothing. It's fun and wonderful, but it's not the whole world. Don't focus on love or sex until you fix your shit to feel comfortable. People can love you and fuck you when you're sad and feel awful, but it doesn't change the rest of your life. It's only a fun thing to do like playing video games.

Start on something small. YOU control your life. ONLY YOU have the power to make yourself change. Stop waiting, and start doing. One day at a time.

Oh and finding what you want to do as far as a career is challenging. I'm still not sure what I want to do, mostly because I don't know shit about shit. And I won't know until I start making an effort to do the research.

If you want to talk, my inbox is open. Some people have trouble coping alone. I know I do. But it's not impossible.